I generally avoid verbal contact with the people I work with, mostly cus they are all very very boring and never ever have any thing interesting to talk about.
So im a pretty big guy, 6’3” 230-40ish and I only eat 1 big ass meal and im good for the day. When im at work lunch this is usually a foot long sub with every dead animal and edible plant on it, a can of pop or energy drink (depends on what shift im working) and a bag of chips or chocolate bar .
After the feed I get the fatty grunts. Any one over 200lbs knows what this is, the food you just ate sits in your gut like a brick till you turn it in to poop or expel its energy via hard work. ANY WAY so im in the lunch room grunting and coughing and the lady who works in the computer room says “keep that to your self..” Knowing she means that she though I had a cold I just said “yeah sure thing”
Im out side and its like -5C not cold but… chilly. Said computer room lady (ive been with this company for 2 years and I still don’t know her name) just happends to be walking by as i enter the building with no jacket on: “you really should put on a jacket, want me to get you one?”
“no im fine”
“don’t you have a cold?”
“no … why?” (aw **** wait a minute)
“well in the lunch room-”
“yeah no, im just fat, I do that after I eat”
*blank stare*
“right then see you”
“yeah k by”
TL;DR:
Had to explain to a girl why fat people cough ’n **** after they eat.
Another work related one just came in to mind, but ill save it for later... if i remember
