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Relationship advice time!

Walker

Walker

Ax-Wielding Nerd
Mar 14, 2007
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The Free Old Line State
So... hopefully my sister/girlfriend's best friend won't log on for a second time, ever, and see this but I have relationship troubles, and I don't have anyone else to ask about them. So, even though every other time I've done this I've basically ignored the advice I got, let's go!

My girlfriend goes to college three hours away. We started dating over the last winter break, we spent a lot of time together over the summer, and we've generally texted a LOT.

Unfortunately, I just started up my semester again, she went back to school, and I have not been able to text/talk to her as much. I've had class, I've had work, I've had an internship, I've had volunteer work, and when I DON'T have those I'm generally so tired that I just want to sit where I am and not move.

So, she's kinda freaking out because she isn't seeing me almost every day like over the summer and we haven't been texting as much and because we haven't found time to call or skype. And... I mean, honestly, I don't give a ****. Which then makes me feel bad. Last time she freaked out like this was when I got ME3 towards the end of my Spring Break, she was back at school, and I wasn't texting much because, you know, I had Cerberus and Reapers and Geth to kill.

And... now she's texting me and (my interpretation) trying to torment me with the skeezy-as-**** ex who still texts her all the time and who she still sometimes hangs out with. Apparently he was drunk-texting her about how he wanted to **** her if he was single.

And... right now I feel like I'm in the wrong here and I'm trying to get worked up and blame her. Because I was already thinking that she was way more into me than I am into her, and... yeah, I've been busy, but I could have been texting her more.

/end whiny bullshit.
 
HE actually does go to the same school I do. Only the school has about 25,000 undergrads and even if I did come across him I'm not sure I'd recognize him.
 
Three hours away isn't too far, I'm not even sure that would constitute long distance. Three hours isn't much to drive if you want to visit her/get her down to you over a weekend, but problems can arise if you don't want to put the effort in to see her. Sounds to me like you should evaluate the relationship and decide if you want it enough. I know I'm making it sound like your relationship is a massively arduous task but honestly if you don't think what you have is worth the extra effort, break it off.

And if she's trying to guilt trip you into feeling bad, that's just more points against her. A relationship shouldn't be stressful and when it becomes stressful then you know you're heading down a bad road.

My post is kinda word-vomitey I can't seem to collect my thoughts very well, but basically I'm trying to say:

  • If you want it, you can easily visit her on weekends. That should keep her happy because it's the best you can do.
  • If you don't want it, don't feel bad about saying it's not working out. If you're not seeing each other anyway it's not much of a relationship so you might as well clear it up for both parties involved.
  • Don't let anything cut you deep because stuff like this is normal and it's better to nail it on the head that let it linger in a fog of ambiguity.
Just my input hope it helps you brother
 
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Stupid question, but have you two actually discussed this properly first? Because if all you two are going on is a load of assumptions based on a lack of texts then that's a bit...silly. A lot of paranoid "he/she doesn't care anymore" stuff can be sorted with a chat about where things are at. Either her feelings are completely unfounded and in which case, you do need to offer some reassurance other than just a quick "yeah, we're still ok" type thing - or alternatively you really are not that fussed anymore, it was nice while it lasted but now you're just happy to be as you are without the added extras.

Having said that, anything in life worth having is generally something you have to work for. Even if you lived around the corner from one another, you'd still need to make the effort. You both do. Case in point: Steve and I lived 115 miles from one another, neither of us could drive and we still managed to see one another so it's not impossible, just requires more planning and a willingness to sacrifice certain things for one another, such as killing Reapers ;)

If she's trying to make you feel guilty then that's just a clear and classic case of insecurity, not a "well screw you coz I've got someone else waiting" sort of thing. Insecurity, if left to fester, will kill what is left of the relationship if you do want to stay together and so, again, you need to have a talk and nip it in the bud.

tl;dr: if you want to make it work, then the emphasis is on work. Be prepared to make an effort - both of you. If you're all done now, thanks and see you at Christmas maybe, then tell her rather than wait for her to get fed up and move on.
 
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Pretty much agree with all that Sharon & Nurps said, it kinda does sound like she's trying to attention grab you with the ex-boyfriend thing, but I can't blame her honestly.. she just wants to spend more time with you. And when you're dealing with long distance relationships like this, paranoia comes easily, my last ex lived 15 hours away from me in New Jersey and when my hours were starting to get tied up by other things I wouldn't hear the end of it with ceaseless texts. She (well.. technically he) started to assume that I was losing interest in her or seeing someone else, but I wasn't.. all we needed was a good serious chat with each other about what was going on, and it helped a good deal.

You can definitely make a better effort Walker, but letting her know all of what's going on with you can help things out and as a result calm down her constant texts. But a physical meet up if you can manage that again will of course do even better, texting & messaging simply doesn't compare to what spending time in person can offer.
 
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Seeing as the nail has been hit on the head several times already, I'm gonna wish you luck, Walker, and advise that you take their advice.

And leave this here...

allrelated.jpg


Amon and Le Fou know what's up.
 
She said it to make you jealous to make you talk to her.. and if that has what your relationship is based on now, its pretty bad.. and I understand you in the way you say "I dont really give a ****" Haha, its hard to sometimes..

Advice:
Pro's and Con's with the relationship, weigh them up, see which out weighs the other one.
Fighting the BF wont solve anything, just cause more problems, if it really ****es you off, tell her and then ask if she can no longer contact him, or whatever you will settle for..
Make time?

Annnnnd, thats about it, When it gets ****ty, I usually just say F*ck it and bail.
 
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