A little something.
- Thread starter GrimWhim
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Sephiroxas
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Re: A little something.
ooh i have a deviantart! I'l check it out!
ooh i have a deviantart! I'l check it out!
GrimWhim
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Re: A little something.
All thoughts are appreciated, yes, even the negative ones.
It was written years ago when I was depressed and since I'm a pretty shoddy writer, I can't guarantee it will even be worth reading. If it does suck that badly, I will not refund the minute of your life you spend reading it.
Heh.
All thoughts are appreciated, yes, even the negative ones.
It was written years ago when I was depressed and since I'm a pretty shoddy writer, I can't guarantee it will even be worth reading. If it does suck that badly, I will not refund the minute of your life you spend reading it.
Heh.
Warpedhero
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Re: A little something.
Very nice. Well written and flows like prose.
Very nice. Well written and flows like prose.
GrimWhim
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Re: A little something.
Thank you.
To those of you who are afraid I'll retaliate because you said something that was less than pleasant, don't. I'm a big boy and I can handle criticism but I prefer the constructive kind.
Don't be afraid to speak your mind, I know I'm not.
Warpedhero;427881 said:
Thank you.
To those of you who are afraid I'll retaliate because you said something that was less than pleasant, don't. I'm a big boy and I can handle criticism but I prefer the constructive kind.
Don't be afraid to speak your mind, I know I'm not.
Zjuggernaut
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Re: A little something.
I like the flow of it but unfortunately, I don't like dark/emo stories. I'd give it an easy 8 or 9/10 if I did.
I like the flow of it but unfortunately, I don't like dark/emo stories. I'd give it an easy 8 or 9/10 if I did.
GrimWhim
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Re: A little something.
No problem, I know most people aren't really interested in that sort of thing.
I appreciate the comment though.
Though, you should remember you're critiquing how good the story, poem, etc. is and how well written it is, not necessarily the content of said story, poem, etc.
Zjuggernaut;427893 said:
No problem, I know most people aren't really interested in that sort of thing.
I appreciate the comment though.
Though, you should remember you're critiquing how good the story, poem, etc. is and how well written it is, not necessarily the content of said story, poem, etc.
cheezMcNASTY
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Re: A little something.
i'm with zeej there.
your penmanship isn't too bad! you miss one or two rules that help increase continuity and flow but overall i have seen much, much worse.
there is one thing you seem to be struggling with, so i'm going to copy+paste some advice i gave to a certain someone on devilmaycry.org
this rule really is a must in writing. not only does it increase the overall flow of your writing and keeps the reader engaged, but working on this also excersized your vocabulary - furthering your writing as a whole.
Zjuggernaut;427893 said:
i'm with zeej there.
your penmanship isn't too bad! you miss one or two rules that help increase continuity and flow but overall i have seen much, much worse.
there is one thing you seem to be struggling with, so i'm going to copy+paste some advice i gave to a certain someone on devilmaycry.org
there were some bits that got redundant from your use of a single word (usually nouns or verbs for this rule) within a paragraph. If you find yourself reusing a word like that, consider using a synonym. Otherwise, maybe it's best to restructure the sentence so that using the word again isn't a problem. The exception to this is, of course if your repeating a word to increase emphasis. I.E. He got up from the bar, I stared. He walked over the the table where I sat, I continued staring.
GrimWhim
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Re: A little something.
Indeed and I agree. I wrote it when I was depressed hence the reason why it's somewhat dark and "emo". My vocabulary is somewhat limited but it has expanded over the years and I expect to see it only continue doing so.
I may edit it to remove some of the redundancy or I may keep it that way as a reminder. Seeing older work is always good because it shows you how far you've come and helps you to not make the same mistakes again.
cheezMcNASTY;427971 said:i'm with zeej there.
your penmanship isn't too bad! you miss one or two rules that help increase continuity and flow but overall i have seen much, much worse.
there is one thing you seem to be struggling with, so i'm going to copy+paste some advice i gave to a certain someone on devilmaycry.org
this rule really is a must in writing. not only does it increase the overall flow of your writing and keeps the reader engaged, but working on this also excersized your vocabulary - furthering your writing as a whole.there were some bits that got redundant from your use of a single word (usually nouns or verbs for this rule) within a paragraph. If you find yourself reusing a word like that, consider using a synonym. Otherwise, maybe it's best to restructure the sentence so that using the word again isn't a problem. The exception to this is, of course if your repeating a word to increase emphasis. I.E. He got up from the bar, I stared. He walked over the the table where I sat, I continued staring.
Indeed and I agree. I wrote it when I was depressed hence the reason why it's somewhat dark and "emo". My vocabulary is somewhat limited but it has expanded over the years and I expect to see it only continue doing so.
I may edit it to remove some of the redundancy or I may keep it that way as a reminder. Seeing older work is always good because it shows you how far you've come and helps you to not make the same mistakes again.
