A Project-Ego Story

queenofdisco

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Authors Note
This story came about after a discussion I had with CheezMcNASTY in the chat. We thought it would be rather grand if I wrote a story surrounding forum members. I don't class myself as a writer in any shape or form, this story is just a view of randomness from inside my head. So if it's not good, well I'm ok with that. I hope noone who is involved in the story minds being in it, though if someone does, I'll quite happily remove any trace of your name and replace it with something else or just completely remove that part.​

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the story.​

A visit from Uncle Cheez and Aunty John.

A Hobbe’s Tale.

“That’s the fourth time this week I’ve dreamt about dinosaurs”, Hobbe thought to himself as he arose from his bed sheets. “Maybe these dreams mean something?”. Hobbe then looked down at his sleeping attire, “Or maybe it has something to do with these dinosaur pyjamas I’m wearing?”. Hobbe breathed a deep sigh and leaped out of bed.

His house was unusually quiet. The normal sounds of morning tended to include loud music coming from the kitchen and the thumps of Hobbe’s mother dancing around to every single beat. Strangely, none of this was present. As he sauntered to the bathroom, confused, he began itching his epic bed-head, he acknowledged the absence of his mother from in her room, the bed perfectly and neatly made. He shrugged, and entered the bathroom and did his usual morning grooming routine. After he was done, he strolled back to his room and threw on his clothes, he had carefully picked out the night before, jeans and a t-shirt, with socks with dinosaurs on them (of course). He then stepped into his mucky trainers and left his room.

As he approached the stairs he thought “Why not?” and began sliding down the stair case, but this act of apparent coolness went wrong. Half way to the bottom, Hobbe fell from the banister and landed flat on his face. He quickly jumped back up onto his feet and looked around. “Wait.”, he thought. “Where is someone to laugh at my obvious fail?”, usually someone would be laughing at him right about now, but along with the loud music, this was absent.
Even more confused now, he walked to the kitchen, where placed on the kitchen table was a bowl of freshly made cornflakes, a plate of toast, with strawberry jam, and a glass of orange juice, but still there was no sign of Hobbe’s mother. He shrugged, sat down and began to eat his breakfast.

As he ate the last piece of toast and sipped the last drop of orange juice, Hobbe heard the most peculiar noise. It sounded like..people playing tennis. Hobbe pushed the chair and himself away from the table and stood up. He then looked out the kitchen window. He saw nothing, so he decided to go outside and find the source of the noises.

He walked down the garden path, the noises became more clear and he begun to hear voices coming from deeper into the garden. He tip-toed across the damp grass and poked his head round a hedge corner. He saw the last thing he had expected to see in his garden, there were three men and a dog all playing tennis. They had obviously set up the net themselves, as it’s appearance was new to Hobbe. He slid around the hedge corner and stared at them. The man, wearing a long flowery dress, closest to him suddenly stopped playing, a tennis ball landing next to Hobbes feet. The man’s faced beamed into a smile and walked quickly to Hobbe and hugged him. Hobbe’s face was pale white, he’d never been so frightened.
“You don’t remember me do you?”, the man said smiling. “I’m your Aunty John!”, Hobbe’s eyebrow lifted,
“Aunty..?”, Hobbe asked. Aunty John shrugged “Twice removed.”
Hobbe then nodded slowly.
“Now.”, Aunty John said quickly, “Surely you remember your Uncle Cheez?”
“Uncle..? You guys are..?”
“Twice removed”, Uncle Cheez said butting in.
“Right..”, said Hobbe, his head feeling heavy. “…and what about them?”, he said as he pointed to the two other individuals holding tennis rackets. “Oh that’s our man-servant, Hermit, he doesn’t talk much” said Aunty John. “He sort of just growls every so often.” said Uncle Cheez,
“Oh and that’s our dog Oni, he well, being a dog doesn’t say much either”, added Uncle Cheez.
“He sort of just growls every so often” said Aunty John, patting Oni’s head.

