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My english project

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blue crow

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My english project

Hello my english teacher gave my class an eassy about myths like cerberus and hydra and the sphinx. What we have to do is prove the monsters not to be monsters and try to make them misunderstood. I picked cerberus beacuse i like dogs and he sounded really cool. Here is a work in progress note i have spell check but not grammer check so please do not correct anything. All i want you to do is read and tell me what needs more work on.
Monsters aren’t born they are made our tale begins at the time of gods and monsters. Cerberus The hell hound who guards the gate of the underworld. In some tales he had three heads in other’s fifty. Some say he is a monster but I say there wrong. Here is Cerberus tale that proves him of not being a monster.

Cerberus was parents were Typhon and Echidna. They were monster brought to the world thanks to mother earth that used them to punish Zeus for not keeping his promise. No wonder why Cerberus isn’t exactly normal because he never had a dad in his life thanks to Zeus. How ironic that Cerberus is working for the brother who helped led his fathers doom?

Cerberus had eight siblings he was the second oldest. His brothers will be mention later in his tale but let’s talk a little more about Cerberus. His job was simple let the dead in and keep them in. Also he had to keep the living out by any means necessary. No wonder why he doesn’t like the living since his job is to stop them from getting past him.

Some times Cerberus had to find lost souls. He was a dog after all and had a great sense of smell. Once finding the soul he had to guide the soul all the way to the gate. Only once did a soul escape and Cerberus had no choice but to kill the soul meaning the soul would have no choice but to be trap there forever.

Brother after brother and sister after sister eventually all but Cerberus was alive. Heroes like Hercules were to blame he a mere mortal killed his brothers and sister he had to pay. He would have his chance he some how broke out of the underworld and found out the home town of Hercules. He went on a rampage bodies on the ground some not having an upper part or lower and others only having bones for the corpse.

Blood dripping on the ground like rain drops. It was a massacre he showed them no mercy. After each kill he said in your name’s dear brothers and sisters. The felling he had before and after this event. As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I take a look at my life and realize there's nothing left
Because I’ve been killing and laughing' so long, that
Even my mama thinks that my mind is gone.

By the end of the killing all knew from young to old. He went on and killed more people cause of him being used to killing humans and the hunger of the kill. He tried to fight his hunger but thanks to Hades and the gods it was impossible. His rampage lasted for a year in till the gods decided to capture him.

But the killings were in vain because he destroyed the wrong town. When he found out this he cried for all he killed and he felt he owed the people he killed. He begged Hades to let the souls be free but Hades said no. However Hades made sure that there souls would live in the best part of the underworld.



 
Re: My english project

Despite the numerous spelling/grammar errors it wasn't too bad. Some of it was a little confusing, and parts I didn't really see much transition between paragraphs, nor did I really feel the conclusion was very strong.
 
Re: My english project

FableFreak;83955 said:
Despite the numerous spelling/grammar errors it wasn't too bad. Some of it was a little confusing, and parts I didn't really see much transition between paragraphs, nor did I really feel the conclusion was very strong.

The spelling i can fix the confuseing parts i will check and i need 4 more paragraphs beafore i am done my project.
 
Re: My english project

The information is good but as Brian said it has numerous spelling and grammar mistakes and flow of the information jumps from one thing to another quite randomly, it needs to all flow together. Also again as Brian said the conclusion isnt very strong at the end either as i wasnt convinced it fully answered what she asked you.
 
Re: My english project

Dark Drakan;83962 said:
The information is good but as Brian said it has numerous spelling and grammar mistakes and flow of the information jumps from one thing to another quite randomly, it needs to all flow together. Also again as Brian said the conclusion isnt very strong at the end either as i wasnt convinced it fully answered what she asked you.

Look above you i need 4 more paragraphs which i plan to use hercules to go to the underwolrd and fight hades and then hades in injury and must go to mount olmpus and herclues fights cerberus and then captures him to finsh his last labor. But i plain to use more details.
 
Re: My english project

blue crow;83921 said:
Hello my english teacher gave my class an eassy about myths like cerberus and hydra and the sphinx. What we have to do is prove the monsters not to be monsters and try to make them misunderstood. I picked cerberus beacuse i like dogs and he sounded really cool. Here is a work in progress note i have spell check but not grammer check so please do not correct anything. All i want you to do is read and tell me what needs more work on.

Monsters aren’t born they are made our tale begins at the time of gods and monsters. Cerberus The hell hound who guards the gate of the underworld. In some tales he had three heads in other’s fifty. Some say he is a monster but I say there wrong. Here is Cerberus tale that proves him of not being a monster.

