Re: Official thread of The Lords of Elonan : The Breaking
oddly enuff...i chose to rewrite chapter 1 completely. i havent even worked on the book since i last posted something about it. i rewrote some of it last night. i think its better than the first.
The sun brightly lit the sky as it rose out from beyond the horizon. The sky was alight with streaks scarlet and orange and the sea calm and so flat you’d think it were made of glass. Along the shore front lies a very steep, very tall cliff. Atop the cliff, sits an enormous manor, towering above the clouds. From one of windows of the manor, a young man named Rhadiel stares out into the sun rise. His hazel eyes are fixed upon the golden sight before him. His head is resting on his hands, and he yawns as he moves away from the window. “I don’t know why Lexan wants me up so early” he says to himself, sleepily. He walks over to his dresser, and picks out some clothes. He quickly changes, and then goes to make his bed. Rhadiel pulls the emerald green covers over nicely, and sets his bed up so it was like he was never in it. He stands back to admire his handiwork. There’s a knock on the doors.
“Who is it?” Rhadiel asks. “Lexan” a familiar voice answers. “Come in” he says. The large wooden doors to the room both creak open, as his older brother Lexan walks into his room. His long black cloak is gliding along the floor behind him. “I hope you slept well?” Lexan asks. Rhadiel sat on the end of his bed, “Yeah, I slept alright” Lexan walks over to the window; he has an almost happy look on his normally hardened face.
Rhadiel stood up, and walked over towards the window as well. Next to Lexan, he feels relatively short. Lexan is nearly a whole head taller than himself, and Rhadiel is fairly tall himself. “You want to know why I wanted you up early” Lexan said. That was more of a statement, not a question. “I wanted you up early, so I can help you a bit before you go to the Academy.” Rhadiel had an eager look in his eyes. “Help me with what?” he asked. Lexan look down at him, their eyes met, and he simply said “You’ll find out tomorrow. Come down to the large old oak tree near the edge of the woods at noon.” He strolled out of the room, and waved goodbye, and closed the doors behind quickly him. Rhadiel sat there…he felt kind of betrayed; his brother got him up early in hopes of doing something cool, only to tell him they would be doing something important
tomorrow. His brothers were always kind of odd.
He shrugs it off and opens the doors of his room to the hall. Rhadiel walks briskly down the hall. The royal blue rug going down the long stretch of hallway did not muffle the sounds of his feet echoing against the floor. He reached the end of the hall, and continued down the stairs to right. His hand glided along the railing as he descended, he met his eldest brother, Dycegard. His brother was wearing his usual blue robes, with his fencing sword at his side. “Hello there, little brother. I trust you slept well last night?” His brother asked. Rhadiel answered back with a simple nod.
[FONT="] “Come here, I have something for you.” Dycegard said. He walked into the main room, and a well sized box was sitting on the table. Rhadiel sat down on the sofa, and Dycegard sat in the arm chair. He lifted the box and handed it to Rhadiel, “Happy birthday little brother!” Rhadiel took the box, but was in shock. How in gods name could he forget it was his own birthday? He’s fifteen as of this morning. Rhadiel slowly opened the box to reveal a shining long sword resting in red velvet. At its side was the blades scabbard. He took up his newly claimed sword, it was fairly light, only 10 or 12 pounds. “Do you like it?” Dycegard asked. “Since your fifteen, Lexan wants to start training your swordsmanship.” Rhadiel held the sword in his hand. So
that’s what Lexan wants to help him with…[/FONT]
And by that I don't say this is rubbish, quite the opposite actually.