Fable IV: Return of the Crawler

Tyloric

Illogical Process of Elimination
One thing that immediately became apparent to me is that you use a lot of pronouns, especially in the introduction. You keep saying 'he' and 'him'. You need to watch that. There is a line between being mysterious and being irritating.

Another thing to keep an eye out for is tense. I noticed near the end of the (second? I think?) chapter you started to drift between past and present.

These are small complaints, but they really bugged me.

Excellent writing style, though. I look forward to reading more.
 

Syrane

New Member
In chapter one it says '
The Court had finally gained control of the old kingdom for a time after many failed attempts.'; I thought the Old Kingdom was established by William Black after defeating the Court?

Other than that, it was pretty interesting, good job :)
 
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