Good start. Don't forget to cite where you learned that some tales say he had fifty heads
blue crow;83921 said:
Cerberus was parents were Typhon and Echidna. They were monster brought to the world thanks to mother earth that used them to punish Zeus for not keeping his promise. No wonder why Cerberus isn’t exactly normal because he never had a dad in his life thanks to Zeus. How ironic that Cerberus is working for the brother who helped led his fathers doom?

Interesting stuff. I want to know more
Expand this out further. Why did He not have a dad? Which one was his dad? what did Zeus do?
blue crow;83921 said:
Cerberus had eight siblings he was the second oldest. His brothers will be mention later in his tale but let’s talk a little more about Cerberus. His job was simple let the dead in and keep them in. Also he had to keep the living out by any means necessary. No wonder why he doesn’t like the living since his job is to stop them from getting past him.
Needs smoothing out
But you knew that :P
blue crow;83921 said:
Some times Cerberus had to find lost souls. He was a dog after all and had a great sense of smell. Once finding the soul he had to guide the soul all the way to the gate. Only once did a soul escape and Cerberus had no choice but to kill the soul meaning the soul would have no choice but to be trap there forever.

Hmm How did he search for lost souls and guard the gate at the same time. Who's soul did he kill?
blue crow;83921 said:
Brother after brother and sister after sister eventually all but Cerberus was alive. Heroes like Hercules were to blame he a mere mortal killed his brothers and sister he had to pay. He would have his chance he some how broke out of the underworld and found out the home town of Hercules. He went on a rampage bodies on the ground some not having an upper part or lower and others only having bones for the corpse.

More interesting stuff What was the name of the town? Who were his brothers and sisters?
blue crow;83921 said:
Blood dripping on the ground like rain drops. It was a massacre he showed them no mercy. After each kill he said in your name’s dear brothers and sisters. The felling he had before and after this event. As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I take a look at my life and realize there's nothing left
Because I’ve been killing and laughing' so long, that
Even my mama thinks that my mind is gone.

:ermm: he sounds like a monster to me a rapping monster at that :lol:
blue crow;83921 said:
By the end of the killing all knew from young to old. He went on and killed more people cause of him being used to killing humans and the hunger of the kill. He tried to fight his hunger but thanks to Hades and the gods it was impossible. His rampage lasted for a year in till the gods decided to capture him.
So his soul was tortured and it wasn't his fault video games I'm the Gods made him do it. OK just kidding. I'd like to know more about his grief and torment that drove him to the rampage ie humanize him
blue crow;83921 said:
But the killings were in vain because he destroyed the wrong town. When he found out this he cried for all he killed and he felt he owed the people he killed. He begged Hades to let the souls be free but Hades said no. However Hades made sure that there souls would live in the best part of the underworld.
Lost me on that part might want to reconsider it

So I get that it was a first draft good getting your ideas down.
I'd try and write in one or two sentances why he is not a monster. keep it simple you don't have to use them in the story but it will help you pull the pieces together.

Look forward to round two
 
Re: My english project

Just reminding you that it is supposed to be an essay about him not being born a monster, and after the third paragraph, it kind of turns into Cerberus's biography and him actually being a monster. I would start off by defining the word "monster" and the writing about his background, like what kind of world he was born into, specific events that turned him into a "monster", stuff like that.

I know that you've said you dont have grammar chack so I wont say anything. I don't know if this was a result of you not having a grammar chacker but, you need to use proper sentences, as this will help it flow better. Otherwise it was a good essay!

Hope I helped:D

P.S. How long does it have to be?
 
Re: My english project

blue crow;83921 said:
Brother after brother and sister after sister eventually all but Cerberus was alive.
... if all of his brothers and sisters are alive except for him, then what is he so ticked off about?
... I'm guessing you meant that all but cerberus were dead? or none but cerberus were left alive, rather than all?

an essay should have a very clear purpose, something which is very distinctly proven... as your thesis is meant to be that cerberus was not a monster, but merely misunderstood, perhaps focusing on his wantom acts of slaughter and rampages against innocent people would be best minimized... perhaps looking to more internal struggle? or the fact that he was never given a choice? =]
 
Re: My english project

Hexadecimal;83979 said:
... if all of his brothers and sisters are alive except for him, then what is he so ticked off about?
... I'm guessing you meant that all but cerberus were dead? or none but cerberus were left alive, rather than all?

an essay should have a very clear purpose, something which is very distinctly proven... as your thesis is meant to be that cerberus was not a monster, but merely misunderstood, perhaps focusing on his wantom acts of slaughter and rampages against innocent people would be best minimized... perhaps looking to more internal struggle? or the fact that he was never given a choice? =]

Opps i knew i made a mistake i am makeing 12 paragraphs. I have a begining and a middle at the end i will try to make people belive he is not a mpnster. For me the ending will be the hardest thing that i ever tried. But i need a good grade for school and all that jazz.
 
