That God Damn 'Friend Zone'

That God Damn 'Friend Zone'

Inhale...exhale...alright, here it goes. I've been single for two years now. Yes, you heard right, two whole god damn years. Why? Well, I'm in high school. I'm not a stereotypical jock or douche bag that gets tons of chicks. I'm just that god damn 'nice guy' you see in high school romance movies that gets the girl at the end (like that'd ever happen to a nice guy in real life, right?). However, regardless of why I've been single for so long, I feel so god damn pathetic for it.

Now, here's my current situation. I've been friends with this girl for a while now (I'm sure you can all see where this is going), and I've had feelings for her on and off before. Right now, those feelings are on. They're not extremely strong, but they're stronger than they've been before. I've recently started talking to her and hanging around with her more than I have in the past, and we'll be hanging out this summer. After we hang out for a little bit, I'm going to try to get with her (tell her how I feel, ask her out on an actual date, that sort of thing). That's already been decided. I've come too god damn far, I feel too god damn close, and I've been single for too god damn long to not go for it.

As the title would suggest, my main issue is that god damn friend zone. I might be there already, I might be on my way there, I might not even be close. I have no god damn way of knowing. My question is this: How can I avoid the 'friend zone?' What should I do? How should I act? Is there anything I should look out for that would indicate as to whether she just sees me as a friend or not?

Re: That God Damn 'Friend Zone'

The only way to get yourself out of the friend zone is to not see the woman in question for a period of more than two to three months. There are exceptions to the rule, but that is typically the amount of time it takes for a romantic interest to create a strict mental and emotional separation.

Re: That God Damn 'Friend Zone'

^Communication's never presented a problem for me. In fact, in my last relationship, I felt like I was doing all of the communicating. Go figure. But I'm not 100% sure of what you're saying. Do you mean I should have a direct conversation with her right away and tell her that I specifically have feelings for her, or do you mean I should tell her something about how I'm looking for a relationship with somebody right now?

Re: That God Damn 'Friend Zone'

JohnDoe;397421 said:

This is actually the perfect time to say something, you really can't lose unless you do nothing.

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I agree with John.

At this point, you dont have too much to lose.

Re: That God Damn 'Friend Zone'

Listen to Elton John. His saucy words of wisdom can offer truth that may or may not apply to you. Most likely they won't though.

But really though, everyone else has offered pretty decent advice, one thing I would ask though is that you said the feelings:
1. Aren't that strong, and
2. They come 'on' and 'off'.

I would recommend standing back and checking whether you want her more as a friend or as your girlfriend, cause from my experience friendships last alot longer than romantic relationships.

Re: That God Damn 'Friend Zone'

Purple Nurple;397430 said:

Listen to Elton John. His saucy words of wisdom can offer truth that may or may not apply to you. Most likely they won't though.

But really though, everyone else has offered pretty decent advice, one thing I would ask though is that you said the feelings:
1. Aren't that strong, and
2. They come 'on' and 'off'.

I would recommend standing back and checking whether you want her more as a friend or as your girlfriend, cause from my experience friendships last alot longer than romantic relationships.

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They may not be that strong, but they've been present for quite some time. And it's on and off with her mostly because there have been periods of time when I hadn't seen much of her. They come back once I start hanging out with her again. I see what you're thinking, and I understand how you're perceiving this, but I do know exactly what I want.

Re: That God Damn 'Friend Zone'

Well in that case I'd recommend what everyone else has said - if you're close friends she'll understand without getting ****ed, so if all else fails you'll just be back at square one, so really you've nothing to lose.

Re: That God Damn 'Friend Zone'

2 years isn't a long a time, nothing miserable about that.

Re: That God Damn 'Friend Zone'

If a relationship would ruin the friendship, then it's not meant to be. If you're pretty confident it would work well, then go for it.

Re: That God Damn 'Friend Zone'

I disagree with everyone saying "Go for it!" in this thread.

Ignorance is bliss.

I told the girl of my dreams that I loved her, she told me she liked me "but as a friend". I was heartbroken and afterwards it became all too much for me to see her and we have ever since lost all contact. Looking back, I was much happier when I was in "The Friend Zone" before I had the guts to tell her how I really felt. Now she's nothing but a distant memory that left a black empty void in my heart. I often lay awake at night just wondering what she is doing now...

Re: That God Damn 'Friend Zone'

You like the word "God damn", huh?

Yeah but anyways, here is some Courage Wolf with some good advice:

Re: That God Damn 'Friend Zone'

I had been single for about.. 17 or 18 years. then I got my first girlfriend.. she cheated on me. Then I got another girlfriend, we broke up.

I consider myself a Genuine, good guy. Bad things happen to everybody.

I've only had 2 girlfriends, 1 successful relationship.

If you're in the Friend zone, you can't really get out of it.. If (Oh here I go..) you were meant to be together then it wouldn't of happened, Keep moving forward, But look back for help/advice.

Buuuuut, IF you actually Like her, more then a friend and you know that, its not a feeling you're making up just because the person is awesome and it'd be cool to go out with them.. If you really do, then tell them. If not, then Carry on.. sure it may be hard.. But its not the end of the world now, is it?

Re: That God Damn 'Friend Zone'

Tsuyu;397449 said:

I disagree with everyone saying "Go for it!" in this thread.

Ignorance is bliss.

I told the girl of my dreams that I loved her, she told me she liked me "but as a friend". I was heartbroken and afterwards it became all too much for me to see her and we have ever since lost all contact. Looking back, I was much happier when I was in "The Friend Zone" before I had the guts to tell her how I really felt. Now she's nothing but a distant memory that left a black empty void in my heart. I often lay awake at night just wondering what she is doing now...

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Well now, there's a difference between your situation and mine. She's not the 'girl of my dreams.' I'm not in love with her. Sure, it would suck if it didn't work out with her, but it won't make me feel nearly as sh*tty as other things have in the past.