The Four Heroes!

[fable freak 37]

The Four Heroes!

ok this is my first fan-fic so i thought is wud be fun and this isn't going by the actual game so no point in correcting my mistakes cus it's a fan-fic.Please note that i made a mistake in the name of my thread and can't change it now.the mistake was that there is more than 4 heroes in my story.

Chapter 1:The First Hero is Born!
One day Guill a.k.a the first hero was wandering the roads of Brightwood with his side-kick dog which he liked to call Tobi.He brought Tobi with him everywhere he goes and Tobi always obeys him.Guill and Tobi wandered off into the forest after leaving his house which was in Brightwood.

His mother had told him not to wander off but like always Guill wanders off anyways because he likes to go out on adventures like his father did when he was a hero.Anyways after Guill and Tobi go into the forest they get a surprise ambush attack by a group of bandits.But Guill wasn't scared because he had his dog Tobi with him and he knew Tobi would never run off without him.

But sadly Tobi was too scared to run run away.Guill thought Tobi and him were goners but then just when it looked like there was no hope for them Guill's mother had killed all the bandits in a split second.Guill was frozen scared and then his mother said:"Are you ok Guill?".

Guill was too shocked to answer but he was proud of his mother.From that day forward Guill promised Rose his mother that he would train harder and never leave her sight again.Later in Guill's life he made the "Guild" which was a place for heroes to do lots of things ordinary people couldn't do and then Guill became known as the Guildmaster.

Please post your comments.
And tell me what you thought about it.

 

[fable freak 37]

Re: The Four Heroes!

Chapter 2:The Second Hero Lives!
One day William a.k.a the second hero who lived in Brightwood Tower was roaming the roads to Oakfield for some potions and food with his trusty companion who he called Charlie.Then out of no where many groups of bandits and highwaymen attacked him!But sadly for them William was the first and best "Hero of Will".He had lashed out a quick but powerful and devastating spell that killed all the bandits and highwaymen.

After that his dog Charlie found something on all of the bandits and highwaymen.It was the potion that William was searching for.He went back to his tower in Brightwood and when he came back it looked as if someone was there because there was a note on the table.William picked it up and he read it.It had saidear William, I know who you are and i invite you to my home which i but i call it the Guild.You have the blood of a hero, the mind of a genius, the powers of the first will-user and the heart of a mage.Please think about my offer though because i have the answers to all your questions.If you wish to come to the Guild all you have to do is teleport here.Don't worry you have the power to do it!Best of luck the Guildmaster.

William was amazed with what he just read!He knew what he had read was true and he was happy that he wasn't alone.So he tried to teleport to the Guild and when he thought about it he relised that all he needed to do was to imagine what the Guild would look like and use his powers at the same time.And he teleported there with the Guildmaster welcoming him to the Guild and saying well done i knew you could do it!William was pleased and at the same time was more happy then he has ever been before.
Later in William's life had shortened his name to Will a.k.a the first Hero of Will.

 

[Blade Mr.DK]

Re: The Four Heroes!

well, it sounded like a childs story.

 

[fable freak 37]

Re: The Four Heroes!

Chapter 3:The Third Hero Joins!
One day in Oakfield Hamon a.k.a the first "Hero of Strength"was looking into the reflection in the water of the river over the bridge of the Sandgoose with his dog who he called Rusty and wondered if there was other heroes out there.

Then he heard a voice saying:If you want to know if there are other heroes out there then i suggest that you listen to what i say.First go to the Temple of Light than donate 1,000 of your money to it between noon and 1 then you will recieve a glorious reward.After you obtain the reward bring it to me and show me it.To find the Temple of Light follow the golden trail to it and do the same when you are coming to me.

Hamon followed the golden trail to the Temple of Light and donated the money between noon and 1.He had recieved the legendary cleaver that was called the Rising Sun.He then brought it to the Guildmaster and showed it to him.The Guildmaster had said:Wonderful!Wonderful!I was right about you.I knew you were good/pure when i first heard you.As a token of my gradatude here is your reward.

Then the Guildmaster handed over the Rising Sun to Hamon as gradatude for donating to the Temple of Light.Hamon was confused because he thought that the Guildmaster wanted it.The Guildmaster said:It dosen't matter if i want it what matters is that you were so pure with heart that you would donate that much money to the Temple of Light to help people who don't have homes.From that day forward Hamon had changed his name to Cleaver because he would not only be remembered as the first "Hero of Strength"but the reward he got from his big donation.

 

[fable freak 37]

Re: The Four Heroes!

Chapter 4:The Fourth Hero Draws Closer!
One day Dragon a.k.a the first "Hero of Skill"was wandering the regions of many looking for some bandits,highwaymen,hobbes,shadows,hollowmen,etc to kill.He was bored when he was a child all he had to play with was his dog who he called Dash and his toy gun.He always shot bottles or bugs or something that would anmuse him.And that is why he always looks for things or enemies to shoot.