“Let’s go inside now gen..”, began Aunty John
“Wait!” shouted Hobbe. “Not until you tell me why you’re here!”.
“Calm down dear Hobbe.”, said Uncle Cheez. “We’re here to take care of you. As by your mother’s request.”,
“My mother?”,
“Yes Queen asked us to take care of you, while she goes on holiday..without you.”,
“Oh, ok.” Hobbe nodded, he wasn’t surprised, his mother was the type to go off without word and leave him with strange relatives.
“Hermit get the bags” said Aunty John almost skipping down the path.
“Merrrgh..” Hermit went as he grabbed the bags and walked towards the house. Oni followed him down the path, not uttering a sound.
“Let’s go son.” said Uncle Cheez grabbing Hobbe by the shoulder. They both walked together towards the house.
“So..uh..How did you and Aunty meet, Uncle Cheez?” asked Hobbe.
“A Vegas strip joint, you could say fate brought us together.” replied Uncle Cheez as he placed his hand on his heart.
“I won’t ask anymore..” said Hobbe looking away.
As they approached the back door, Aunty John stopped suddenly, “Hobbe are you expecting any visitors…apart from us?”,
“..No..” replied Hobbe looking confused.
“Wait here!”, said Aunty John as he pulled out a golf club from his jacket.

Aunty John ninja’d around the house, rolling around corners, humming the Mission Impossible theme to himself. He rolled into the living room and looked slowly up to see a bald man in a tuxedo standing in front of him..

“…and you are?” asked Aunty John.
“I’m the bane of your existence!” said the man.
“Peanuts?”,
“…No.” “I’m…” the mans clears his throat for a moment.
“I’M THE BANE OF YOUR EXISTENCE, THE SON OF THE DEVIL, DEVOURER OF SOULS, FEAR ME MORTAL!”
“Oh hi!” said James through the window.
“Go away James.” said the man throwing a fire ball at him, killing James instantly.
“Anyway…I’M AMON AMARTH!”
“So..you’re the bad guy?”
 

queenofdisco

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Yes..I am…YOU!”
Amon shouts as he points at Hermit as he appears round the corner with everyone else. “Give me back my dinosaur!” Hermit then legs it out the front door. Aunty John looks towards the window and sees a scantily clad scouser run past the window at lightning speed. Aunty John sighed. “Who’s going to carry the bags now?”
“Never mind that dear sir, you shall now pay for your companions mistake of messing with me!” Several bears in leotards appeared in front of Aunty John.

“Now my minions do my will!”, The bears and Aunty John began to wrestle. The rest of them stood and watched. Hobbe can’t believe what he was seeing. “Uncle Cheez…shouldn’t we do something?”,
“I think we’ll let them sort this out between themselves.” “Come now, Hobbe, Oni, tea?”

The three of them sat down on the couch and enjoyed some rich warm tea. Oni fell asleep, his head rested on a heart shaped pillow. Hobbe looked over at the continuing carnage.
Um..when will they stop?”,
“When they get tired, I guess.” replied Uncle Cheez.

Suddenly Amon shouted “Stop all of this stupidity and face me yourself mortal”
“Fair enough” said Aunty John releasing his tight headlock around a bears neck.
“Choose your weapon!”
Aunty John took out his trusty golf club.
Amon saw the club and quickly hid the silver spoon in his hand and replaced it with a large mallet. They both began to duel.
“I have to treasure these memories.” Cheez pulled out a camera and began taking pictures of the fighting two.

Many hours passed, and still neither seemed to be letting up, then the door bell rang.
Hobbe got up to answered the door and opened to find a strange man standing there. “Hello I’m Demi, Amon’s carer.” “I’m here to take him home.” Hobbe let the man in and as he stepped into the living room, Amon spotted and shouted
“No! I’m not coming back with you!” “I summon my flying pig Muffin”. Out of nowhere a pig with wings and deep red eyes appeared before them. Amon hopped onto his back and kicked his legs into the side of the pig. The pig then flied through the window, smashing it. They all watched from the window as he flies away into the distance. Demi sighed and firmly holds his net. “Goodbye everyone!” he then left

They all sat down on the couch. Aunty John turned on the T.V, and they all sat together and watched Titanic.

