• Welcome to the Fable Community Forum!

    We're a group of fans who are passionate about the Fable series and video gaming.

    Register Log in

a story-unfinished

Status
Not open for further replies.

Lupus

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 8, 2006
Messages
206
Reaction score
3
Points
45
Age
30
a story-unfinished

ok well its unfinished and very long so.....


Licentia’s Reign



Prologue

A tear rolled down Licentia’s cheek as she gazed into her brothers cold dead eyes. Her hair stuck to her tear sodden face. Golden strands covered her eyes as she knelt down and wept. She covered his body with hers as if trying to stop him leaving. But it was obvious the spirit had gone the body was nothing but an empty shell. She started to whisper obviously going insane over her loss over and over,
“They will pay, I swear they will pay, the world will pay!!!! Mortuus has not died in vein.”

She stole his blade and left. Fires burning around her she left all that she knew and loved never to be seen again until one day five years later she rode back into town bearing her brothers sword and dark evil armour. She rode to the palace strode into the throne room and slayed the king. He wept at her side slowly dying clinging to her. Her now grey hair and pale skin twisted with insanity grinned at him as she took one final stroke. Licentia bent down and picked the crown from his head. Then she walked to the throne and sat, spinning the crown on her finger. Then she said
“Now for the rest of the world,” and broke into laughter


Chapter 1

13 years later in a small village…
A candle burned brightly on the wall as Lucis worked. Sweat dripped from his forehead as the horses whinnied behind him. Everyone got the day off to mourn except him.
“It’s my birthday the exact day the king died and I still have to clean these damn stables.”
Abandoned at birth Lucis was taken in by a stern inn keeper and lived to hear the stories of the travellers who stayed in the inn. He was found with a note with a name and age it was only later he discovered that he was born the day the king died; he was born the day the kingdom fell! His blonde hair covered his face as he worked shovelling out the stables. Outside he heard a trot.
“Oh great more horses to clean” he sighed but then he heard a shout and the sound of an arrow he rushed out and found a man heavily clad in the armour of the rogues.
“THE UNDEAD ARE COMING!!!!! FLEE!!!!”
“You’re hurt badly!” Lucis exclaimed.
“Leave me and take this take it to the rogues they need it if they have any chance of finding the true King!” and with that he died.
“But the king is dead!” he shouted as though by shouting the man could hear him through the wall that is death. He raised the alarm running into the inn and waking everyone. He clutched up a sword and a horse and fled.
The inn burned and as he galloped. The inn and his life.

He galloped for days not stopping not looking back for fear the undead were following. He arrived at a small town; its name was Pax Pacis. The birds sung and he knew this was a place he could stay in safety until he found a rogue that is. He arrived at a small inn. Nothing as grand as his old home, but it had the air of a palace and its customers were treated as royalty. He was taken to a room where he immediately fell into a deep slumber.

Upon waking he felt the bundle he had received from the rogue in a pouch and on it a map to this very inn.
“If only I had seen this earlier” he said aloud.
On the back were instructions on meeting a rogue spy named Custodis; “he will wear a cloak of black and has hair as white as snow he bears a crescent scar over the right eye. For him to identify you must be in the inn’s bar at 5 strikes of the clock and must sit at the table in the corner. You must not be late!!!”
“More for me to do! This saving the world crap isn’t everything its cracked up to be!” Lucis thought. He looked at the clock as he heard the first chime.
“oh god I’m gonna be late!” and with that he ran clutching the bundle.


Downstairs he sat at the table and waited. Soon a man walked over and sat down. He looked exactly as described.
“do you have it?” he asked his voice hard and quiet. Lucis set down the bundle.
“Perfect” he said.

tell me wat u guys think and wether i should carry on with it
 

Lupus

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 8, 2006
Messages
206
Reaction score
3
Points
45
Age
30
Re: a story-unfinished

dont wrry i'm workin on the next chapter now lol
 

Lupus

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 8, 2006
Messages
206
Reaction score
3
Points
45
Age
30
Re: a story-unfinished

ty hmm may take a eragon route u know gem turns out to be dragon egg or maybe a more old kingdom route with sum sort of necromancy goin on choices choices wat do u guys think
 
E

ennio

Guest
Re: a story-unfinished

Lupus;29557 said:
ok well its unfinished and very long so.....
But it was obvious the spirit had gone the body was nothing but an empty shell. She started to whisper obviously going insane over her loss
tell me wat u guys think and wether i should carry on with it

Jeez carry on with it , i love the way u started it. and the line i quoted is just awsome!
:w00t: :w00t:
 
F

FableFreak

Guest
Re: a story-unfinished

Holy sh*t, whats with all the fan fiction?
 

Lupus

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 8, 2006
Messages
206
Reaction score
3
Points
45
Age
30
Re: a story-unfinished

to be honest this isnt fan fiction this is just a fantasy story by me i just wanna get it around cause i am undecided whether to carry on and want other ppl's opinions
 
F

FableFreak

Guest
Re: a story-unfinished

It was good, much better than any other I have seen. It actually has correct spelling and grammer! Some people could learn from that.....
 
F

Fable_Fan005

Guest
Re: a story-unfinished

fablefreak1;29991 said:
It was good, much better than any other I have seen. It actually has correct spelling and grammer! Some people could learn from that.....

What are u trying to say?
 

Lupus

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 8, 2006
Messages
206
Reaction score
3
Points
45
Age
30
Re: a story-unfinished

thats because i actually wrote it in a word document in full i only poosted here because i want opinions
 

Angel

Down with this sort of thing
Guildmaster
Town Guard
Joined
Aug 13, 2006
Messages
7,598
Reaction score
1,395
Points
365
Re: a story-unfinished

I like it - it grabs the attention of the reader immediately and, as you can already see, leaves them wanting to find out more. Post some more of it!
 

Lupus

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 8, 2006
Messages
206
Reaction score
3
Points
45
Age
30
Re: a story-unfinished

i will eventually
 
F

FableFreak

Guest
Re: a story-unfinished

Fable_Fan005;29998 said:
What are u trying to say?

I'm just saying some people could learn to type a little better and not make incoherent, rabbling posts that sound like jibberish.
 
P

Poppycock

Guest
Re: a story-unfinished

fablefreak1;30412 said:
I'm just saying some people could learn to type a little better and not make incoherent, rabbling posts that sound like jibberish.
TRUE DAT
 
D

darthlime101

Guest
Re: a story-unfinished

Awww don't rag on Fable_Fan_005. His story is good. I guess he's just rushing to post something. Don't rush, man. Take your time and fix the grammer and punctuation. Your storys aren't our life support system: if we don't get a story, we die. Just relax and post it at your own pace.
 
F

Fable_Fan005

Guest
Re: a story-unfinished

Well its not that i am rushed or anything its just the fact i cant spell at all. But i try.
 

Sephiroxas

Local Succubus
Premium
Joined
Sep 18, 2006
Messages
3,908
Reaction score
505
Points
365
Age
36
Re: a story-unfinished

Fable_Fan005;33361 said:
Well its not that i am rushed or anything its just the fact i cant spell at all. But i try.

Well the fact that you TRY is what counts. don't sweat it. :D
 

Dark Drakan

Well-Known Member
Guildmaster
Town Guard
Premium
Joined
Feb 6, 2006
Messages
18,656
Reaction score
2,306
Points
365
Age
38
N

Necromancer

Guest
Re: a story-unfinished

And plus your makeing a story and who is to judge you when you don't see them makeing a story.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top