Re: My english project

Well, being awesome and all I edited it to make it much better. Hopefully you will get an incredible mark. (How old are you by the way?)
Anyway, I read it all and edited the bits I felt could have been better. Also, I took parts out and added parts in. But the parts I underlined I had no idea what the hell you were trying to say (Sorry:()
Here it is:

Monsters are not born; they are made. Our tale begins in the time of Gods and monsters. My subject will be Cerberus, the hell hound who, according to Greek myth, guards the gates to the underworld. In some tales, Cerberus has three heads, in others he has fifty. Some say Cerberus is a monster, but I say that they are mistaken.
This is the tale of Cerberus, the tale which proves him innocent.

Cerberus’ parents were the monsters Typhon and Echidna, brought to the world thanks to Mother Earth, who used them to punish Zeus for not keeping his promise. It is no surprise that Cerberus is not exactly normal, as he never had a fatherly figure in his life. It is ironic that Cerberus works for the person whose brother is responsible for his father’s death.

Cerberus was supposedly the second eldest of eight offspring. His job is simple: Let the dead in, and keep them in. Also he must keep the living out by any means necessary.
No wonder Cerberus despises the living.

Sometimes Cerberus was ordered to find lost souls. After all, he is a dog and naturally has a great sense of smell. Upon finding the lost soul he would guide it to the gate.
Only once did a soul escape, that Cerberus had no choice but to kill it, trapping it forever.


Brother after brother and sister after sister eventually all but Cerberus had passed away. Heroes such as Hercules were to blame as he, a mere mortal, killed his brothers and sisters. Cerberus sought vengeance. One day, Cerberus had his chance as he escaped the underworld and proceeded to track down Hercules. His search brought him to Hercules’ town. There, Cerberus went on a rampage; hundreds of corpses covered the ground. Some of them were dismembered, and others only had their bones left.

Blood dripped to the ground like rain. It was a massacre; Cerberus showed no mercy. After each kill he said in your name’s dear brothers and sisters. The felling he had before and after this event. As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I take a look at my life and realize there's nothing left

Because I’ve been killing and laughing' so long, that

Even my mama thinks that my mind is gone.



Cerberus went on to kill more people, as he was now used to killing humans and had become addicted; He was always hungry for his next victim. He tried to fight his hunger but thanks to Hades and the gods it was impossible. His rampage lasted for a year untll the gods decided to capture him.

However, the killings were in vain, as Cerberus had destroyed the wrong town. When he found out, Cerberus cried for all that he killed and felt that he owed them. He begged to Hades for the souls to be set free but Hades denied his wishes. Instead, Hades made sure that their souls would reside in the best part of the underworld.
 
Re: My english project

Thanks i will work on it soon and just to let you know i am 14. Any way like i said i dont have grammer check but i do have spelling check. My teacher checked it out and she wrote how to fix me errors and what needs more explaining. So i am either goona use your words or hers.
 
Re: My english project

Monsters aren’t born they are made Our tale begins at the time of gods and monsters. Cerberus the hell hound, who guards the gate of the underworld. In some tales he had three heads in other fifty. Some say he is a monster but I say they’re wrong. Here is Cerberus tale that proves that he is not a monster.

Cerberus, parents were Typhon and Echidna. They were monster brought to the world thanks to Mother Earth that used them to punish Zeus for not keeping his promise. No wonder why Cerberus isn’t exactly normal. He never had a dad in his life thanks to Zeus. Zeus sent Cerberus dad too a Tartarus meaning that he could never escape his fate like atlas the titan. That he could never escape from. How ironic that Cerberus is working for the brother who helped led his fathers doom?

Cerberus had eight siblings, he was the second oldest. His brothers will be mentioned later in his tale but let’s talk a little more about Cerberus. His job was simple let the dead in and keep them in. Also he had to keep the living out by any means necessary. No wonder why he doesn’t like the living since his job is to stop them from getting past him.

Some times, Cerberus had to find lost souls. He was a dog after all and had a great sense of smell. Once he found the soul he had to guide the soul all the way to the gate. Only once did a soul escape and Cerberus had no choice but to kill the soul, this meant soul would have no choice but to be trapped there forever.

