Is the Family Worth It?

[Firis]

Skipping over the drama: They are family, get over it and support them, if those skipped classes effect your total grades then take the damn class.

I will admit: I am a slacker, I do alot, but I am a slacker, I take my time, do things slow and with background noise, I prefer spending my time thinking, reading, listening to music or playing games over school, I skim over uninteresting or non-vital curriculum, but I keep my grades in the B range, if I drop below I focus, if I go above I slack, just keep your grades good.

As for your mom's reaction: Get over it. My dad is the "Be the best!" sort of man, he wants me to be rich even if material gain is something I do not hold important, he is also a drinker, a drinker in a long family line of drunks, and he drinks often, he is also an unstable and irrational man, but I do my best to please him, because I still love him. There are also many, many, MANY younglings that have it worse than me, and as I study existentialism and philosophy more, I bring in a world view, and this view makes me humble and as happy as I can be in my current state.

As for the worry, try to find a happy place, or a hobby you enjoy doing. Take some yoga or meditate, subjectivity IS man, find something to ease you.

My point: Keep your grades up, lay off the sauce, love your family even if they're gorram nutty.

 

[ssjcb1186]

I believe you're right (your first paragraph) and yes, we're thinking of the same person. I associated what I was reading with a negative connotation which was wrong. It's tough communicating through text.

Anyway, that's exactly what I wanted. Thank you. I talked about it with my brother and he came up with that reason as well, which I understood completely. However, your comment about it being abnormal to not feel that kind of connection with the others is what was also brought up. Just because it's "abnormal" doesn't necessarily make it "wrong" or "harmful" (which I know you're not stating here, I'm just making a dramatic point).

There's definitely a happy medium. I'm glad you brought that up.

And what I meant by "familial harm" (yes, it was a poor choice of words, I agree) was "emotional distressed caused by family turmoil."

You're so friggen insightful. See...I wasn't lying when I said I respected you!


Firis: Not on-topic. That is how the drama arose, because people focused on my examples and not the question itself. I got offended then, but now I can handle it and, more or less, ignore it.

 

[Sephiroxas]

So What if your family doesn't really give two ****s what you do? That' you're basically treated like cinderella..?

Life was happy, my mother died, my father had a year of depression followed by dating anyone he could find, including leaving me alone on weekends, flying to other states and just generally leaving me alone while he was left to his study, and I was left to school and the internet. Then he finally found someone he liked, and during the summer I was supposed to be switching from Jr. high to Highschool, I had to be uprooted from all my childhood friends and brought to another city, where I had to cope with my own depression, and trying to make new friends. Granted, it's not the worst family story in the world, but right after we moved, my life just got worse. My family basically likes to pretend I don't exisit. Like I'm some..leech that just..happens to be there. My Step sisters don't talk to me, I have no relationship with my step mother, and my father never got to know me. NEVER took interest in anything I did. NEVER gave me positive re-enforcement, never bought, never got, never offered to do anything for me. I got no class rings, I got no year books, I got no proms. I got no anything. So I ask you..if they don't care about me, my interest, my drawings, my AMVs, My Graphics..My general life.. why should I care about them? Why should I care my sister had a baby? Or My Step Mothers Father Died, or the fact that my step mother went through cancer, and survived where my mother got killed from it? I mean yes, some small compassionate place in my being is happy for them and their life endevours..but they're not my family..they're really not my anything. I can't rely on them for anything. but..I don't have any 'family' connection, so I can kind of understand where he's coming from.

And school..No..I don't get it either, nor do I have enough money for it. I guess I could do the student loan thing, but I can't barely pay for rent with the wages I get from working at subway, that I doubt I could even pay it. I have no car I have no nothing, and I've done highschool and so far, my "education" isn't helping me.

I agree with everyones points here, I mean Family is important, and I remember feeling the family bond, worrying about my brother and what happened with my parents. But since she died..That connection was lost and I can't make a new one. I don't even talk to my brother anymore, he visited a couple times, but has made absolutely no effort to acknoledge me, he likes to pretend I don't exist either...

Anyway, I kind of highjacked the thread.

but in the end, I can see where EVERYONES Coming from.

 

[HobbeBrain]

I blew a bubble of bubblegum with a mouth full of raisins once.

 

[Drew2686]

You can't choose your family, but you can always choose your friends.

 

[Necromancer]

I'll answer your question with a statement that I tend to use for answering many different questions I encounter: it depends on the situation. For your situation with your brother, I'd have to know more about it to really determine whether or not it's worth it.

For Sephi's situation, just based upon the things she has described, I would say she's right in her apathetic attitude toward her family. It wouldn't be worth it for her to get involved in any of their problems.

