Need Serious Help Guys...

[HobbeBrain]

I can't think of anything funny to put here or anything so I'll go straight into it.

I have a friend who apparently fancies me (don't worry, this isn't an 'ooh ooh what should I do ooh' thread).

The problem is, everyone in our group of friends knew that she used to self harm, but we thought she'd stopped because she'd been to the doctor and sorted **** out. However the other day she was talking to me and told me she'd gone to to the doctors, found out she had clinical depression, insomnia, anxiety, and she was borderline Schizotypal. And my friend found her 'secret Tumblr' page where she goes into deep detail about cutting herself, and advice on how to do it for others, etc.

So yeah basically: what do I do? Should I tell anyone else, is there anything I can actually do at all, etc...

Any help is good help, thanks in advance

 

[Cain]

I don't have any experience with this sort of thing, but maybe this link can help you. It gives you more info, and gives you some contacts at the bottom, though they are for the UK. I really hope you can help your friend out of this.

http://www.seemescotland.org.uk/findoutmore/aboutmentalhealthproblemsandstigma/selfharm

I hope this helps.

 

[Dark Drakan]

Being a friend always help, people usually start doing things like that because they are depressed and punish themselves for everything that goes wrong in their life. Best way of helping people like that is being there for them when they need you and being a friend above everything. Maybe the secret Tumblr' page is further than a lot of people go but she clearly needs some kind of help. Is the page still updated or is it all from before she started seeing a doctor?

 

[Tsuyu]

Go to a trusted adult.

Srsly.

 

[HeroOfCrapsalot]

I'll quote my wise Uncle Hugh on this one. "Hit it, quit it, profit."

Just kidding. Yeah, go to an adult. Just not Uncle Hugh.

 

[Quistrix]

Let me make myself clear. DO NOT tell anyone else in your group of friends. For whatever reason she seems to trust you and confided in you, so do not break your trust, and let's be honest it's not your business to tell. Another element of self harm is the seeking attention aspect, if you tell everyone she receives more attention, don't feed it. The fact that all your friends already know she 'used' to self harm shows that part of it may be seeking attention. This might be a girl looking for people to notice her more or a desperate cry for help. Either way you don't need to feed it, she's already seeking help I'd imagine as she's been to the doctors. Also, another element is the whole shame part, telling everyone may embarrass her, her 'secret tumblr page' may be her only outlet. The internet is a great thing that allows you to be honest anonymously.

The sad thing is, there is nothing you can actually do to help her. Self harm is something she can only truly overcome herself. If she's been to the doctor then possibly her parents already know and they are seeking the necessary help she needs. There's really no need to get yourself involved any further. Just be a good guy and support her. And keep her secret to yourself. It might be hard, but it's the decent thing to do. That way you may help by her knowing she can trust you enough to talk about it and talking about it helps thousands.

 

[Cain]

Another element of self harm is the seeking attention aspect, if you tell everyone she receives more attention, don't feed it. The fact that all your friends already know she 'used' to self harm shows that part of it may be seeking attention. .

Myth2: Young people who self-harm are just attention-seeking
Fact2: Young people tend to keep their self-harm secret often as a result of feelings of embarrassment, shame or guilt. It is not 'just attention-seeking' however sometimes it can be a cry for help.

According to the link I gave, its more likely she wants to be helped. I wouldn't normally try and debate whats wrong in this sort of thread, but she might be asking for help through talking about it and the tumblr page, and deciding not to tell anybody who can help because of a myth that says she is seeking attention won't do any good.

However she's borderline Schizotypal as mentioned earlier, which is a need for social isolation amongst other things. Telling others (including adults) might make that worse, and could lead to more self-harm. As others have said, talk to her and support her, and that might provide a better outlet for her pain. The contacts also might provide an effective way of helping her deal with it as a friend.

 

[HobbeBrain]

I don't have any experience with this sort of thing, but maybe this link can help you. It gives you more info, and gives you some contacts at the bottom, though they are for the UK. I really hope you can help your friend out of this.

http://www.seemescotland.org.uk/findoutmore/aboutmentalhealthproblemsandstigma/selfharm

I hope this helps.

Yeah I gave that a good read, thanks

Is the page still updated or is it all from before she started seeing a doctor?

I actually don't know as I haven't seen it myself, my friend told me about it (only him and I know about the whole thing). But from the way he told me about it I think she still updates it regularly.

Go to a trusted adult.

Srsly.

She goes to a different school to me so there are basically no adults that both her and I actually know... and I don't like many adults anyway lul.

