Fable IV: Return of the Crawler

[BWfreak]

This is the first fanfic I have written. It takes place after the events of Fable III, and gives some history on past antagonists. Most back story elements are from the game, but I did make some connections that are not canon. Here is the link to my story:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7437576/1/bFable_b_bIV_b_Return_of_the_Crawler

It isn't complete yet, but tell me what you think of what I have written so far.

 

[Relinquished Reality]

wouldn't it be "Fable IV"?

 

[BWfreak]

..........why yes it would!!!! lol

oops! XD

 

[BWfreak]

I have just started work on the next chapter of my story so it will be posted soon. Also, here is an updated link:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7437576/1/bFable_b_bIV_b_Return_of_the_Crawler

 

[Gikoku]

..........why yes it would!!!! lol

oops! XD

Fixed the thread title for you.

 

[BWfreak]

Thanks! lol I was trying to find out how to do that and came to the conclusion that I can't XD

 

[BWfreak]

The latest chapter of my story has been posted! Please tell me what you think
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7437576/1/bFable_b_bIV_b_Return_of_the_Crawler

 

[Tyloric]

One thing that immediately became apparent to me is that you use a lot of pronouns, especially in the introduction. You keep saying 'he' and 'him'. You need to watch that. There is a line between being mysterious and being irritating.

Another thing to keep an eye out for is tense. I noticed near the end of the (second? I think?) chapter you started to drift between past and present.

These are small complaints, but they really bugged me.

Excellent writing style, though. I look forward to reading more.

 

[BWfreak]

Finally! One of the first real pieces of feedback. Thank you

 

[Syrane]

In chapter one it says '

The Court had finally gained control of the old kingdom for a time after many failed attempts.'; I thought the Old Kingdom was established by William Black after defeating the Court?​

​

Other than that, it was pretty interesting, good job