We're spoilt for choice this Christmas where games are concerned. It's been a truly fantastic year for gaming on all platforms.
Tiny Tims across the world are certain to find it difficult placing Mass Effect over Mario Galaxy, Assassin's Creed before Ratchet & Clank or Orange Box above Crysis as the games on their Christmas list.
What's a lot easier to work out is the games you don't want in your stocking come December 25.
We might sound harsh, but with so many great games in the shops at the moment we've simply no time for anything less than knee-trembling-amazing. And some games, as we reveal below, are almost guaranteed to ruin your holiday.
Print this list out and give it to your wives, girlfriends and mums, then thank us for making your Boxing Day in front of the telly a little more civil. You've been warned!
SingStar PS3
Controversial one this because, you know, some of you might actually like drinking too much wine and singing S Club until the neighbours come over (and going by the forum, a disturbing amount of you do). If you buy SingStar for your missus or nan this Christmas, the PS3 is going to be hijacked for dodgy renditions of Pussycat Dolls when you could be playing Ratchet and Clank. It's an easy gift we know, but just don't do it.
Anything on Wii that isn't Galaxy
We've counted and this year we've bought a total of three (yes, three) Wii games this year. Let's face it, if you're playing anything other than Super Mario Galaxy at Christmas you're wasting your time (and need a slap). Even if you've already collected all 120 stars there's no excuse for playing Metroid Prime 3 after Christmas dinner; play trough Galaxy again, it's the perfect Christmas Day game.
Rubbish Brain Training knock-offs
In the smartest and most obvious business decision since Blizzard said "let's make a World of Warcraft expansion," every games company in the world has decided to make its own Brain Training rip-off. Don't be fooled; the original Dr. Kawashima edition only costs 15 quid and you won't look like a you ended up with the tramp's version when you're playing 505's The Professor's Brain Trainer.
Mass Effect
Don't even kid yourself; you're not going to have time to play it. At Christmas dinner, you'll be thinking about Mass Effect. In the pub with Dad, you'll be thinking about Mass Effect. On the couch watching Only Fools and Horses, you'll be thinking about Mass Effect. But you won't get to play it properly until well into the new year when the kids have gone back to school and you've finally got the red wine stains out of the carpet. Finish it in November, or wait until 2008...
Need for Speed: anything
There's a chance it won't ruin yours, but it'll make ours a little sour. Pro Street is a bit rubbish, but most of all we're sick and tired of writing news stories about how Need for Speed is Christmas number one. Again. Underground did it, then Most Wanted did it and if EA has its way Pro Street will hover up all your Christmas cash as well. It's the worst entry in the series for a very long time, vote with your cash and maybe Need For Speed will return to the high speed police pursuits we enjoyed, and not the boring, menu-obsessed track racing its adopted for the new game.
Die Hard 4.0 on DVD
Don't support this over-rated, child-raping horror of a Die Hard Sequel. Bruce Willis doesn't even look like John McClane anymore; he's too old and we want to punch his annoying sidekick in the face. Die Hard isn't even supposed to have jet planes and rocket launchers, it's supposed to be about John, a dirty vest and using massive trucks as surf boards. Buy 300 instead.
Xbox games with no shoot-in-face action
Scene It? Viva Piñata: Party Animals might seem like a good idea for when you've got the family round but let's face it, it's a recipe for Christmas rows. Getting the missus and your seven-year-old cousins setup for multiplayer is going to be a pain in the ****, you're going to have useless gamer profiles sitting on your hard drive when you could just sit in a corner playing Call of Duty. Being social is overrated; buy a shooter, they won't want to play it, and then you'll avoid coming to blows over who hasn't synced their bloody pad properly.
Quake 3
Do not, under any circumstances, set up a 16-player Quake 3 LAN next to the Christmas dinner table.
One first-to-ten match on any map with a railgun is enough to ruin even the jolliest of Christmas spirits; little Timmy will start swearing, Nan'll have a stroke and someone's going to get a entire Christmas pud smashed in there face for camping next to the bloody jump pads with a railgun. Quake 3 is NOT for the family.
Just in case you haven't got it yet, little Timmy is me
