Jokes

[FableFreak]

Re: Jokes

yeah....

I also didn't get the "pit to hiss in part of your last joke."

 

[Liberator]

Re: Jokes

Gotta be older, I guess....

 

[FableFreak]

Re: Jokes

I'm 16 1/2, I'm old enough. Maybe you're jokes are just lame?

 

[Albion Knight]

Re: Jokes

Its a pun like this one

They only appeal to some

You're familiar with Ghandi, of course, and his unique lifestyle.

Due to traveling barefoot on India's hard-packed dirt roads, he developed an impressive set of callouses on the soles of his feet.

Another oddity was his frail bodily frame, a byproduct of his sparse diet.

When he did eat, the foods he chose were so unusual that he suffered from continual bad breath.

Ghandi will go down in history, naturally, as a super-callous fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

My fav is

A man sent a letter to his Ailing friend which contained ten of the most hilarious puns he could find. His intent was to cheer him up

Unfortunately no pun in ten did.

 

[Adam]

Re: Jokes

Ok a man walks into a bar and bets a guy $100 that he can jump out a 40 story window and survive the man says "what have i got to lose" so the man jumps out and floats back up. figuring it was a fixed bet the man says "I bet my money back I can do it to" so he does and falls to his death. then the bartender says "Geez superman your a prick when your drunk."

 

[Albion Knight]

Re: Jokes

These three Guy walk into a bar and it really stupid because after the first to did you'd think the third guy would have seen it.

:lol: i know quite afew people who know binary.... i however do not so dont go calling me a nerd haha.

While im here my aswel post a joke thanks to Aaron for sending me this a while ago

The $100 TATTOO Larry gets home late one night and his wife says, "Where in the hell have you been?"
Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."
"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.
"What the hell! were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?"
"Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."

That reminds of this one

A guy wants to get his fiancé’s name "Wendy" tattooed on his privates for a wedding gift. At the parlor they tell him they have to put him under. When he wakes up all that’s there is a "Wy"
He asks where the rest of it and they say "at the right time it will be don't worry".

They go to Jamaica for their honeymoon and while in the john the guy notices that the Jamaican guy next to him has a "Wy" as well he asks Hey is your wife Wendy too? The Jamaican replies "Oh, no mon mine says Welcome to Jamaica and have a nice day"

 

[FableFreak]

Re: Jokes

These three Guy walk into a bar and it really stupid because after the first to did you'd think the third guy would have seen it.



That reminds of this one

A guy wants to get his fiancé’s name "Wendy" tattooed on his privates for a wedding gift. At the parlor they tell him they have to put him under. When he wakes up all that’s there is a "Wy"
He asks where the rest of it and they say "at the right time it will be don't worry".

They go to Jamaica for their honeymoon and while in the john the guy notices that the Jamaican guy next to him has a "Wy" as well he asks Hey is your wife Wendy too? The Jamaican replies "Oh, no mon mine says Welcome to Jamaica and have a nice day"

Hahaha, that one was pretty good too. Keep em' coming you guys!

 

[Albion Knight]

Re: Jokes

Three Irishman walk out of a bar...

...It could happen!

 

[Liberator]

Re: Jokes

Its a pun like this one

They only appeal to some

You're familiar with Ghandi, of course, and his unique lifestyle.

Due to traveling barefoot on India's hard-packed dirt roads, he developed an impressive set of callouses on the soles of his feet.

Another oddity was his frail bodily frame, a byproduct of his sparse diet.

When he did eat, the foods he chose were so unusual that he suffered from continual bad breath.

Ghandi will go down in history, naturally, as a super-callous fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

That's a good one...I'll have to remember it. :lol:

I'm 16 1/2, I'm old enough. Maybe you're jokes are just lame?

If my jokes are lame, then at least they amuse me. Lame and happy is okay with me.

 

[Bethrezen]

Re: Jokes

VERY GOOD JOKES!! (but i didn't understand them

)

 

[Steve]

Re: Jokes

A mother snake is about to leave her pit to hunt, when she tells her children, "Now while I'm gone, I expect you to behave. Absolutely no hissing in here while I'm away!"

The children agree, and Mother Snake leaves home.

When the mother returns, she finds her children hissing loudly inside their home.

"What did I say before I left?" said the mother.

"No hissing while you're away," the children respond.

"Right, next time I leave, I'm sending you over to the pit of our neighbor, Mrs. Pott. She'll make sure you keep quiet."