Now, finally, I'll use a situation of my own. Almost a year ago, my friend Michael started dating this girl named Emma. After a matter of months, she dumped him, and he went spiraling into another bout of depression. Now, I should mention that Michael has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (which I've mentioned in one or two other threads). I'm not really sure how or why his OCD does this, but it makes him get extremely attached to girls that he dates, and it happens extremely quickly. It also amplifies his depression by a lot when a girl breaks it off with him, and he's contemplated suicide twice before (once when Emma dumped him, and once before that when another girl dumped him). For a long time after they were broken up, Emma wouldn't stop talking to him over texting and facebook, and eventually, she showed signs of being interested in him again. Since Michael never got a chance to get over her due to her relentlessness in contacting him, he took the bait, and now, they're a quasi couple again. Everyone around Michael (myself included) has stressed so much that getting back together with her is a terrible idea because she is a selfish succubus that only cares about her own feelings, and it couldn't be more obvious that she will eventually trample all over his heart again. Even though Michael continually ignores advice from myself and many others on this situation, it is a situation worth getting emotionally invested into because his life could be on the line, and I wouldn't want to try to talk him out of suicide again.

So, again...it depends on the situation.

 

[cheezMcNASTY]

it's a slippery question and the answer's gonna sound cynical. there are many cases out there where the family is not worth it. child protective services exists for a reason, and jerry springer has to fill his wallet somehow. and like i said, it's cynical to say it, but it depends case by case and person to person. a friend of mine for instance has his mail constantly stolen and read by his step-brother, his mom steals hundreds of dollars from him regularly, his dad looks the other way (and occasionally steals too), and his extended family on both sides disowned his family because they don't approve of either of his parents'....ethnic background we'll call it.
they provide nothing but drama, do nothing but steal, and would give nothing back if he needed them. in that instance, the family is not worth it.

the family is worth it if it's only a matter of drama and they still care. you may not like them enough to call or write once you move out but you shouldn't burn a bridge that may come in handy when you're in need. you have a duty to give back, but it isn't worth it if your family won't hold it up on their end (if that makes any sense).

my mom used to work for public service as a family therapist and as a shrink for delinquents in the public school system... i'll ask her what she would look for. she's had to take kids away from abusive parents before and has a pretty keen eye for what makes a family unfit.

 

[Sephiroxas]

I'll answer your question with a statement that I tend to use for answering many different questions I encounter: it depends on the situation. For your situation with your brother, I'd have to know more about it to really determine whether or not it's worth it.

For Sephi's situation, just based upon the things she has described, I would say she's right in her apathetic attitude toward her family. It wouldn't be worth it for her to get involved in any of their problems.

Now, finally, I'll use a situation of my own. Almost a year ago, my friend Michael started dating this girl named Emma. After a matter of months, she dumped him, and he went spiraling into another bout of depression. Now, I should mention that Michael has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (which I've mentioned in one or two other threads). I'm not really sure how or why his OCD does this, but it makes him get extremely attached to girls that he dates, and it happens extremely quickly. It also amplifies his depression by a lot when a girl breaks it off with him, and he's contemplated suicide twice before (once when Emma dumped him, and once before that when another girl dumped him). For a long time after they were broken up, Emma wouldn't stop talking to him over texting and facebook, and eventually, she showed signs of being interested in him again. Since Michael never got a chance to get over her due to her relentlessness in contacting him, he took the bait, and now, they're a quasi couple again. Everyone around Michael (myself included) has stressed so much that getting back together with her is a terrible idea because she is a selfish succubus that only cares about her own feelings, and it couldn't be more obvious that she will eventually trample all over his heart again. Even though Michael continually ignores advice from myself and many others on this situation, it is a situation worth getting emotionally invested into because his life could be on the line, and I wouldn't want to try to talk him out of suicide again.

So, again...it depends on the situation.

HAHAHAA our friend Mike, is doing the same exact bullshit. The girls he keeps going back to have broken up 5 times. Maybe more, and the more times we tell him "it's not worth it" "She's not right for you" "You need to date some other people" "It's not healthy for you guys or your kids to keep breaking up and going back out" But he's convinced he can "fix" it as well as himself. He also basically skips the depression phase...Well he dips into it for a day or so, and then they start talking again, and getting into eachother. Maybe they're just not meant to be together, but he's convinced that she's the only girl for him, and basically ignores any advice that we give him. I honestly think they like the "falling in love" stage, but..that's not love..that's not a relationship, you can't base it off that bull...lol... So we've decided if he breaks up with her again, he's getting no sympathy. He's getting no nothing. So I know exactly where your coming from necro.

 

[Necromancer]

So we've decided if he breaks up with her again, he's getting no sympathy. He's getting no nothing.

I told that same thing to my friend Michael. I said he shouldn't expect me to come to his rescue when it eventually ends if he's just going to keep ignoring my advice, but I'm going to have to go back on that because of the severity of his condition.