Let me make myself clear. DO NOT tell anyone else in your group of friends. For whatever reason she seems to trust you and confided in you, so do not break your trust, and let's be honest it's not your business to tell. Another element of self harm is the seeking attention aspect, if you tell everyone she receives more attention, don't feed it. The fact that all your friends already know she 'used' to self harm shows that part of it may be seeking attention. This might be a girl looking for people to notice her more or a desperate cry for help. Either way you don't need to feed it, she's already seeking help I'd imagine as she's been to the doctors. Also, another element is the whole shame part, telling everyone may embarrass her, her 'secret tumblr page' may be her only outlet. The internet is a great thing that allows you to be honest anonymously.

The sad thing is, there is nothing you can actually do to help her. Self harm is something she can only truly overcome herself. If she's been to the doctor then possibly her parents already know and they are seeking the necessary help she needs. There's really no need to get yourself involved any further. Just be a good guy and support her. And keep her secret to yourself. It might be hard, but it's the decent thing to do. That way you may help by her knowing she can trust you enough to talk about it and talking about it helps thousands.

Right, so just talk to her about it and ****? Btw just so you know, she doesn't know that I know about her Tumblr page... I don't think I should bring that up, but would it help if I did?

 

[Quistrix]

According to the link I gave, its more likely she wants to be helped. I wouldn't normally try and debate whats wrong in this sort of thread, but she might be asking for help through talking about it and the tumblr page, and deciding not to tell anybody who can help because of a myth that says she is seeking attention won't do any good.

Most of which is probably based on statistics and assumptions. I've seen attention seeking before, and a lot of those people were also liars. I may seem insensitive, but I'm not. I have a lot of experience with this, one person I'm close to self harmed for many years and definitely didn't do it for attention, I know that. But some girls I've known have done such for attention, and sometimes it's not even because they're attention seekers. It's because it's a desperate cry for help. Someone to finally notice how much they are in need of help. It's the same with people who attempt suicide.

Right, so just talk to her about it and s***? Btw just so you know, she doesn't know that I know about her Tumblr page... I don't think I should bring that up, but would it help if I did?

That much, I'm rather conflicted on. You could easily let her carry on thinking no one knows about it and allow her to carry on using it as an outlet as she would still believe it's anonymous. Or you could tell her you know, it might help her knowing that you know and cause her to open up to you more. Or it may have the opposite effect and she may push you away. I think for now, I wouldn't tell her.

But yes, "just talk to her and ****". But do not pressure her, just let her know that you're there for her and let her come to you. Give her the option of talking, not the obligation.

 

[Gikoku]

Myth2: Young people who self-harm are just attention-seeking
Fact2: Young people tend to keep their self-harm secret often as a result of feelings of embarrassment, shame or guilt. It is not 'just attention-seeking' however sometimes it can be a cry for help.

Most of which is probably based on statistics and assumptions. I've seen attention seeking before, and a lot of those people were also liars. I may seem insensitive, but I'm not. I have a lot of experience with this, one person I'm close to self harmed for many years and definitely didn't do it for attention, I know that. But some girls I've known have done such for attention, and sometimes it's not even because they're attention seekers. It's because it's a desperate cry for help. Someone to finally notice how much they are in need of help. It's the same with people who attempt suicide.

Agreed, those who actually self-harm for the sake of attention are not easy to find, but they're there. I had 2 ex-friends who used to cut themselves so people would notice them more, even though they were often advised to seek help, they continued doing it anyway finding pleasure in it and making up lies so others would feel sorry for them.

Then you have those who fake everything for the sake of attention and never cut themselves, despite often claiming to have done so.. came across more people than I care to count who were like that.

 

[HobbeBrain]

But yes, "just talk to her and s***". But do not pressure her, just let her know that you're there for her and let her come to you. Give her the option of talking, not the obligation.

Gotcha, so don't put pressure on her, don't tell I know about the Tumblr page thing

 

[Angel]

Queen's pretty much hit the nail on the head. But I would also hold Tsuyu's comment in very high regard because at the end of the day, and no offence meant, but you guys are kids. Not as in how mine are, but you're still minors and it simply isn't your job, nor is it within your capability, to help this girl out - at least not in the long-term. Like Queen said, the desire for help has to come from this girl herself but under no circumstances are you to keep this to yourself if you have every reason to believe she could be doing herself some serious harm (as in attempted suicide, that sort of thing). Don't judge her but don't lie to her either - if she opens up to you then at some point she's going to need to know that there is only so much you can take on yourself and that keeping all her secrets is not healthy for either of you.