Brother after brother and sister after sister eventually everyone was dead but Cerberus was still alive. Heroes like Hercules were to blame. He, a mere mortal killed Cerberus brothers and sister, he had to pay. Cerberus would have his chance he some how broke out of the underworld and found out the home town of Hercules. He went on a rampage bodies on the ground some not having an upper part or lower and others only having bones for the corpse.

Blood dripped on the ground like rain drops. It was a massacre he showed them no mercy. After each kill he said In, your names dear brothers and sisters”. These lyrics represent the felling he had before and after this event. “As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I take a look at my life and realize there's nothing left
Because I’ve been killing and laughing' so long, that
Even my mama thinks that my mind is gone”.

By the end of the killing everyone known about the killings from. He went on and killed more people, the hunger of the kill. He tried to fight his hunger but thanks to Hades and the gods it was impossible. His rampage lasted for a year until the gods decided to capture him.

The events leading to this is because of the twelve labors Hercules had to do in which he killed Cerberus brothers, and sisters. But the killings were in vain because he destroyed the wrong town. When he found out this he cried so hard that he made an ocean cause of his giant tears. He begged Hades to let the souls be free but Hades said no. However Hades made sure that there souls would live in the best part of the underworld.

After the massacre Hercules was ready to finish his last labor. How odd that his last labor would bring him to Cerberus the last monsters from Typhon and Echidna. Cerberus mean while was still weeping from the innocent people he had killed. Next thing he knows there is a big boom, with swords clashing it was Hercules and Hades fighting. Parry after parry, block after block, Sharp steel cutting flesh Hades fought hard but got injured and had to go to mount Olympus to recover.

Now it was just Cerberus and Hercules they each had something to say to each other. Cerberus said “Its time to pay for you killing me brothers, and sisters”. Hercules had to day “I am sorry for causing you pain but I had to cleanse my sins for killing my wife and kids”. Cerberus also said “Well I know your not here just to say hi what you want?” Hercules replayed “I am here to capture you so I will be forgiven for my sins this is my last task I will not kill you all I need you to do is come with me”.

As Cerberus was about to answer Hercules attacked him. So Cerberus had to fight back in self defense. Cerberus lifted his giant paw and striked Hercules, Hercules who had broken his weapon during the earlier fight had to dodge. Hercules had to out last Cerberus so he can wrestle him to the ground. After some fighting Cerberus was defeated and was tied up Hercules finished is quest by going to the king.

So let’s see he was kidnapped and he was drugged later in his life and had to live in agony because he killed people who didn’t deserve it. He was alone had nothing to do but to be Hades bouncer. So who’s the real monster? Our emotions, are feelings, our actions can list us as monsters. It’s a natural thing even for monsters like Cerberus we can call him a monster for something that any man or woman can fell which can lead to bad actions.

