A True Hero
- Thread starter Entrux
- Start date
Redy Brek!
Active Member
- Joined
- Jan 1, 2009
- Messages
- 58
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 33
Re: A True Hero
Wow,that's really good
.
Or maybe, when he sees the little boy jumping, he screams:
"Ah!Balverine!Kill it!", and now he has a fear of...jumping?
Wow, I'm pretty amazing at this whole "writing" business ^_^
Still, nice story, except just try to make it a little easier to see when he's thinking or talking. Maybe go one line down when he's thinking.
Good though
Wow,that's really good
.Or maybe, when he sees the little boy jumping, he screams:
"Ah!Balverine!Kill it!", and now he has a fear of...jumping?
Wow, I'm pretty amazing at this whole "writing" business ^_^
Still, nice story, except just try to make it a little easier to see when he's thinking or talking. Maybe go one line down when he's thinking.
Good though