English Original Writing Coursework

[Shirosaki]

English Original Writing Coursework

I'd like some feedback on my work. I'm not sure if this is allowed so I'll just show a print screen. All of it is my own work except for the "And then it happened." - we had to do it as the opening.

Spoiler

[URL="http://i213.photobucket.com/albums/cc71/Dermacious/english.jpg?t=1245426659"](Direct Link)
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The assignment is purely based on description, hence every single word being described. It took me about 20 minutes to do and I listened to Girugamesh for inspiration on the mood and mindset of my writing.

Thanks for reading and (hopefully) posting :lol:

 

[Zjuggernaut]

Re: English Original Writing Coursework

It's good. Are you redrafting it just incase you made any errors. I don't notice minor errors so I'm not hinting anything.

 

[Shirosaki]

Re: English Original Writing Coursework

Thanks and yeah I will be, that is about half of it. It is due in for next Friday. I'll do some more when I'm in the mood and maybe post ^_^

 

[Zjuggernaut]

Re: English Original Writing Coursework

It's always best to get the teacheres thoughts. Even though they know jack s**t. That's a different story though.

 

[Tsuyu]

Re: English Original Writing Coursework

I don't know. It feels a bit... overwritten. A tad too many "fancy words". But maybe that's the point of the of the thing?

 

[Shirosaki]

Re: English Original Writing Coursework

Yeah I thought that too, but my teacher said "this most certainly is outstanding." Because of the task of descriptive text, I think the overwriting is looked over or even accepted.

 

[Tsuyu]

Re: English Original Writing Coursework

If you wanna learn more about describing things, you should read some H.P Lovecraft. Crazy(but brilliant) guy could take up a whole page to describe a shining light.

 

[Tyloric]

Re: English Original Writing Coursework

Feels too much like Tolkein. Personally, I think it's over written. Sometimes simplicity is better.

 

[Tsuyu]

Re: English Original Writing Coursework

Well, his teacher said it was excellent, so I guess they were looking for excess.