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The Fable according to Poopgod350 *may contain Spoilers*

poopgod350

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The Fable according to Poopgod350 *may contain Spoilers*

The begining
A boy in the holy town of Oakvale has forgotten his sister's day of birth.
The boys father promises him one gold piece for every good deed the boy does.

Something inside tells the boy that there is another way of earning money.

As the boy roams around Oakvale he does his deeds.

The boy returns to his father for his payment. Brom then pays his son.

The boy races to the trader and buys one box of chocolates for his sister.

When he meets his sister by the barrow fields gates a man ran through the gates screaming "BANDITS!" an arrow from an unknown source hit the man and he fell dead to the ground.

Bandits then pour into the holy city of Oakvale. One bandit stands over the dead man, kicks him ,and yells "Got one!"

The boy who is hiding behind a fence is frightened. This is the first time his life was touched by the sword.

When the violence subsided the boy went to go find his father. As the boy approached the dead remains of his father a bandit runs after him screaming.

The bandit was then struck by lightning from behind and Maze came and told the boy that if he did not grab his hand he would die.

Once the boy grabbed Maze's hand they teleported into the cross-roads known as Lookout point. The boy vomited on the floor and maze made a smart ass comment. The boy then tried to hit Maze, and Maze rubbed saving the boys life in the boys face. They then commenced unto the holy Guild of Heroes.

The Guild

When they entered the holy Guild of Heroes The Guildmaster was waiting in the foyer. Then Maze said unto the Guildmaster the words that made the boy happy to be alive "put him upstairs with the girl."

When the Guildmaster escorted the boy into the room the boy was disappointed when he saw that the girl was not there. When the Guildmaster left the room the boy began to cry.

In the morning the boy was awoken by a girl with a dark skin tone. He was then informed for the first time that they were supposed to meet the Guildmaster an hour ago.

The Guildmaster whom was not in the map room, where he was said to be, was waiting for us by the circle of melee.



*The Holy Book of Fable*
*I will finish this whether you like it or not*

 
G

GodSlam

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Re: The Fable according to Poopgod350 *may contain Spoilers*

"The Guildmaster whom was not in the map room, where he was said to be, was waiting for us by the circle of melee."

You can't say "us". You're speaking in third-person. Change it to "them".

I'd also like to know if you'd mind me helping with editing on this? I could send you PMs with revised versions of this post.

Danke~
 

droded

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Re: The Fable according to Poopgod350 *may contain Spoilers*

Why is everything 'Holy' in your version? Work on your punctuation.
 

poopgod350

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Re: The Fable according to Poopgod350 *may contain Spoilers*

It is supposed to be the book of a Fable based religion.
 

Wonderfoole WINO

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Re: The Fable according to Poopgod350 *may contain Spoilers*

i dont have anything to add at this time, i will pm or post here if i do.
 

poopgod350

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Re: The Fable according to Poopgod350 *may contain Spoilers*

ok that sound good
 

dragon flames

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Re: The Fable according to Poopgod350 *may contain Spoilers*

I think you should continue it.
you dont know the fathers name yet but you still put it in there and if youre talking in third person change ever "is" to "was"
you also forgot the "h" in "his"when the bandit is running toward him
 

Firis

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Re: The Fable according to Poopgod350 *may contain Spoilers*

"Why so serious?" about this poopgod350... show us a magic trick
 
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