A poem by Triz

[Triz]

A poem by Triz

How doggy, oh doggy, how are you?

Don't be sad, don't be blue.

My sky is gray with out you.

How doggy, oh doggy, how are you?

You didn't pay the bill, so screw you. ( :lol: )

How doggy, oh doggy, how are you?

Don't be frighten, don't be scared.

My days are finish without you.

How doggy, oh doggy, how are you?

Don't be .... Sticky?

I won't stick if you do.

How doggy, oh doggy, how are you?

Don't be mad, because...

I love you.




I made that up on the spot.... What do you guys think of it? ( I thought of it whilst my dog, though, I really don't feel that way )

 

[Steve]

Re: A poem by Triz

It's beautfiul... I cried. ^_^

 

[Triz]

Re: A poem by Triz

It's beautfiul... I cried. ^_^

:lol: :lol:

 

[LionHeadTex]

Re: A poem by Triz

I cried in my soul.

:lol:

 

[Solus]

Re: A poem by Triz

I made that up on the spot.... What do you guys think of it? ( I thought of it whilst my dog, though, I really don't feel that way )

What I think is,
You must not have a dog that tries to bite you every time you touch it... My dog is evil

Many edits later I got this right, sorry i'm damn near wasted

 

[Triz]

Re: A poem by Triz

:lol: :lol: Thanks guys.

 

[KmAI]

Re: A poem by Triz

*words* :yammer:

...? I cried, though for an entirely unrelated reason from why everyone else did? At least this poem was sans "Bloosh"? I love the A A A A A A A B A A A C A A A D A Rhyme scheme?
Especially the clever Rhyme of you.. with you. Oh! and Blue!

 

[Angel]

Re: A poem by Triz

Less of the sarcasm - there really is no need for it, you know.

 

[KmAI]

Re: A poem by Triz

Alright, I was thinking I was just following a trend of sarcasm with the many, "It was beautiful" "I cried".

Here's the Angelsafe sarcasm free criticism:

I don't understand why you even call it a poem.
It seems to try and have a rhyme scheme, that's entirely based off of repeating the same word: you. This word ends every stanza which holds no measurable meter or rhythm. It doesn't seem vaguely postmodern, ironic or anything that could shove it into "free verse" and even that tends to have some merit. In your last poetry posting I asked did you want to be treated with respect and honest critique or empty praise yet I received no reply.

In a response to the reply to my post that came within 3 minutes of mine to try to shut it down : Be worried when I do subscribe to the Orwellian happy talk and empty praise. That means I think the person is too much of an idiot or too fragile to receive honesty.

 

[Triz]

Re: A poem by Triz

... I'm guessing you didn't like. I'm just screwing around.... I made it right then and there with some of my friends.... I wasn't trying to make it good. Dude, clam down. I understand that you thought it was dumb, heck I knew it was dumb. Those guys were just messing around by saying they are crying too. It's just a joke. As I said before, I hardly anyone really likes me on these forums because I'm always joking. I haven't broken any rules ( only spam ). I'm sure a lot of you would not care if I come back, I love the people here too much to leave.... And I'm not trying to be stupid, but there is a new thing that everyone does, it's called breathing. :lol: ... I happen to not see your post that said I never reply too. I'm actually happy that someone would reposed or talk about me in there posts... Could ya point me to the right direction to this post?

EDIT: I looked and I saw it... As I said before, just screwing around..

 

[KmAI]

Re: A poem by Triz

You're misintepreting what bothered me. The only thing that bothered me was it took 3 minutes for Angel to jump me which gives the impression I was better off to stay the course of people treating others with painfully pedantic language and every topic with kid gloves.

As for the breath thing, eh.. apparently verbosity is equated to being irritated. If anyone posts anything up to the public, its open for criticism.

Screw around all you want, first three poems, I'll critique and point out what's lacking : No change in the future, I'll just assume you're typing for the sake of reading your own text. I don't see why we should care about somebody's half assed musings.

 

[Triz]

Re: A poem by Triz

Judging crap that I made up.... That is like me making a video game in 3 min and you thinking it's gonna be good, I know it's not good!


Why I said the breathing thing was because you sound super mad, " I don't see why we should care about some body's half *** ed musings" .... Dude, don't I make myself clear, I have no intention to make it a musing. I type what I feel like typing. I don't do it just because it's fun, I simply made something up and post it on the spot. Setting next to my friends and my dog I made that up, whatever came to mind. I'm just saying your taking it sooo real... just chill. Besides, I didn't think I was gonna get a good review....

 

[blue crow]

Re: A poem by Triz

People are reading something about a dog when they can be reading something satanic and rhymes. Hint read none.

 

[Sephiroxas]

Re: A poem by Triz

You're misintepreting what bothered me. The only thing that bothered me was it took 3 minutes for Angel to jump me which gives the impression I was better off to stay the course of people treating others with painfully pedantic language and every topic with kid gloves.

If it was me it probably would have been the same amount of time. IF it was anyone. Fablefreak, Blue crow. You act like you're being singled out, when you're not really at all.

 

[KmAI]

Re: A poem by Triz

I find that fact disturbing. Ah well, I'll acknowledge then I'm not alone, doesn't diminish how unnervingly quick her response is to protect the tender sensibilities of poets everywhere?

 

[Angel]

Re: A poem by Triz

Whilst other posters were able to keep their tongue firmly in cheek, you come off as caustic and rude - further proving this by the use of phrases like "I don't see why we should care about somebody's half assed musings." and "That means I think the person is too much of an idiot or too fragile to receive honesty."

I will often post a small sentence like "keep it nice" or whatever to keep the thread in a positive tone... if I was picking on you, (and I have never picked on a single member here) you would know about it. As it was, I did not even quote your sarcastic post, nor did I mention you personally.

 

[Rhadiel]

Re: A poem by Triz

Alright, I was thinking I was just following a trend of sarcasm with the many, "It was beautiful" "I cried".

Here's the Angelsafe sarcasm free criticism:

I don't understand why you even call it a poem.
It seems to try and have a rhyme scheme, that's entirely based off of repeating the same word: you. This word ends every stanza which holds no measurable meter or rhythm. It doesn't seem vaguely postmodern, ironic or anything that could shove it into "free verse" and even that tends to have some merit. In your last poetry posting I asked did you want to be treated with respect and honest critique or empty praise yet I received no reply.

In a response to the reply to my post that came within 3 minutes of mine to try to shut it down : Be worried when I do subscribe to the Orwellian happy talk and empty praise. That means I think the person is too much of an idiot or too fragile to receive honesty.

wat the hell do u mean by "Angelsafe"?

 

[Triz]

Re: A poem by Triz

Whilst other posters were able to keep their tongue firmly in cheek, you come off as caustic and rude...

Yes, I agree he is. He was banned for a short while I saw but I guess it didn't work..

 

[KmAI]

Re: A poem by Triz

Triz. You are too blind to even realize the irony of trolling someone on a mislabeled trolling ban.

 

[Rhadiel]

Re: A poem by Triz

Triz. You are too blind to even realize the irony of trolling someone on a mislabeled trolling ban.

get thehell outa here before my foot is lodged down your throat