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Know any good jokes?

  • Thread starter Thread starter loony ninja
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loony ninja

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Know any good jokes?

A friend an I were passing jokes back and forth the other day on myspace (actually I was doing the joke sending. She was feeling kinda down so I took it upon myself to cheer her up). Just wondering what some of your favourite jokes are. Here's something to get the ball rolling...

A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing-eye dog one day. They come to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man right out into the thick of traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.

The blind man and the dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket, which he offers to the dog. A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!"

The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his head is, so I can kick his ****!"
 
Re: Know any good jokes?

The Horse and the Chicken.


Once upon a time there was a farm, and on this farm were a horse and a chicken. They were the best of friends, always seen together. One day they were walking outside on a rainy day when the came upon a deep pool of mud. The chicken quickly spotted it, but the horse didn't notice it until it was too late and he began to sink. The chicken, terrified ran back to the farm where he spotted the farmer's Harley Davidson. Luckily, the keys were still in and the chicken grabbed some rope and drove back to the horse, who was still stuck in the mud. He threw the one end of the rope to the horse and tied the other to the Harley, and started to pull the horse out of the mud.

Later that day the two friends were walking along the same road and came upon a small pool of mud. The horse walked over it, whilst the chicken who was considerable smaller, fell down into the pool and began to sink. The horse calmly walked backwards and stood over the pool of mud, allowing the chicken to grab hold of his... tallywacker... and pull him out of the mud.

So what is the moral of this story?
When you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Harley to pick up chicks.
 
Re: Know any good jokes?

why aren't there pinguins in great brittain ?
they're afraid of wales :+)
 
Re: Know any good jokes?

what do you get whe you cross superman with the terminator:

me.
actually thats not even a joke.
 
Re: Know any good jokes?

I heard this from a guy while i was on a bus

there was a bear and a rabbit. they found a genies lamp and the genie gave them 3 wishes each.

The bears 1st wish was " I wish i was the only male bear in the forest and all the rest was female"
he got his wish

the rabbit wished for a motorbike and he got his motorbike

then the bear wished to be the only male bear in the continent and all the rest were female. his wish came true

then the rabbit wished for a motorbike helmet. the genie gave him a motorbike helmet.

the bears 3rd wish was to be the only male bear in the world and all the rest were female. it came true

then the rabbits 3rd wish was " i wish the bear was gay"

imagine that. only male bear in the world turns out to be gay
 
Re: Know any good jokes?

A blonde named Anna had a near death experience the other day when she went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off.

Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot got caught in the stirrup. When this happened, she fell head first to the ground. Her head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down.

Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager happened to walk by and unplug it.
 
Re: Know any good jokes?

i can't think of any jokes but i know a backwards poem thats funny

one dark day in the middle of the night.
two dead boys woke up to fight.
back to back they faced each other.
drew they're swords and shot each other.
the deaf policeman herd the noice and came and shot those two dead boys.
if you don't believe my lie is true ask the blind man he saw it too.
 
Re: Know any good jokes?

It really doesn't matter if it's a joke or not, I just like to have a laugh and send it on. Normally I don't go in for poetry but I like that. Anywho...

The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager screwing his secretary. He shouted at him, "Is this what I pay you for?"

The manager replied: "No, sir, this I do free of charge."
 
Re: Know any good jokes?

just hit a blind man and than say : you didn't see that one comming did you :D
 
Re: Know any good jokes?

Sephiroxas;81993 said:
yeah..there's already a joke thread, that's not old or closed, so use that please? :unsure:
Click to expand...

The only ones I found was one for your mamma jokes (which aren't all that big in oz) and the other was closed. If there's a third let me know what it is, I'll be quite happy to use it instead.
 
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