“How long are you guys staying?” asked Hobbe.
“As long as we’re needed” replied Uncle Cheez.
“Oh..great” Hobbe buries his head into his hands.
“So what about dinner?” asked Aunty John. “Take away?”
“TAKE AWAY!” they all shouted in unison, jumping and freezing in mid-air.
“Wait.” said Hobbe. “What kind?”
“Ah.” “Chinese?” asked Uncle Cheez.
“Oh but we had that last night dear.” replied Aunty John tapping Cheez’s nose.
“I want pizza.” said Hobbe.
“Pizza it is!” said Aunty John and Uncle Cheez together.
“Oni get the phone” Aunty John said to Oni. Oni got up and pulled Aunty Johns massive, brick like mobile phone from his snake skin handbag, and handed it to Aunty John.
Aunty John left the room to make the order.

After the order was made, they waited an hour for the delivery. Then the door bell rang.

Aunty John ran for the door, opened it, “What time do you..” Hermit stormed past. Behind him was a bewildered delivery woman. “Here’s you pizza..uh..sir?” “That’ll be £50.”
“Hmmph I think not!” “The time you took!” screamed Aunty John with his hand on his hip, tapping his foot.
“Look sir..”
“Whats you name young lady?” asked Aunty John glaring at the delivery girl.
“Gikoku sir..”
“So Gikoku how does it feel to know we’ve waited an hour for our food hmm? Guilty? You should be!”
“Yes..I’ve been a bad, bad delivery girl.” Gikoku bends over.
“Ur..” says Aunty John backing away.
Aunty John slowly closed the door and walked into the living room, holding the pizza.

“Who wants free pizza?” shouted Aunty John.
“Free..?” asked Hobbe. Aunty John nodded towards the window. Hobbe gazed through the curtains to see a girl in a skirt still bent over outside the front door, her face grinning in hope.
“I see..” says Hobbe reaching for a piece of pizza.
Hermit bites at Hobbes hand. “Merrrgh” he says glaring at Hobbe.
“No Hermit, let little Hobbe eat.” Uncle Cheez said shaking his finger at Hermit.
“Merrgh..” Hermit slopped away. “You need your strength Hobbe, eat!” said Aunty John squeezing Hobbes cheek.
As they all enjoyed their pizza a stranger approached the door. The stranger looked for a doorbell but finds none. Gikoku looked at the stranger, still bent over, and directed her eyes at her bent over behind. The stranger raised their hand and smacks Gikokus arse with wondrous fury. Gikoku let out a loud scream.

“Oh” said Uncle Cheez. “That’s the door.”
“Be a doll and get it would you Hermit” shouted Aunty John
“Merrrgh!” Hermit said as he sloped to the front door.
Hermit slowly opened the door and stood before him was a cloaked figure.
“Hello.” the voice said belonging to a woman. “I’m Angel, sister to Aunty John.”
“Have you got a womb?” said Hermit in a scruffy voice.
“Yes.”
Hermit directs his hand to the living room.
“May my sons, come in too?” Angel says looking back at two other hooded figures stood very close together. Hermit nods and directs his hands once again.

All four walk into the living room. Aunty John looks to the side and sees his sister.

“Angel, darling!” he says smiling and grabbing Angel.
“…And the twins two?” he adds releasing Angel from his tight grip, then grabbing for the
 

queenofdisco

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boys too. He then lets go and says “Please take off your coats.”
As they remove their coats, Hobbe spits his lemonade from his mouth and shouts squeakily “Those two are stuck together…?”
“Yes..thank you, Hobbe.” says Aunty John quickly.

The two boys were not just twins but Siamese twins.

“I guess they’re sort of your cousins. This is Walker and Arseface.”
“Arsefa..”
“I chose their names” says Angel butting in. “Beautiful names aren’t they?”
Hobbes face became white once again. He thought to himself “I must be dreaming..”
Hobbes thought was distracted when the two twins began arguing with each other.
“I say she likes me better Walker!” shouted Arseface.
“No me!” shouted Walker.
“What on earth?” said Uncle Cheez leaning in close to Hobbe to whisper.
“Mommy, Walker won’t let me have the girl outside, he says she likes him.”
“She does!” screamed Walker.