Or this verison?
Monsters aren’t born they are made Our tale begins at the time of gods and monsters. Cerberus the hell hound, who guards the gate of the underworld. In some tales he had three heads in other fifty. Some say he is a monster but I say they’re wrong. Here is Cerberus tale that proves that he is not a monster.
Cerberus, parents were Typhon and Echidna. They were monster brought to the world thanks to Mother Earth that used them to punish Zeus for not keeping his promise. No wonder why Cerberus isn’t exactly normal. He never had a dad in his life thanks to Zeus. Zeus sent Cerberus dad too a Tartarus meaning that he could never escape his fate like atlas the titan. That he could never escape from. How ironic that Cerberus is working for the brother who helped led his fathers doom?
Cerberus had eight siblings, he was the second oldest. His brothers will be mentioned later in his tale but let’s talk a little more about Cerberus. His job was simple let the dead in and keep them in. Also he had to keep the living out by any means necessary. No wonder why he doesn’t like the living since his job is to stop them from getting past him.
Some times, Cerberus had to find lost souls. He was a dog after all and had a great sense of smell. Once he found the soul he had to guide the soul all the way to the gate. Only once did a soul escape and Cerberus had no choice but to kill the soul, this meant soul would have no choice but to be trapped there forever.
Brother after brother and sister after sister eventually everyone was dead but Cerberus was still alive. Heroes like Hercules were to blame. He, a mere mortal killed Cerberus brothers and sister, he had to pay. Cerberus would have his chance he some how broke out of the underworld and found out the home town of Hercules. He went on a rampage bodies on the ground some not having an upper part or lower and others only having bones for the corpse.
Blood dripped on the ground like rain drops. It was a massacre he showed them no mercy. After each kill he said In, your names dear brothers and sisters”. These lyrics represent the felling he had before and after this event. “As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I take a look at my life and realize there's nothing left
Because I’ve been killing and laughing' so long, that
Even my mama thinks that my mind is gone”.
By the end of the killing everyone known about the killings from. He went on and killed more people, the hunger of the kill. He tried to fight his hunger but thanks to Hades and the gods it was impossible. His rampage lasted for a year until the gods decided to capture him.
The events leading to this is because of the twelve labors Hercules had to do in which he killed Cerberus brothers, and sisters. But the killings were in vain because he destroyed the wrong town. When he found out this he cried so hard that he made an ocean cause of his giant tears. He begged Hades to let the souls be free but Hades said no. However Hades made sure that there souls would live in the best part of the underworld.
After the massacre Hercules was ready to finish his last labor. How odd that his last labor would bring him to Cerberus the last monsters from Typhon and Echidna. Cerberus mean while was still weeping from the innocent people he had killed. Next thing he knows there is a big boom, with swords clashing it was Hercules and Hades fighting. Parry after parry, block after block, Sharp steel cutting flesh Hades fought hard but got injured and had to go to mount Olympus to recover.
Now it was just Cerberus and Hercules they each had something to say to each other. Cerberus said “Its time to pay for you killing me brothers, and sisters”. Hercules had to day “I am sorry for causing you pain but I had to cleanse my sins for killing my wife and kids”. Cerberus also said “Well I know your not here just to say hi what you want?” Hercules replayed “I am here to capture you so I will be forgiven for my sins this is my last task I will not kill you all I need you to do is come with me”.
As Cerberus was about to answer Hercules attacked him. So Cerberus had to fight back in self defense. Cerberus lifted his giant paw and striked Hercules, Hercules who had broken his weapon during the earlier fight had to dodge. Hercules had to out last Cerberus so he can wrestle him to the ground. After some fighting Cerberus was defeated and was tied up Hercules finished is quest by going to the king.
So let’s see he was kidnapped and he was drugged later in his life and had to live in agony because he killed people who didn’t deserve it. He was alone had nothing to do but to be Hades bouncer. So who’s the real monster? Our emotions, are feelings, our actions can list us as monsters. It’s a natural thing even for monsters like Cerberus we can call him a monster for something that any man or woman can fell which can lead to bad actions.
 
Re: My english project

I still think you could make it more about what him not being born a monster. I think you could concentrate more on him not being born a monster and, as Hex said, try to minimise the parts with him massacring towns and the like.
 
Re: My english project

It seems that was a huge waste of my time.
 
Re: My english project

droded;84181 said:
It seems that was a huge waste of my time.

...Trying to help someone is a huge waste of time? O.o
 
Re: My english project

He did not appreciate it I guess... I took 15 minutes of my life to check through an essay about monsters and it isn't even used...
 
Re: My english project

Damn, that is such a nice subject to write about - I wish my english teacher would give me that task. Lucy in Elfen Lied is the perfect subject to show that monsters aren't born, they are made, and now that I think about it I could write an awsome report on it this very moment...
 
Re: My english project

Yeah I know what you mean Tsuyu. This is extremely easy...
 
Re: My english project

droded;84244 said:
He did not appreciate it I guess... I took 15 minutes of my life to check through an essay about monsters and it isn't even used...

well... he did ask you not to...

blue crow;83921 said:
Here is a work in progress note i have spell check but not grammer check so please do not correct anything. All i want you to do is read and tell me what needs more work on.

you shouldn't look at helping people as a chore that "takes 15 minutes of your life"... if that's the way that you feel, then you're probably helping for the wrong reasons...
 
Re: My english project

droded;84244 said:
He did not appreciate it I guess... I took 15 minutes of my life to check through an essay about monsters and it isn't even used...

blue crow;84119 said:
Thanks i will work on it soon and just to let you know i am 14. Any way like i said i dont have grammer check but i do have spelling check. My teacher checked it out and she wrote how to fix me errors and what needs more explaining. So i am either goona use your words or hers.

This was a post RIGHT after your post...O.o And the fact that you took 15 minutes out of your life to help someone should make you feel good, No matter if they took your help or not.

Hexadecimal;84251 said:
you shouldn't look at helping people as a chore that "takes 15 minutes of your life"... if that's the way that you feel, then you're probably helping for the wrong reasons...
What hex said.
 
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