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FableFreak
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The Manliest Men
Heres a list of Manly Men, you won't find these guys eating salad or getting manicures.
1. Chuck Norris: Do I need to explain why he is on here?
2.Mr. T: The same with Chuck Norris, he's just a plain old ass kicking, steak eating, beer drinking man.
3.Gregory Peck: Gregory Peck is a man's man, the kind of man you read about in the bible. A man who came from a time when beating your woman was not only socially acceptable, but encouraged (not that I'm saying spousal abuse is right, I'm just saying that sometimes she deserves it). He has the charisma of Frank Sinatra and the rugged manliness of a lumber jack. Even his last name is manly: "Peck," the phonetic equivalence of a slang term for a man's chest; it's a simple, almost primitive sound like a grunt, straight and to the point without fancy extra syllables and gratuitous punctuation. His default expression is a determined scowl, like he's prepared to introduce you to the business end of his shoe if you look at him wrong.
4.Aron Ralston: If you're asking yourself "who the hell is Aron Ralston," you'd better step back and re-evaluate your life right now. Ralston, the living legend, was hiking up a cliff in southern Utah (probably to do something manly like take a leak off of it), when a giant boulder fell on him, pinning his arm against the ground. Most people would have just died, but did he surrender his life to a mere giant life-threatening boulder? Hell no. He just kept getting angrier and angrier until he finally CUT OFF HIS ARM WITH A DULL KNIFE. This after he literally chiseled away at the bone so he could snap his arm off and free himself from underneath the rock. Yes, you read that correctly, he cut off his own arm with a dull pocket knife.
5.Captain Sigurdur "Iceman" Petursson: Captain Petursson, the skipper of a trawler named "Erik the Red," was watching his crew gut some fish one day when he saw a shark swimming towards them. Did he grab his skirt and run screaming like some nancy-boy? Hell no! He ran alright, right into the water, grabbed the 660 lb (300 kg) shark by its tail, dragged it to land and MURDERED IT WITH HIS KNIFE!!*$# Holy sh*t!
Although he's called the "Iceman," I have no doubt this man was born and raised a pirate. How can he not be? He probably eats rocks and craps gun powder. Captain Petursson is a real man in every sense of the word.
6.John Hirsch:
John Hirsch was minding his own damn business in his back yard when a black bear had the audacity to assault him in his own home. Hirsch pulled out his 3 inch knife and called the bear on, circling him like a wrestler in a ring. The bear kept swatting at him, but Hirsch ducked, then stabbed the bear in the face each time it lunged. When the bear finally had enough of its sh*t ruined, it finally gave up and died like a pussy: its tongue was severed, jaw broken and it had several new assholes ripped into it, making it more aerodynamic (if you happen to be optimistic).
Of course, animal rights groups bitched about Hirsch, saying the bear was just looking for food. No sh*t? I'm sure the bear would have had no qualm about eating Hirsch, and the dumbass animal rights activists would have gotten a huge chubby if the bear had eaten him. I wish a bear would eat them instead.
7.Judge Mathis: Judge Mathis deserves to be on this list simply because he happens to have the most finely tuned bullsh*t detector I've ever seen. Nothing gets past him. Sometimes he plays along with someone when he knows they're lying, letting the person build a complex house of contradictions thatched together with bullsh*t so he can come back and stomp everyone's ass in the court room. Judge Judy, Joe Brown, and "Texas Justice" Larry Joe have nothing on him. Mathis could chew them up and spit them out like a pile of soggy sausages. He's part Shaft, part Matlock (the non-flaccid, non-geriatric part), and all badass. Hail Mathis.
Number 8 removed.
Thats the Manliest men so far, post the manliest men you know, be sure to include a description of what makes them so manly or kick ass.
(Credit to Maddox, who is a manly man himself, for Numbers 3-7)
Heres a list of Manly Men, you won't find these guys eating salad or getting manicures.
1. Chuck Norris: Do I need to explain why he is on here?
2.Mr. T: The same with Chuck Norris, he's just a plain old ass kicking, steak eating, beer drinking man.
3.Gregory Peck: Gregory Peck is a man's man, the kind of man you read about in the bible. A man who came from a time when beating your woman was not only socially acceptable, but encouraged (not that I'm saying spousal abuse is right, I'm just saying that sometimes she deserves it). He has the charisma of Frank Sinatra and the rugged manliness of a lumber jack. Even his last name is manly: "Peck," the phonetic equivalence of a slang term for a man's chest; it's a simple, almost primitive sound like a grunt, straight and to the point without fancy extra syllables and gratuitous punctuation. His default expression is a determined scowl, like he's prepared to introduce you to the business end of his shoe if you look at him wrong.
4.Aron Ralston: If you're asking yourself "who the hell is Aron Ralston," you'd better step back and re-evaluate your life right now. Ralston, the living legend, was hiking up a cliff in southern Utah (probably to do something manly like take a leak off of it), when a giant boulder fell on him, pinning his arm against the ground. Most people would have just died, but did he surrender his life to a mere giant life-threatening boulder? Hell no. He just kept getting angrier and angrier until he finally CUT OFF HIS ARM WITH A DULL KNIFE. This after he literally chiseled away at the bone so he could snap his arm off and free himself from underneath the rock. Yes, you read that correctly, he cut off his own arm with a dull pocket knife.
5.Captain Sigurdur "Iceman" Petursson: Captain Petursson, the skipper of a trawler named "Erik the Red," was watching his crew gut some fish one day when he saw a shark swimming towards them. Did he grab his skirt and run screaming like some nancy-boy? Hell no! He ran alright, right into the water, grabbed the 660 lb (300 kg) shark by its tail, dragged it to land and MURDERED IT WITH HIS KNIFE!!*$# Holy sh*t!
Although he's called the "Iceman," I have no doubt this man was born and raised a pirate. How can he not be? He probably eats rocks and craps gun powder. Captain Petursson is a real man in every sense of the word.
6.John Hirsch:
John Hirsch was minding his own damn business in his back yard when a black bear had the audacity to assault him in his own home. Hirsch pulled out his 3 inch knife and called the bear on, circling him like a wrestler in a ring. The bear kept swatting at him, but Hirsch ducked, then stabbed the bear in the face each time it lunged. When the bear finally had enough of its sh*t ruined, it finally gave up and died like a pussy: its tongue was severed, jaw broken and it had several new assholes ripped into it, making it more aerodynamic (if you happen to be optimistic).
Of course, animal rights groups bitched about Hirsch, saying the bear was just looking for food. No sh*t? I'm sure the bear would have had no qualm about eating Hirsch, and the dumbass animal rights activists would have gotten a huge chubby if the bear had eaten him. I wish a bear would eat them instead.
7.Judge Mathis: Judge Mathis deserves to be on this list simply because he happens to have the most finely tuned bullsh*t detector I've ever seen. Nothing gets past him. Sometimes he plays along with someone when he knows they're lying, letting the person build a complex house of contradictions thatched together with bullsh*t so he can come back and stomp everyone's ass in the court room. Judge Judy, Joe Brown, and "Texas Justice" Larry Joe have nothing on him. Mathis could chew them up and spit them out like a pile of soggy sausages. He's part Shaft, part Matlock (the non-flaccid, non-geriatric part), and all badass. Hail Mathis.
Number 8 removed.
Thats the Manliest men so far, post the manliest men you know, be sure to include a description of what makes them so manly or kick ass.
(Credit to Maddox, who is a manly man himself, for Numbers 3-7)