The next day, the mother snake sends the children to Mrs. Pott's home, while she goes out to hunt.

When the children arrive, they find that Mrs. Pott is not home. Nonetheless, they go inside, and without adult supervision start hissing loudly again.

Soon Mrs. Pott gets back to her pit and finds the children inside. Angry that they are being so loud, Mrs. Pott sends them home with a message for their mother.

When Mother Snake finally gets back home from her hunt, she finds her children hissing like crazy.

"I thought I told you to go to Mrs. Pott's home until I got back," Mother Snake exclaims.

"You did," said the children. "She got mad and told us to go home. And she says you have a lot of nerve to send us over to her home if we're going to be loud, because Mrs. Pott says she's known you before you had a pit to hiss in!"

:lol:

Three Irishman walk out of a bar...

...It could happen!

Haha! Nice one. ^_^

 

[FableFreak]

Re: Jokes

Its good to see so many people posting jokes. I thought this thread was going to die ...

 

[oldschoolrpger]

Re: Jokes

A young man that has been very recently divorced is in his attic cleaning out all the old crap so he can move. He comes across a box of discarded wedding presents from years earlier and starts looking through them when he notices a dusty old lamp. As he rubs the dust off a genie pops out.
“Okay John finally ready to make that last….” The genie looks confused and asked the man who he is.
“I was John’s son-in-law and he gave me this lamp as a wedding present.”
The genie scratches his beard and says “Okay, so his last wish is yours. Be mindful you only have one so make it a good one.”
The man thinks a bit “You know I need a vacation. I have always wanted to go to Hawaii but I hate to fly. I wish there was a bridge to Hawaii so I could drive there.”
The genie looks astonished “Listen magic has its limits. Thinks about the supports and how deep they would have to go, not to mention the Physics involved, it can’t be done. Make a new wish.”
Finally the man decides and says, “You know this has been a very hard divorce. I never want to go through this again. Genie I wish I knew everything about women so that this won’t happen again.”
The genie looks satisfied with the young man and then calmly asks, “You want that bridge 2 lanes or 4.”

 

[FableFreak]

Re: Jokes

Drink her pretty

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."

 

[Albion Knight]

Re: Jokes

A string walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says "We don't serve strings hear! You’ll have to leave."

Another string, seeing the first, decides to take a more aggressive approach. "Give me a beer!” The bartender says "We don't serve strings hear! GET OUT!"

A third string, seeing the first two fail, ties himself up and messes up his hair then says to bartender "Beer please". The bartender looks at him really closely and asks "Are you a string?" The string replied "Nope, I'm afraid not"

 

[FableFreak]

Re: Jokes

A string walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says "We don't serve strings hear! You’ll have to leave."

Another string, seeing the first, decides to take a more aggressive approach. "Give me a beer!” The bartender says "We don't serve strings hear! GET OUT!"

A third string, seeing the first two fail, ties himself up and messes up his hair then says to bartender "Beer please". The bartender looks at him really closely and asks "Are you a string?" The string replied "Nope, I'm afraid not"

Yeah, I didn't get that one either....

 

[Dark Drakan]

Re: Jokes

Drink her pretty

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."

:lol: i liked that one!

 

[Liberator]

Re: Jokes

Yeah, I didn't get that one either....

He's a frayed knot (afraid not)....that's the pun. That was another good one Albion Knight.

 

[Adam]

Re: Jokes

Theres a little girl watching tv one night when the tv blurts out tits and boobs the little girl goes to her mom and dad and ask what it means they said coats and hats dear. The next day dads inviting over his boss for diner the little girl walks past her dad while hes shaving, he cuts himself and says oh sh@# the girl says dad whats sh@# mean he says shaving cream just putting shaving cream on dear as she walk through the kitchen her mom cuts herself cutting the turkey and says fu$* the little girl say mom whats fu$* mean she says make im making the turkey dear, then the doorbell rings the little girl answers its her dads boss with her new vocabulary she says ill be happy to take your tits and boobs by the way dads in the bathroom putting sh@# on his face and moms in the kitchen fu$*ing the turkey.

 

[Albion Knight]

Re: Jokes

This is true it happened after coming home from getting TLC for PC today.

Ok I'm driving one day with my daughter (six) and she says "You know dad, you need to explain thing to me better because most of the time I don't really understand what your talking about." I say to her "Well you understand me some of the time don't you?" she replies "HUH?!?!?"