Child Discipline.

[Tsuyu]

Can I watch?

That's a pure formality, by the way.

You know I'll watch.

 

[AppleMan]

I wanted to add something, so I'm going to tell a story. I won't use my friends real name or his mums name though.

As some of you may know, I'm 14 and I have a 14 year old friend. My friend was born in the Phillipines and he has strong Japenese heritage. Now, old school Japenese/Phillipino parents often believe in "discipline" and until recently ( a couple of months back) he told me when he did something bad i.e getting low marks on tests his mother would beat him. I don't really like to use the word "beat" when it comes to child discipline, but I've seen the bruises and a couple of scars on his back. In private I asked him if he was ok and I swear, he almost broke down into tears.
He told me about when his dad wasn't around his mother would beat him once or twice' if he'd suffered a low mark on a exam or had been generally bad. Now last month I went round to his house and I saw his mum there and she had a bruise on her face too. I asked him "How did she get that bruise" and he confessed to me when she was beating him he retaliated and hit back.


The reason I told you that story is because I have a question. If a child is being beaten for doing something wrong, should he/she be allowed to hit back? I'm glad he told me about his mum because now they take counseling classes together, because I informed my friends dad about it.

So tell me, what are your views?

 

[Tsuyu]

Beating an animal is a criminal and moral offence in the civilized world.

Why shouldn't beating a defenceless kid?

And no, it isn't right for the child to hit back because it isn't right for the parent to start hitting the child in the first place. The whole situation is wrong.

 

[AppleMan]

And no, it isn't right for the child to hit back because it isn't right for the parent to start hitting the child in the first place. The whole situation is wrong.

Thank god I can have someone to agree with!

 

[TRA Rotid]

I think your type of "punishment" is lame; that's my impression. The whole "action, reaction" parenting only feels that it warrants the child to do more mean things to get a reaction, of any kind from the parent.

The issue here is punishment. "Action, reaction" can be used to praise the kid as well, encouraging him/her to do good.
Your concern only applies to those parents who otherwise don't give a damn about their child.

 

[Angel]

I think your type of "punishment" is lame; that's my impression. The whole "action, reaction" parenting only feels that it warrants the child to do more mean things to get a reaction, of any kind from the parent.

That only really applies when a child gets nothing from their parents - a sort of "any reaction is better than none at all" sort of mentality. A child who feels neglected, unloved, unappreciated, unnoticed etc will use acting up as a way of getting something from their parents that they cannot get through achieving at school or behaving well. There are parents who simply expect a certain level of behaviour by default and only seem to interact with their child when the child is naughty - with all things, there must be balance.

To you, my punishments are lame. But they work for my family so in that respect, they aren't lame at all but very effective methods of dealing with an unruly child, however infrequent that behaviour may be. Sure, if my kid is determined to be out of line regardless of prior warnings then that's what she's going to do. Not much I can do about it other than show her that the consequences will be happening, whatever they may be, and to get her to realise the principles behind doing as you're told. Threats are not enough - you need to show that when you say "you won't have this/that" you actually mean it. You deny them what they want/take them home/ground them etc. Too many times you hear parents saying "I'll count to three and then you're in for it". Then they count all the way to 2 and however many fractions before 3, cave and just yell a bit more. How does that help anyone? That has taught the child nothing other than "so she's gonna yell more. Who cares?" But tell them that if the behaviour continues then a certain consequence will occur and actually carry it out in a timely fashion, they do learn. Believe me, they do.

When you have children, you are not raising kids. You're raising adults. You are raising them to think for themselves, to learn how to be self disciplined and self controlled. At a certain point in their life you need to step back from the sort of punishments you would use when they were younger and start steering things more towards developing a relationship whereby you can discuss things with them and encourage them to think for themselves about situations as they arise. My examples listed above are bordering on ridiculous - I know that - but the ones I have had to use have worked and never been used since. Instead, it's something of a family joke to discuss "that time when..." and we use it as a learning tool for discussing future events that may crop up which require my kid to perhaps try a different approach than the one before. Children must absolutely get to grips with cause and effect, action and reaction and the issue of consequences. Otherwise you get those kids who are in their 40's and still expect mum and dad to get them out of trouble.

 

[Tsuyu]

You're lucky that your kids can't read what you write on the forums and as such get a sort of inside information and use it to their advantage.

Oh, wai-...

 

[Angel]

You're lucky that your kids can't read what you write on the forums and as such get a sort of inside information and use it to their advantage.

Oh, wai-...

Nah, I'm lucky she borders on illiterate half the time.

EDIT: case in point - I get a text from her saying she'll be home at 3.06pm. She sends it at 5.30pm. Apparently she meant quarter past 6...wut?

 

[Quistrix]

Nah, I'm lucky she borders on illiterate half the time.

EDIT: case in point - I get a text from her saying she'll be home at 3.06pm. She sends it at 5.30pm. Apparently she meant quarter past 6...wut?

Think it's time you took that one to the vet, Angel.

 

[SelfAppointedGunslinger]

Whenever I have to watch my brother and sister and they misbehave I switch the kids channel over to BBC Parliament and make them sit there watching it, bores the s*** out of them.

 

[Quistrix]

Wow Sharon, I think I love you. Will you have my children.

:'(