Story I'm Working On

[Warpedhero]

The following is a sample from a story I am currently writing. It concerns two friends who heist a bank. Please take notice of the dialect in which the characters are speaking before you comment:

“That, my friend,” said Stan, looking up at the dope, “is my excuse.”​

He plopped the little bag back on the table.​

He unfolded the brown sack and opened it to reveal two hypodermic needles.​

Andy eyed Stanley with a strange look.​

Stanley was cold as ice.​

“Andy, I never told anyone this.”​

Andy leaned in to listen to his friend.​

“I used to be, how you say it, involved in the drug business.”​

The room was silent.​

“It was about ten years ago, I wouldn’t but thirty-one years old. I was heavy strung out on this stuff,” Stan tapped the plastic bag filled with dope, “and nothing mattered to me. I know a couple people, got a few connections now, so if I need a shot I can get it, but then, oh boy, I had a black book full of ‘em. And they weren’t Mexicans, either; they were white, with suits and ties.”​

Stanley stopped and turned his beer up. He wiped his mouth.​

“We were bringing in a delivery from Greensboro to Goldston. I thought everything was worked out, but turns out there were a few people who escaped our handout. The driver stopped about a third of the way to Goldston and told me and the guy who was securin’ the load to get out. I tried to ask him what we were doin’ but he just handed me a gun and said we had a problem. A local police officer knew about the load and was waiting for us. Our people saw his patrol car on the highway, so we couldn’t go any further until he was gone.”​

Andy grabbed the salt shaker.​

“The guy, uh, kinda got disappointed, I guess, ‘cause he stayed out there all night and we never showed up. When he came back to his house, me and the other guy was waitin’ outside. Soon as he unlocked the door we pushed him to the floor. Neither of us had ever shot anybody, but I knew we were goin’ to prison if that cop made it, so I shot him. I don’t remember where, but one shot did it. We got back in the truck and made the delivery. Had no more problems on that job.”​