Hobbe and Cheez stood up to see the bent over delivery girl still present outside. They both sigh and sit back down.

Walker and Arseface began to nip and pinch each other.
“Enough!” screamed Angel. “You silly boys!”
“But mommy we love her!” they said in unison. They both then ran outside and started romancing Gikoku, while trying to quiet the other.
Angel sits down and takes out her crystal ball. “Tell me Steve, tell me all about this Gikoku…..Oh crap!” Angel ran for the door.
“Nooo!” she shouts as she spots one leaning in for a kiss. Things seem to be moving in slow motion . She grabbed both just in time. “You boys nearly got in a lot of trouble!” Angel grabs the boys by one of their ears and dragged them inside and into the kitchen. The sound of shouting and telling off came from the kitchen.
In the living room Aunty John shrugs and says “Heh, boys will be boys..”
“Hey look!” shouted Hobbe. “Someone else is coming!”

The newest stranger approached the door, and spotted the bent over ‘girl’ and on her butt sat a sign ‘Bell out of order, please smack.’, the stranger smacked and Gikoku let out a pleased “Ooooh!”

“Door!”, shouts Cheez. Hobbe looked around.
“I’ll get it shall I?”, Hobbe got up and opened the door.

Dressed in full roman armor was a man stood before Hobbe.
“Greetings young sir!” the man said bowing. “I am Drakan.”
Hobbe acknowledged Drakans exceptional manners.
“May I enter your doorway?” asked Drakan looking around inside
“Uh..sure..” replies Hobbe, moving out of the way.
Hobbe leads Drakan to the living room.

“Anyone know this guy?”
“Drakan, old boy!” shouted Aunty John. “You came!”
“Yes, I wouldn’t miss any of your parties!” shouted back Drakan, smashing his fist into the wall. “Oh who is that fine creature who’s boottius maximus I smacked outside?”
“Don’t ask.” says Cheez standing up to shake Drakans hand.
“Wait..party? What party?” said Hobbe looking at them all. “Queen’ll kill you all, if you have a party!”
“She said it’s fine!” said Aunty John winking.
“So..got booze?” asks Drakan looking around.
“Of course!” said Cheez as Hermit wheeled out the booze trolley.
Drakan grabbed a bottle of whiskey and sat on a chair in the corner. Moments later shouted, “I’m so gonna bang that girl out *hic* side..”

Hobbes face was the height of shocked when seconds later people started flooding into his once peaceful home.

Firstly a young woman walked in with a man wearing oven mitts, chained to her wrist. Like the fonz she said “Eeeeeyh!” She then proceeded to draw on the walls whispering “Crayons…I love crayons..” the man chained to her trailing along the wall beside her while he shouted “Oven mitts!!”.

“Oh hi Sephi and Howler!” said Aunty John raising his hand to wave then lowering it quickly as she began to draw on Oni’s face. “Um..” said Aunty John “Ok..”.

Three more people entered the room.

“Noctus…Tyloric…Firis! Welcome guys!” shouted Aunty John throwing beer bottles.

Purps then walked in and placed his DJ gear on the coffee table and began to play dubstep.
“Rave to dubstep!” he shouted bobbing his head to the beats.
“YUS!” screamed Necro as he smashing through another window. Noticing the broken window Gikoku creeped into the house and sat on Drakans lap “Hey handsome” she said stroking his face. Drakans eyes opened suddenly.
Necro was stealing the dance floor, spinning and turning to the beats.

Everyone looked to the side to see two big chunky, bearded Vikings standing in the living room doorway.
“Oh hi Tsuyu…and Albion Knight!” hounded Aunty John, his arms opened wide.
“Play…techno…” grunted Tsuyu walking into the room, Albion Knight following close behind. “Dance!” grunted Albion Knight. Everyone began to dance furiously to the music.
“Big fish, small fish, cardboard box, big fish, small fish, cardboard box!” screamed Cheez along with the appropriate hand gestures.