He adventually became tired and took a rest in his mansion but while he was sleeping a voice called out to him saying:If you want to have fun or learn more about yourself do as i say.Dragon had thought he was dreaming but he knew he wasn't he just didn't want to believe it.The voice had told him to go to both bowerstone and bloodstone's blacksmiths and take a job in forging at least ten weapons on each of them.Then bring the weapons to me.You will find me at the Guild waiting for you.Don't worry i'll make you a golden trail so you can follow it to get to your required destanations easier.

Dragon had thought he was joking but then he thouhght it would be fun so he took both of the jobs and had made five hundred weapons in each job in ten under and hour!He then brought the weapons to the Guildmaster.The Guildmaster said:Excellent job!See what you can do if you try.And i bet it was fun to.And it was for Dragon had now found another hobbie he liked.And from that day forward Dragon forged weapons all the time for the Guild.

 

[Tyloric]

Re: The Four Heroes!

o-o
I'm sorry, but I just can't consider a paragraph a chapter.

 

[anain12]

Re: The Four Heroes!

I haven't read it, I'm not gonna read it so I don't know why I'm posting here. Not that it's bad or anything. Maybe it is but I haven't read it so I don't know. Maybe I will read it later. Maybe I wont. But actually the chapters seem kinda short and squeezed together but maybe the story is good?

 

[Shirosaki]

Re: The Four Heroes!

its k, write more in each chapter and watch your spacing though.

 

[anain12]

Re: The Four Heroes!

Yeah a little spacing can't hurt. BTW I have pretty much exactly as many posts as you theron_leroux.

 

[Shirosaki]

Re: The Four Heroes!

cool xD

 

[GMRauru]

Re: The Four Heroes!

Pronouns are your best friend......

 

[fable freak 37]

Re: The Four Heroes!

thanx you guys for your corrctive comments and advice.
but should i keep going?
and should i make the chapters longer?
cus those four chapters were short because they were the intros of the four heroes.
btw i made a typo in the title of this thread:the four heroes is actually meant to be the heroes.so there's going to be more heroes in the rest of the story.just a heads up.

 

[Blade Mr.DK]

Re: The Four Heroes!

thanx you guys for your corrctive comments and advice.
but should i keep going?
and should i make the chapters longer?
cus those four chapters were short because they were the intros of the four heroes.
btw i made a typo in the title of this thread:the four heroes is actually meant to be the heroes.so there's going to be more heroes in the rest of the story.just a heads up.

Make the story sound more like it's being read by adults. It sounds like a book like "the hungry catapillar". And put paragraphs in the chapters, don't make the chapters paragraphs, and remember punctuation. and try and use complex word, like instead of "confused" use something like "befuddled", use thesaurus, it makes a much more compelling read...? .....
"chronicals of Blade" part 2 out tonight, only by me! ^_^

 

[fable freak 37]

Re: The Four Heroes!

dude i'm up with the chapter paragraph idea but this game is for children.
but this is my fan fic and i'm not going by the game.
all i'm doing is this story for fun!
i don't need ppl telling me how to write a story!
(calming down and taking relax pill).
ok.just let me do my story my way and you do your story your way.
and fyi those chapters were small because they were the intros of my heroes that i put into this story.and like i said there's more than four heroes in this story.

 

[Blade Mr.DK]

Re: The Four Heroes!

dude i'm up with the chapter paragraph idea but this game is for children.
but this is my fan fic and i'm not going by the game.
all i'm doing is this story for fun!
i don't need ppl telling me how to write a story!
(calming down and taking relax pill).
ok.just let me do my story my way and you do your story your way.
and fyi those chapters were small because they were the intros of my heroes that i put into this story.and like i said there's more than four heroes in this story.

dude, u asked us, okay and this game is not for children! WTF u talkin bout "for children" lol, joccer! (wow i need a relax pill too!!)
ok.if u dnt want advice, then dnt ask, but yes thay should be longer....like mine...... And more than 4 heros?! JUSTICE!! ur n a role m8, lol... nah nah keep goin, keep goin^_^... (children! PAH!!:lol

 

[fable freak 37]

Re: The Four Heroes!

ok i'll keep going with the story,make it longer(even though they were the intros and intros are meant to be short)and break it down into pragraphs every chapter.
but i'm not going to make the words more complex unless you want me to say:
super-calla-fraga-listic-ellie-alla-doshis-if-you-make-a-sound-it-might-as-well-be-a-trosious!
now is that grammical enough for ya?
lol.

 

[L]

Re: The Four Heroes!

Its okay, I like the idea. But the execution of the story itself wasnt as good.

 

[fable freak 37]

Re: The Four Heroes!

execution of the story?
can u translate that please?

 

[L]

Re: The Four Heroes!

I'm sorry, the way you told it I guess, or in this case the way it was writtin wasent the best. Still Rep worthy though.

 

[fable freak 37]

Re: The Four Heroes!

ok thanx and statement noted.
btw i still have a few more intros so here's a heads up:
The Guild
The Legends
The Myths
The Enemys
and The Secrets
so they are all of the rest of my intros that i'm going to write.
so don't say things like break it down into paragraphs or make it longer.
for intros they are pretty long if i do say so myself.
and thanx for saying it's rep worthy cus it's my first fan fic.