Is this any good?

[blue crow]

Is this any good?

One day a boy went walking in the woods. He walked in till he saw a bear. The bear was sleeping on a rock. He wanted to take a picture of the bear but he wanted it awake. So he woke the bear up then took a picture. Then the bear mauled him to death later that day his parents found half of his body. By his dead body was his camera and they seen that he woke up a bear and took its photo.

Most outside deaths are caused by bears. Taking a picture of a bear that you just woke up will increase the chances of a bear attacking you. The chance of it killing will also be increased by 25 %. Bears should be avoided and taking a picture shouldn’t be allowed unless you want to die.

People should take pictures of other humans or birds. Bears are too dangerous to take the risk of taking there pictures. Humans and birds and other wild life our practically harmless they are the best choice when it comes to taking pictures. Last time I check humans don’t kill people that take their picture nor do birds or other wild life.

I have known people want to take pictures when they walk. They want to show pictures of the journey in the woods. But is that enough to risk their lives for a single photo? You have to see the bigger it’s either your life or a picture of a dumb bear which one would you take?

Pretend we didn’t have this law pretend that it was okay to wake bears up just to take there picture. Instead of 60 deaths it would be 120 deaths when people could have avoided this. But the deaths wouldn’t stop at 120 they would increase till a whole city is wiped out. But hundreds of deaths can be stopped if we have this law.

I want you to know that it’s allowed to shoot to a bear. But it’s illegally to wake it up to take its picture should stay a law. We must think about our safety instead of a stupid picture of a bear. Bears shouldn’t be bothered by idiots who want to wake them up to take their picture.

In my english class we have to defend these dumb laws. I picked this one its okay to shoot a bear but its not okay to wake up a bear to take its picture. So what kind of grade do you think i will get in my english class?

 

[Tsuyu]

Re: Is this any good?

"Most outside deaths are caused by bears. Taking a picture of a bear that you just woke up will increase the chances of a bear attacking you. The chance of it killing will also be increased by 25 %. "

Does that mean that even a sleeping bear can kill you?!

 

[droded]

Re: Is this any good?

Very good argument!

 

[Tsuyu]

Re: Is this any good?

One day a boy went walking in the woods. He walked until he saw a bear. The bear was sleeping on a rock. He wanted to take a picture of the bear but he wanted it awake. So he woke the bear up then took a picture. Then the bear mauled him to death later that day his parents found half of his body. By his dead body was his camera and they seen that he woke up a bear and took its photo.

Most outside deaths are caused by bears. Taking a picture of a bear that you just woke up will increase the chances of a bear attacking you. The chance of it killing will also be increased by 25 %. Bears should be avoided and taking a picture shouldn’t be allowed unless you want to die.

People should take pictures of other humans or birds. Bears are too dangerous to take the risk of taking their pictures. Humans and birds and other wild life are practically harmless they are the best choice when it comes to taking pictures. Last time I check humans don’t kill people that take their picture nor do birds or other wild life.

I have known people want to take pictures when they walk. They want to show pictures of the journey in the woods. But is that enough to risk their lives for a single photo? You have to see the bigger it’s either your life or a picture of a dumb bear which one would you take?

Pretend we didn’t have this law pretend that it was okay to wake bears up just to take their picture. Instead of 60 deaths it would be 120 deaths when people could have avoided this. But the deaths wouldn’t stop at 120 they would increase until a whole city is wiped out. But hundreds of deaths can be stopped if we have this law.

I want you to know that it’s allowed to shoot to a bear. But it’s illegal to wake it up to take its picture should stay a law.(The sentence seems rather...wierd) We must think about our safety instead of a stupid picture of a bear. Bears shouldn’t be bothered by idiots who want to wake them up to take their picture.

In my english class we have to defend these dumb laws. I picked this one its okay to shoot a bear but its not okay to wake up a bear to take its picture. So what kind of grade do you think i will get in my english class?

Well... apart from what typos I could pick out in my drunken/sleepy haze, and some sentence being rather shifty, it looks alright by me...

 

[blue crow]

Re: Is this any good?

"Most outside deaths are caused by bears. Taking a picture of a bear that you just woke up will increase the chances of a bear attacking you. The chance of it killing will also be increased by 25 %. "

Does that mean that even a sleeping bear can kill you?!

No when you wake the bear up and take its picture the chance of it killing you will increase. i will change the mistakes now thanks.

Edit- Tsuyu you should deleate that sig/spolier its very creepy and there kids on the fourm.

 

[Devalion]

Re: Is this any good?

I am very picky with my grammar usage, so ...bear.. with me.

The text in brackets is the text that I have changed. The text in parenthesis are the ideas about the preceding or following text.

