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Hobbe Cave Journal

Trawgdor

Rawkin'
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Hobbe Cave Journal

K, this is my first so be wary!

Tuesday-
-I'm going to raid a Hobbe Cave today, as it is a special occasion, my birthday. I am going with my brother and sister.

Wednesday-
-Oh, god! Right as we were heading out, a group of Hobbes ambushed us. A hobbe cracked my brother in the head with a large rock. My sister was taken away and I ran for it. I feel like such a coward.

Friday-
- Today, i feel as if the devils are tormenting me. I haven't eaten for a whole week. I feel dizzy, and the only thing keeping me sane is this journal. Hopefully, when my rotten corpse is found, the founder will find my journal and bring an end to these wretched beings.

Saturday-
- I have just witnessed a child turning into a Hobbe. It is hard to belive these disgusting beasts have once been children isn't it? I think they heard me because their chieftain looked in my direction.

Sunday-
- I came across a rogue Hobbe. It was the same that killed my brother. I took one of the sticks I had in my little piece of heaven in this foul place, and sharpened it so I could have a defense. I killed that bugger, and not in the quick and painless way.

Monday-
- My sister... she... she... turned into a hobbe!!! I will kill those things for long as I live! By the way, I am now eating hobbes for food... tastes like chicken...

Tuesday-
- They found me and I hear them coming now! Oh god, they're over there! Theres more than twenty... by the gods, who ever finds this, I pray for you that these foul beasts don't inhabit these caves any longer.........
/
/
/

End!
I hope you enjoyed it, as it was my first!
 

Tyloric

Illogical Process of Elimination
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Re: Hobbe Cave Journal

Hmmm...

Well, I'll try to restrain myself a bit: Less than perfect. Grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors all over the place.

I like the concept of what you're trying to do, but it feels rushed. Very rushed. Written in 10 minutes rushed.

I'll hold back a few other comments at the risk of sounding like an ass.

It has potential, but it needs work.
 

Trawgdor

Rawkin'
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Re: Hobbe Cave Journal

Well that was er... on purpose. I don't think you would have perfect writing whilst in a cave full of hobbes. :p
 
D

Dagger-Daemon

Guest
Re: Hobbe Cave Journal

That was pretty entertaining, Just work on it a little bit and make it longer. Perhaps make one about a man who was biten about a Balverine.
 
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