As the party continued, and people became increasingly drunk. A familiar face appeared..
“I HAVE RETURNED!” shouted Amon sat on his flying Muffin. He then steps off the pig and walks towards the party goers. “Miss me?” he added grinning evil like. “Where’s my invite or is it VIP only? Hmm?” “Ah..” he sniffs. “I can sense Asian women with my... Asian woman detector... Thing…” something in his pocket beeps, he then walks over to Gikoku and slaps her behind, her still sat on Drakans lap. Then walks back to the party goers in the
 

queenofdisco

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centre of the room.

“Don’t be silly Amon.” said Uncle Cheez looking around shakily, “Join us please.” Cheez threw a beer at Amon.
Angel and the twins returned, their faces red, they spottted Gikoku on Drakans lap and proceeded to argue vigorously with him, while Angel stared into Amons bald, shiny head. “I like bald things…” She then reaches for his scalp but Amon swots her hand away. “Vile woman, back!”​
“Now, now, can’t we all be friends?” asked Aunty John. “Let’s hold hands and..”

“What the..?” said Hobbe looking in the direction of the window, one not yet broken.
They all looked in the direction of the window to see, a face creepily leering through the window. “Mj?” uttered Hobbe. Uncle Cheez walked over to the window and slowly lowered the blinds hiding the face.

Uncle Cheez then claps once, “Twister?!” he said reaching for the Twister mat. The twister was a party ender, perhaps the idea of physical touch put the majority of the party guests off. They all left, leaving Aunty John, Uncle Cheez, Hobbe, Hermit and Oni all alone. “I hate when parties end.” says Aunty John his face sad looking “I feel..so empty inside.” He began to walk away, “I need to be alone for a moment..” he closed the door behind him.

“So what now?” asked Hobbe.
“Twister?!” shouted Uncle Cheez still holding the mat.
“No.” said Hobbe taking the mat away from Uncle Cheez.
“Wait do you hear that?” whispered Hobbe. The sound of tip-toed feet was coming from the hall. “Aunty John?” asked Hobbe.
“Yes dear?!” Aunty John shouted.
“Is that you in the hall?”
“No, I’m upstairs changing my tights!”
“Oh then what..?”
They then all heard the sound of someone saying to themselves, “Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun..” then through the door burst a man wearing a white hoody with a trench-coat over it with two kitchen knives taped to his wrists. “Daemon!” the man shouted. He then rolled over, but knocked his head on the table. “Daemon..” he uttered with tears in his eyes.
“Who the hell is this..?” asked Hobbe looking at Uncle Cheez.
“DAEMON!” the strange man screamed.
“Oh him? said Uncle Cheez smirking “That’s just Daemon.” Daemon then stood behind Hobbe. Hobbe could feel his breath on the back of his neck. “What the hell are you doing?!” shouted Hobbe turning round at Daemon. Daemon gasped and began to run vigorously away saying “Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun..” more quickly to himself. They then all heard another window break and Daemon screaming “Daemon!”, they then all looked out one of the living room windows and saw Daemon running and rolling about in the street. Daemon then whistled for a taxi and was driven away.

Aunty John thundered down the stairs. “Cheez soup!” he shouted.
“Oh lord..” said Uncle Cheez. “Here..take Hermit for a walk, Hobbe.” “I need to ‘deal’ with your Aunty.” Cheez pushed them out the front door along with Oni.

Hobbe looked around, noticing how late it was, he shrugged and began walking down the street. “No Hermit!” he screamed as Hermit began to hump a lamp post. Hobbe took out his water spray and sprayed Hermit several times.
“Merrgh..” grunted Hermit backing down. They then continued until they passed a bus stop, and spotted Gikoku, the delivery girl, bent over waving her ass in Purps face, him ignoring her and holding up his DJ gear as protection. She waved at Hobbe on his way passed. Hobbe waved back with a crooked smile placed on his face

Hobbe and his companions reached a corner and from behind the corner was a man in roller-skates zooming past. Hobbe looked to the individuals back and saw ‘Disco Droded’ written on the mans jacket. The man stopped and turned round and then skated towards Hobbe. “Hello young man.” he said, “Wanna buy some drugs?” Hobbe backed away shaking his head and then crossed the road. He looked behind and saw Droded skate over to Gikoku and Purps.

