~Working Title~ Chapter one sample.

[Skormsarrow]

~Working Title~ Chapter one sample.

Here is a sample from a first chapter, please note I don't take any of you for fools and know it is a rewrite of fable, how ever I'm re writing it first so I can entwine it with the second coming story of a different hero,

As I said it is a sample as I did not think 7 pages would fit into one post/small chunks are easier for readers to digest.

Comments/[FONT=&quot]Criticism[/FONT] welcome, as well as [FONT=&quot]Grammar[/FONT] and punctuation suggestions/corrections

[FONT=&quot]Chicken Chaser did not know if only seconds or hours had passed. The bandits stop emerging from the town gates and the screams had started to fade into the distance. It took three attempts to raise himself off the ground. He took small steps at first then larger steps until be broke out into a run. He decided it would be best to take the mountain along the bridge back to his house rather than run through the centre of the town. He got to the top of the hill, looked forward over the fence, and saw the true horror of what the bandits had inflicted on his hometown. Every home and shop was on fire. Bandits were running in and out of each one their arms holding onto what ever they could grab from each shop, out the inn poured many bandits each holding kegs of cider and ale. Every so often villagers were running through the centre chased by bandits they did not last long, men, women and children. Some were shot with an arrow, others were sliced the unfortunate few who tried to defend themselves were tortured in horrific and unbelievable ways for their courage. “Every one is dead or dying, why was Theresa taken away and not killed?” He thought to himself. He decided to put the thought to the back of his mind, not daring to think what could be happening to her, a tear poured down his cheek. He wiped it away and pressed on towards the bridge[/FONT]

 

[Zjuggernaut]

Re: ~Working Title~ Chapter one sample.

Not bad at all. +Rep.

 

[Skormsarrow]

Re: ~Working Title~ Chapter one sample.

ta, sample from chapter two coming soon tryin to pick a intrestin part outta it

 

[Daemon300]

Re: ~Working Title~ Chapter one sample.

Woa... Nice. Rep 4 u, now let's think of a tittle... Hmmm... Fable? Lol XD

 

[Skormsarrow]

Re: ~Working Title~ Chapter one sample.

ta, chapter two almost complete so expect the next sample before tomorrow night monday at the latest, as soon as I get around to downloading software to convert files to PDF format then I'll make the whole chapter 1 avaiable to anyone who wants to read it,

erm make that tuesday possiably now, may have opened one to many largers when i got home from work

 

[Skormsarrow]

Re: ~Working Title~ Chapter one sample.

Well I promised it, here chapter twos sample

He started climbing up the stairs. They were very steep and the walls around them were cold to the touch. It was a cramped space but the stairs were only a flight and a half before the Guildmaster reached the top. The room the guild master entered was large, on the right wall; there was a huge bookcase, crammed to the top in modern and ancient books. There were sets of amour decorating every corner of the room and at the top of the staircase. To his left there was a fireplace, lit. It was roaring with flames, blue and purple entangled within each other, there were three logs carefully placed in the fireplace and none had a single burn mark on them. The fire left no taint of the cold wind emerging from the staircase below. In front of the fire was two arm chairs one with its back facing the Guildmaster, as always and the other facing the Guildmaster inviting him to sit, he did so. On the other chair, Maze sat with his eye closed but fully aware of the Guildmaster presence. Between them was a small wooden circular table, with gold thread embroiled into it, on top the table rested a blue bottle half full with a dark brown liquid and either side two carefully crafted glasses again with the gold thread attached, both half filled with the dark brown substance. The Guildmaster broke the silence, “fine aged whiskey from a forgotten city? The last of the once great golden maple tree from knothole glade burning in your fire? It must have been a truly horrific scene to what I thought for you to using these.”
“Like no other I have witnessed, and these exotic items are what relax me these days”. The Guildmaster left it at that and begun a new line of conversation, “what of the boy?” he said
“What of him” Maze replied still with his eyes closed.
“Why him, why did you bring him only, there must have been more survivors. Even if there wasn’t, why did you bring him here and not drop him off in the slums of Bowerstone?” The Guildmaster questioned
“Hardly the best place after what he’s been through tonight”.
“He has gone through what most go through in life, death”
“I found him weeping over his, or who I guess he was, fathers body. Not many go through the situation of seeing your father lying dead on the floor and your home burning to the ground, death is one thing, but he has lost his way of life everything that meant something to him. Now he has to start afresh.”
“Very well, however”
“What is it now?” Maze sighed while scratching his head and for the first time opening his eyes and looking down to his feet then to the Guildmaster
“He is late in age to train, I am wondering how is the best way to approach the situation”
“Indeed, I think its best if we pair him with one of the higher standard apprentices, we don’t normally do such things but as you say it is late.” Maze agreed
“Who would be best to pair him with then?” The Guildmaster questioned,
“I believe Thunders sister would be suitable, she also has a fiery temper it should keep him on his feet.”
“Whisper, she won’t be pleased”
“Then she can forfeit her place in the guild, she is old enough at ten to know she will not always get her own way.” He said with slight anger in his voice
“As it happens I have placed him in her dormitory. As there was a spare bed in there. I will note it in the morning it is now taken”.
“Very good.” With that the Guildmaster finished his drink, stood and headed for the spiral staircase. He took the first step and turned his head to where Maze was sitting, “Out of interest, why where you in Oakvale tonight?” the Guildmaster asked.
There was silence. The Guildmaster turned in his head and walked down the steps.

slightly bigger than the last sample but I enjoyed writing this piece, I tried to show what sort of relationship the Guildmaster and Maze had.

Again comments appreciated, spelling/grammar corrections wanted, suggestion needed =p and criticism more than welcome

Expect chapter three sample withing a week two at the most, atm on college working on two grueling ten hour exams -.-

 

[Daemon300]

Re: ~Working Title~ Chapter one sample.

Rep for you DDDDDDDD

 

[Skormsarrow]

Re: ~Working Title~ Chapter one sample.

Thanks again Dae, as mentioned I am in college for exams the up coming two weeks so I have had a set back on my schedule for chapter three, and to top it off I've been ill in bed all day and it looks like a repeat tomorrow -.- but I hope to get underway on chapter three tomorrow and have a sample up and running withing two weeks max

 

[James Butts]

Re: ~Working Title~ Chapter one sample.

Great story+rep

 

[Skormsarrow]

Re: ~Working Title~ Chapter one sample.

chapter three progressing slower than expected so ill upload another section of chapter two tonight when i get home from work