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Catacomb B [suspense]

Firis

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Catacomb B [suspense]

The dirty catacombs smelled of rotten flesh and the walls were covered in spider webs, James was starting to wish he hadn't come down to this place, with the monsters clawing at the walls and snakes slithering around his feet. James never would have considered it, especially as poorly equipped as he was, but Lilith was worth it; his love, or soon to be anyway was captured and brought down here, where monsters and demons lie. She was dragged down here by a deadly cult, and he would rescue her.

The halls seemed to go on forever, an endless stretch of grey and brick; they did something to his mind, for no reason that he could think of, he chuckled madly. James stepped further in, torch in one hand, dagger in the other some odd music came up from the catacombs. Screeching noises came in line, an evil chant. As he took another step his hair was blown back from a strong wind that smelled of mold and rotting flesh. His instincts told him to run, it took every fiber of his being to push himself further to find his love, something chirped eerily then a shadow jumped out at him. He slashed at it as it screamed he sidestepped and peered at what he had hit: A Goblin, grey, scaly and bumpy with yellow eyes, those evil eyes closed slowly as a crackly breath escaped the dying creature, James pushed on to find the chanting and the cult.

He was deep in the recesses of the catacombs now, the chanting and noise became much louder and clearer, he broke into a jog as his torch was nearly out and then he would have to pull out his slightly less powerful Lamp. As he grew closer the noise stopped, and so did he; he listened intently for a hint of the cult or his wife, but he heard nothing. He sprinted in the direction where he last heard the noise, in mere minutes he had arrived to a doorway. As he reached for the doorknob he readied his dagger, he slammed open the door ready to fight, but nothing was there, or more precisely no living thing was there. Twelve robed corpses lay on the ground, mutilated by some force his wife missing, all except for her foot and an eye, he began to sob, but also looked around searching for what killed them, as he wiped the tears away the gust of wind he had smelled earlier came from behind...

Crunch.



Not bad for a twenty minute effort?
 

Tyloric

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Re: Catacomb B [suspense]

Firis;395773 said:
The dirty catacombs smelled of rotting flesh, walls were in spider webs. James was starting to wish he hadn't come down to this place, with the monsters clawing at the walls and the snakes slithering around his feet. >>

James never would have considered it, especially when he was so poorly equipped, but his love, Lilth, was worth it. Or rather, soon to be love, anyway. She was captured and brought down here, where monsters and demons lie. She was dragged down here by a deadly cult, and he would rescue her.

The halls seemed to go on forever, an endless stretch of gray brick. They seemed to do something to his mind and for no reason that he can think of, he chuckles madly. James stepped further in, a torch in one hand, a dagger in the other.

Some odd music suddenly comes up from the catacombs, screeching noises came in line, an evil chant. As he takes another step his hair is blown back from a strong gust of wind that smells of mold and decay. His instincts tell him to run, and it takes every fiber of his being to push himself foward to find his love.

Something chirps eerily as a shadow jumps out at him. He slashes at it as it screams. He sidesteps and peers at what he had hit; a Goblin. Gray, scaly and bumpy with yellow eyes. Those evil eyes close slowly as a crackly breath escaps the dying creature. James pushed on to find the source of the chanting as well as the cult.

He was deep in the recesses of the catacombs now, the chanting and noise became much louder and clearer. He breaks into a jog as his torch is nearly out and if that happens he will have to pull out his slightly less powerful Lamp.

As he grew closer the noise stopped, and so did he. He listens intently for a hint of the cult or his wife, but he hears nothing. He sprints in the direction where he last heard the noise and in mere minutes he had arrived to a doorway. As he reaches for the doorknob he readies his dagger and he slams open the door ready to fight; but there nothing was there, or to be more precise, no living thing was there. Twelve robed corpses lay on the ground, mutilated by some force, his wife missing. All except for her foot and an eye. He begins to sob, but also looks around searching for what killed them.

As he wipes the tears away the gust of wind he had smelled earlier comes up from behind...

Crunch.

I took the liberty of beta reading it for you. <3

Not bad, but you need to learn to go back and proof read. All my changes are in bold.
 

Firis

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Re: Catacomb B [suspense]

^Thank you, and the suggestions you sent over Facebook will help as well.
 
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