Keeping a confidence is one thing - becoming part of the problem in terms of secret-keeping is another. You don't have to start bleating to everyone, but if you get told something that really isn't right then you ought to tell someone who is able to make a decision about what to do next. As a former self-harmer, I can honestly say that it's clucking hard to stop and even harder to know who to trust with the information that you deliberately hurt yourself. If this girl trusts you then it's on you to NOT screw it up by being a prick. If you think you can't take on her stuff then you tell her from the outset in a sensitive manner - nothing worse than opening up to someone only for them to run off halfway through because they can't cope. Similarly, if you can be there for her then keep it transparent - don't agree to keep serious shizzle secret and let her know that's how it'll be from the word go so there's no confusion later.

Be her friend, don't take advantage and be upfront where necessary. But don't take on more than you can deal with - it's simply not your job to be her counsellor, adviser, health professional and life coach. Not trying to sound cold or unfeeling, but mental health issues run deeper than anyone can see and there's always a risk of being latched onto without knowing how the hell to progress.

 

[HobbeBrain]

Queen's pretty much hit the nail on the head. But I would also hold Tsuyu's comment in very high regard because at the end of the day, and no offence meant, but you guys are kids. Not as in how mine are, but you're still minors and it simply isn't your job, nor is it within your capability, to help this girl out - at least not in the long-term. Like Queen said, the desire for help has to come from this girl herself but under no circumstances are you to keep this to yourself if you have every reason to believe she could be doing herself some serious harm (as in attempted suicide, that sort of thing). Don't judge her but don't lie to her either - if she opens up to you then at some point she's going to need to know that there is only so much you can take on yourself and that keeping all her secrets is not healthy for either of you.

Keeping a confidence is one thing - becoming part of the problem in terms of secret-keeping is another. You don't have to start bleating to everyone, but if you get told something that really isn't right then you ought to tell someone who is able to make a decision about what to do next. As a former self-harmer, I can honestly say that it's clucking hard to stop and even harder to know who to trust with the information that you deliberately hurt yourself. If this girl trusts you then it's on you to NOT screw it up by being a prick. If you think you can't take on her stuff then you tell her from the outset in a sensitive manner - nothing worse than opening up to someone only for them to run off halfway through because they can't cope. Similarly, if you can be there for her then keep it transparent - don't agree to keep serious shizzle secret and let her know that's how it'll be from the word go so there's no confusion later.

Be her friend, don't take advantage and be upfront where necessary. But don't take on more than you can deal with - it's simply not your job to be her counsellor, adviser, health professional and life coach. Not trying to sound cold or unfeeling, but mental health issues run deeper than anyone can see and there's always a risk of being latched onto without knowing how the hell to progress.

Ok. Thanks!!

 

[Firis]

Be a good friend to her, try to lift her up, make her feel important and wanted, don't lead her on or anything though. Contact an adult (Not her parents or your parents) and tell them about it, and ask what you should do. Don't tell any of your friends, and don't bring it up to her. Ease into it and try to help her over this hill, but don't harp on it, the last thing she needs to hear is that she's doing something crazy.

Take Queen and Tsuyu's advice.

 

[HobbeBrain]

Contact an adult

This is the only proper problem, I don't actually know any adults that also know her...

 

[Angel]

Even better. They are more likely to be able to offer impartial advice.

Seriously, get in touch with a phoneline if need be to ask what to do - The Samaritans are pretty good for giving out advice concerning self-harm and stuff like that.

 

[Dentie]

I dont know anything to help you on this but I just want to say that I hope you can help the girl out with her problems

 

[HobbeBrain]

Even better. They are more likely to be able to offer impartial advice.

Seriously, get in touch with a phoneline if need be to ask what to do - The Samaritans are pretty good for giving out advice concerning self-harm and stuff like that.

Hm sounds like a good idea actually, now I have to find an adult I actually like :lol: but yeah I might actually give the Samaritans a ring, I'm guessing you can find their number online.

I dont know anything to help you on this but I just want to say that I hope you can help the girl out with her problems

Thanks man

 

[Angel]

08457 90 90 90 for Samaritans, which isn't free or 0800 11 11 for Child Line which is free.​

No idea why all that text went all weird....or this, for that matter...

 

[HobbeBrain]

08457 90 90 90 for Samaritans, which isn't free or 0800 11 11 for Child Line which is free.​

No idea why all that text went all weird....or this, for that matter...

Ok chizzles, I reckon Childline would be better for this tbh, my parents might get a bit suspicious if they saw charged calls to Samaritans on my bill...