One day a boy went walking in the woods. He walked [until] he saw a bear. The bear was sleeping on a rock. He wanted to take a picture of the bear[,] but he wanted it [to be] awake. So he woke the bear up[, and] then took a picture. [After he took the picture,] the bear mauled him to death[.] [L]ater that day[,] his parents found half of his body. [Lying b]y his dead body was his camera[,] and they [saw from the picture] that he woke up a bear and took it[‘]s photo.

***Is this true? Back this up with facts****-Most outside deaths are caused by bears.- Taking a picture of a bear that you just woke up will increase the chances of [the] bear attacking you. (Include sources for the statistics)The chance of [the bear] killing [you] will [increase] by 25 %. Bears should be avoided[,] and taking a picture shouldn’t be allowed [as it violates the person’s safety.]

People should take pictures of [beautiful or harmless experiences]. Bears are too dangerous to take the risk of taking [their] pictures. Humans[, or birds, and other harmless wildlife] are the best choice when it comes to taking pictures. [In general, try to choose something that will make for a great experience, but is safe for the photographer.]

I [know] people want to take pictures [while] they walk. They want to show pictures of [their] journey in the woods. [However,] is that enough to risk their lives for a single photo? [One must determine whether it is worth the risk to try to take a dangerous picture.]

[Imagine] we didn’t have this law[. P]retend that it was [acceptable] to wake bears up just to take there picture. Instead of 60 deaths[,] it would be 120 deaths[, which could have been easily avoided.] [However, many more people could be injured or killed if this wasn’t a law.] [If this law is kept,] hundreds of deaths can be stopped.

[In self-defense, shooting a bear is acceptable.] [However, it is illegal] to wake it up [in order] to take its picture[, and this] should stay a law. We must think about our safety[, rather than the potential rewards of a close-up picture of a sleeping bear.] Bears shouldn’t be bothered by [tourists] who want to wake them up to take their picture.

 

[Hexadecimal]

Re: Is this any good?

I picked this one its okay to shoot a bear but its not okay to wake up a bear to take its picture.

umm... where exactly are you living that you have laws like that?

 

[droded]

Re: Is this any good?

umm... where exactly are you living that you have laws like that?

Its a school assignment I think.

A made up law for like the debate club or something...

 

[Hexadecimal]

Re: Is this any good?

Its a school assignment I think.

A made up law for like the debate club or something...

oh... I thought he was saying that his country lets people shoot bears...

 

[blue crow]

Re: Is this any good?

oh... I thought he was saying that his country lets people shoot bears...

Lol that was a old law in alaska i live in Pa. My teacher gave us a list of dumb laws i picked this one cause it sounded cool. Here is my final draft i hope its good.




One day a boy went walking in the woods. He walked until he saw a bear. The bear was sleeping on a rock. He wanted to take a picture of the bear but he wanted it awake. So he woke the bear up then took a picture. Then the bear mauled him to death later that day his parents found half of his body. By his dead body was his camera and they saw that he woke up a bear and took its photo.

Most outside deaths are caused by bears. Taking a picture of a bear that you just woke up will increase the chances of a bear attacking you. The chance of the bear killing you when you wake it up to take its picture will also be increased by 25 %. Bears should be avoided and taking a picture shouldn’t be allowed unless you want to die.

People should take pictures of other humans or birds. Bears are too dangerous to take the risk of taking their pictures. Humans and birds and other wild life are practically harmless. They are the best choice when it comes to taking pictures. Last time I checked humans don’t kill people that take their picture nor do birds or other wild life.

I have known people want to take pictures when they walk. They want to show pictures of the journey in the woods. But is that enough to risk their lives for a single photo? You have to see the bigger picture it’s either your life or a picture of a dumb bear which one would you take?

Pretend we didn’t have this law pretend that it was okay to wake bears up just to take their picture. Instead of 60 deaths it would be 120 deaths when people could have avoided this. But the deaths wouldn’t stop at 120 they would increase until a whole city is wiped out. But hundreds of deaths can be stopped if we have this law.

I want you to know that it’s allowed to shoot to a bear. But it’s illegal to wake it up to take its picture should stay a law. We must think about our safety instead of a stupid picture of a bear. Bears shouldn’t be bothered by idiots who want to their picture.

 

[Devalion]

Re: Is this any good?

I've done all I can =x

However, I would really, really take out this sentence - "But the deaths wouldn’t stop at 120 they would increase until a whole city is wiped out."

Somehow, I just cannot imagine a whole city of people getting killed by bears, simply because they all took pictures of sleeping bears. If Darwin ever heard of a city like this, he would jump for joy in the afterlife.

 

[blue crow]

Re: Is this any good?

I got a b for this thanks for the help.