Hobbe continued until he got to an empty park. He let Hermit off the leash then Hermit and Oni began running about frolicking on the grass. Hobbe sat down onto a bench and became lost in his own thoughts, not noticing both Hermit and Oni running after a passing red van.

Once he realised he stood up and began running after them. Not running fast enough he, shouted “Hey Droded!” “Give me your roller skates.” Droded shrugged and took off his roller skates and threw them to Hobbe. Hobbe put them on and began rolling after them down the street. Droded then placed an alternative pair of roller skates on his feet.
Hobbe whizzed down the road loosing sight of Hermit and Oni, “Oh no!” he thought “I’ve lost them.” he collapsed in a heap on the ground. “Uncle and Aunty are gonna kill me..” He got up and began slowly roller skating home.

When he arrived home he took off the roller skates and walked into the house. He went through the living room door and saw Hermit and Oni tucking into a sandwich each, Hobbe sighed and thought to himself “Of course..”. He sat down onto the couch and began staring aimlessly at a spot on the wall in front of him.

Aunty John and Uncle Cheez walked in, “Why so glum?” asked Aunty John.
Hobbe sighed “I’m sick of all this, you all should leave.” They all gasped.
“Hobbe?” asked Uncle Cheez. Hobbe looks at Uncle Cheez. “Do you need us to sing?”
“No.”
“I think we do” they all said in unison.
“Please don’t!” says Hobbe…

:singing:

Aunty John-“When you’re feeling down!” :trumpets:
Uncle Cheez -”There’s no need to frown!” :more trumpets: :strings:
Hermit- “Merrgha hurrgh a merrgy a hurrrrrg!”
Aunty John -“Take it away Oni” :drum beats:
Oni-”…………………………...........”
Aunty John- “Good!”
:instrumental break:

Aunty John- “When you feel like it’s over” :trumpets:
Gikoku- “Then just bend overrrrr” :more trumpets: :strings:
Angel- “When you nearly fall!”
Amon- “I hate you all”
:chorus, all characters in story sing in unison:
“Life isn’t as bad as you think.”
“Life isn’t a drain in the sink”
“You don’t need to circle around”
“’Cause you are happiness bound!” x2
Walker- “When you feel like having a rage!” :trumpets:
Arseface- “Take another look at the page!” :more trumpets: :strings:
Drakan- “Life isn’t that bad”
Tsuyu- “It’s rather rad!”
:instrumental break:

Daemon- “DAAAAAAEMON!”
MJ- “Lalalalalala salmon!”
Hobbe- “I guess you’re all right!”
All-“We know we’re right!”
:chorus, all characters in story sing in unison:

“Life isn’t as bad as you think.”
“Life isn’t a drain in the sink”
“You don’t need to circle around”
“’Cause you are happiness bound!” x2
All- “Cause you’re HAAAAAPIIIINESSSS BOUND!!!!”
:instrumental climax:

They all collapsed in a heap.
In a deep dark cave somewhere in Africa.. “All is going according to the plan..” says a mysterious voice..

The end.

Or is it..?


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

mjmarin12

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Hahaha, that was a great read! It seems so realistic, which makes it all the more enjoyable. I cant wait for part 2!
 

cheezMcNASTY

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i especially liked the part where i scared everyone away at the thought of physical contact.
 

Gikoku

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A Giki-chan doorbell is just plain awesome. Thank you for that enjoyable story. :D
 

D3m190d

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I loved it, all of it. Especially the very last end. I was like ''...Aww yeah''. You, Q, made my day. ^_^
 

Gikoku

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I like my ass in Purp's face.
 

Angel

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Love it :D

I like how I'm in it now - this pleases me greatly.
 

Daemon300

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I like how I gave you the idea for the ending.

It was alright, I don't think it was that special, sorry Q. My favourite part was when Walker and Arseface took off their coats. I chuckled to that.
 
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