Forgive and Forget?

[ssjcb1186]

Sorry, just one more.

I came up with this the other day...yesterday actually. I came to a "realization" that people don't really "forgive and forget" they just "accept/dismiss and detach/disregard."

I mean, they're pretty synonymous...I'm just wondering if this makes sense to anyone.

I also don't feel the need/have the energy to elaborate this any further and I believe it should suffice in itself and I really need to get to bed so I can function in the morning and go to work in a relatively stable mindset.

 

[cheezMcNASTY]

there is some truth to that, but not entirely. yes and no.
you need to be able to accept and dismiss something in order to forgive for it. from personal experience, there's no way i'd forgive anyone for anything if i was still royally ****ed over it. asking forgiveness when someone is in that state is a downright life hazard.

detaching and disregarding is the opposite, really. then the problem isn't dealt with and it will resurface after everyone thinks whatever the problem is is in the past. definitely don't take that route unless you're willing to look extremely begrudged or just take it to the grave with you.

 

[Arseface]

Forgive and forget is just more catchy than accept and disregard.

 

[droded]

Synonyms are fun, yes.

 

[SelfAppointedGunslinger]

I can usually forgive but I never forget, I can't forget. Though to tell the truth I usually pretend it's all in the past just for the sake of the friend/relationship. Therefore I just suppress the incident in the back of My mind, sadly they can resurface so I suppose it isn't true forgiveness whatever I suppose.

 

[Angel]

Forgive and forget is nonsense. We are not capable of willingly forgetting something like that. Forgiveness is a choice and once you have made that choice you need to let go (as in no longer hold whatever it is against whoever it is) but there is certainly no point in trying to "forget" - if you did that, all your energy would be focussed on the thing you are trying to forget and then you'd wind up getting all angry/upset over it again, thus negating the forgiveness aspect in the first place.

 

[HobbeBrain]

It is impossible to forget something by choice (apart from a large hammer planted firmly onto your forehead).

And as Angel said, forgiveness is like, a choice. So you can only forgive really.

 

[ssjcb1186]

for·give

1a : to give up resentment of or claim to requital for <forgivean insult>​

b : to grant relief from payment of <forgive a debt>​

2: to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) : pardon<forgive one's enemies>​

I couldn't say I do this often, or at all. However, given enough time, I will probably just "excuse" it before "forgiving." However, I probably "excuse" it so I don't resent the person. Is that forgiveness?

I enjoy how everyone is right in this thread...kind of makes me happy ("right" as in "I understand").

How come all my threads are Philosophical? I don't even care for/like philosophy. I guess my teacher was right, it's pretty relevant in life. :/

EDIT:
And about the "one or the other" thing, I have to say that that makes perfect sense. Although, the order should probably be taken into consideration. When you've forgiven someone and enough time passes, to you "forget" about the "incident" for a relatively long time until someone or something reminds you of that "incident"?

 

[Necromancer]

In the "forget" part of "forgive and forget," it doesn't actually mean shoving the memories of that situation out of your mind so you literally can't remember them anymore. It just means not thinking about it anymore, so really, dismissing, detaching, and disregarding are just parts of forgiving and forgetting. As for the acceptance part, a lot of the time, that can be the same as the forgiveness part. However, it's all dependent on what about the situation you're accepting.

 

[ssjcb1186]

That's kind of exactly what I meant Necro I'm glad you could say what I couldn't. I've never been good with words. Friken' Mercury in Pisces...>(
Haha, just kidding.

 

[Drew2686]

I happily replace that one with "water under the bridge."

 

[Quistrix]

It's important to never forget. You can't just push things aside and pretend they didn't happen for the sake of happiness or a relationship. Though sometimes the brain actively does forget to protect you from harmful memories. This is rare.
It is important to carry things with you, to learn.

Forgiving is important, though it takes strength and will to forgive wrong doings, especially when these wrong doings have been directed at you, or even someone you care for. Personally, I forgive all the time, mainly because I believe life is too short to resent people for the hurt they cause you. That's not to say I still involve myself with all of these people. I've forgiven them, I just not longer wish to be around them.

"Accept/dismiss and detach/disregard."-On that, well acceptance really goes hand in hand with forgiving things. Acceptance is important. Accept but never forget.
To dismiss is to cease to consider something, similar to forgetting things. Which isn't wise as you'll never learn if you never think upon wrongs doings acted upon you.
To detach is to disconnect yourself from the problem, this is good for a while but in the end it's better to deal with it.
To disregard is simply to ignore, which a lot of people do, to seem stronger. Again in the end , it's better to face up to things.

I hope my input helps.

 

[Angel]

If someone brings something back to your attention which you have previously forgiven and, within the context of how it has been defined by the previous posters, forgotten then the ideal would be you remember the event but it no longer holds the same reaction for you such as hurt or a sense of betrayal (for example). To me, that's when you know you've truly forgiven someone for what they have done - if the sting is no longer in the tail. If it still hurts, time to re-forgive. Sometimes it's not simply a one-time choice but a series of forgiveness choices before it no longer affects you the way it used to.

In my view, the hardest times when forgiveness is required is when the other party either can't or won't acknowledge their role in hurting you. But it messes you up more in the long run if you refuse to forgive without a prior apology so makes sense to get it over with sooner rather than later.