I can’t believe it’s not queenofdisco!
- Sep 25, 2010
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This story came about after a discussion I had with CheezMcNASTY in the chat. We thought it would be rather grand if I wrote a story surrounding forum members. I don't class myself as a writer in any shape or form, this story is just a view of randomness from inside my head. So if it's not good, well I'm ok with that. I hope noone who is involved in the story minds being in it, though if someone does, I'll quite happily remove any trace of your name and replace it with something else or just completely remove that part.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy the story.
A visit from Uncle Cheez and Aunty John.
A Hobbe’s Tale.
“That’s the fourth time this week I’ve dreamt about dinosaurs”, Hobbe thought to himself as he arose from his bed sheets. “Maybe these dreams mean something?”. Hobbe then looked down at his sleeping attire, “Or maybe it has something to do with these dinosaur pyjamas I’m wearing?”. Hobbe breathed a deep sigh and leaped out of bed.
His house was unusually quiet. The normal sounds of morning tended to include loud music coming from the kitchen and the thumps of Hobbe’s mother dancing around to every single beat. Strangely, none of this was present. As he sauntered to the bathroom, confused, he began itching his epic bed-head, he acknowledged the absence of his mother from in her room, the bed perfectly and neatly made. He shrugged, and entered the bathroom and did his usual morning grooming routine. After he was done, he strolled back to his room and threw on his clothes, he had carefully picked out the night before, jeans and a t-shirt, with socks with dinosaurs on them (of course). He then stepped into his mucky trainers and left his room.
As he approached the stairs he thought “Why not?” and began sliding down the stair case, but this act of apparent coolness went wrong. Half way to the bottom, Hobbe fell from the banister and landed flat on his face. He quickly jumped back up onto his feet and looked around. “Wait.”, he thought. “Where is someone to laugh at my obvious fail?”, usually someone would be laughing at him right about now, but along with the loud music, this was absent.
Even more confused now, he walked to the kitchen, where placed on the kitchen table was a bowl of freshly made cornflakes, a plate of toast, with strawberry jam, and a glass of orange juice, but still there was no sign of Hobbe’s mother. He shrugged, sat down and began to eat his breakfast.
As he ate the last piece of toast and sipped the last drop of orange juice, Hobbe heard the most peculiar noise. It sounded like..people playing tennis. Hobbe pushed the chair and himself away from the table and stood up. He then looked out the kitchen window. He saw nothing, so he decided to go outside and find the source of the noises.
He walked down the garden path, the noises became more clear and he begun to hear voices coming from deeper into the garden. He tip-toed across the damp grass and poked his head round a hedge corner. He saw the last thing he had expected to see in his garden, there were three men and a dog all playing tennis. They had obviously set up the net themselves, as it’s appearance was new to Hobbe. He slid around the hedge corner and stared at them. The man, wearing a long flowery dress, closest to him suddenly stopped playing, a tennis ball landing next to Hobbes feet. The man’s faced beamed into a smile and walked quickly to Hobbe and hugged him. Hobbe’s face was pale white, he’d never been so frightened.
“You don’t remember me do you?”, the man said smiling. “I’m your Aunty John!”, Hobbe’s eyebrow lifted,
“Aunty..?”, Hobbe asked. Aunty John shrugged “Twice removed.”
Hobbe then nodded slowly.
“Now.”, Aunty John said quickly, “Surely you remember your Uncle Cheez?”
“Uncle..? You guys are..?”
“Twice removed”, Uncle Cheez said butting in.
“Right..”, said Hobbe, his head feeling heavy. “…and what about them?”, he said as he pointed to the two other individuals holding tennis rackets. “Oh that’s our man-servant, Hermit, he doesn’t talk much” said Aunty John. “He sort of just growls every so often.” said Uncle Cheez,
“Oh and that’s our dog Oni, he well, being a dog doesn’t say much either”, added Uncle Cheez.
“He sort of just growls every so often” said Aunty John, patting Oni’s head.
“Let’s go inside now gen..”, began Aunty John
“Wait!” shouted Hobbe. “Not until you tell me why you’re here!”.
“Calm down dear Hobbe.”, said Uncle Cheez. “We’re here to take care of you. As by your mother’s request.”,
“Yes Queen asked us to take care of you, while she goes on holiday..without you.”,
“Oh, ok.” Hobbe nodded, he wasn’t surprised, his mother was the type to go off without word and leave him with strange relatives.
“Hermit get the bags” said Aunty John almost skipping down the path.
“Merrrgh..” Hermit went as he grabbed the bags and walked towards the house. Oni followed him down the path, not uttering a sound.
“Let’s go son.” said Uncle Cheez grabbing Hobbe by the shoulder. They both walked together towards the house.
“So..uh..How did you and Aunty meet, Uncle Cheez?” asked Hobbe.
“A Vegas strip joint, you could say fate brought us together.” replied Uncle Cheez as he placed his hand on his heart.
“I won’t ask anymore..” said Hobbe looking away.
As they approached the back door, Aunty John stopped suddenly, “Hobbe are you expecting any visitors…apart from us?”,
“..No..” replied Hobbe looking confused.
“Wait here!”, said Aunty John as he pulled out a golf club from his jacket.
Aunty John ninja’d around the house, rolling around corners, humming the Mission Impossible theme to himself. He rolled into the living room and looked slowly up to see a bald man in a tuxedo standing in front of him..
“…and you are?” asked Aunty John.
“I’m the bane of your existence!” said the man.
“…No.” “I’m…” the mans clears his throat for a moment.
“I’M THE BANE OF YOUR EXISTENCE, THE SON OF THE DEVIL, DEVOURER OF SOULS, FEAR ME MORTAL!”
“Oh hi!” said James through the window.
“Go away James.” said the man throwing a fire ball at him, killing James instantly.
“Anyway…I’M AMON AMARTH!”
“So..you’re the bad guy?”