I hope I'll learn too. And if my ex did something like that I don't really know if I would want to find out. How long was it before it felt like you "moved on"?
I don't know what to do.
- Thread starter Skotekal
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I hope I'll learn too. And if my ex did something like that I don't really know if I would want to find out. How long was it before it felt like you "moved on"?
Took quite some time as it was so sudden it took a while for me to process it. She was my closest friend as well as my girlfriend & we had talked about future marriage & children and all sorts even at that young age.
I had so many questions that I didn't get answers too and so many things that never got resolved. Soon as I accepted I was better off without that uncertainty in my life & it wasn't anything I did wrong as such that caused it I could carry on with life. A little part of you disappears at first and my trust for people was damaged. Had a few incidents that have effected my trust for people but can't tar everyone with the same brush & judge everyone the same.
Yeah, I keep telling myself that I don't need any of that in my life, but I guess it is just early after the breakup. It's only been a month or so, so I keep telling myself it's normal to feel like this. My biggest issues so far are that I can't stop thinking about what she's doing (I shouldn't really give a ****, but I keep wondering if she just left to sleep around, etc) and I don't know who I am anymore, really. I don't enjoy doing almost anything I used to. Walking is the only thing I've enjoyed so far, but games and things like that seem to wear thin quickly. Was it the same when you were going through all this?
Yeah pretty much, you are always going to wonder what they are doing because you werent ready for the relationship to end. Mentally you were still very much invested in the relationship and the loyalty that came with it whereas she had likely been thinking about ending it for some time so had time to process it already. I live in a small town and it was very likely I was going to bump into my then ex all the time. So I changed where I drank and didnt bother going to the same places I always did and made effort to meet new people.
We also had the same circle of friends so was hard to go out with them and not have her there too, so I found that I was spending less time with them too. In the end I essentially started again and lost contact with everyone back then and made new friends and went to new places that didnt remind me of those times. In 10 years I have seen her about 3 times out and about and we still live in the same town, I actually saw her a couple of weeks ago in a shop with her kids. Think it took her a few seconds to recognise me as I look quite different from back then and when she did she quickly looked at the floor and hurried away like she had seen a ghost. So even now she isnt willing to face me so I have no time for her, I had even attempted a smile in her direction but in the end simply walked past as if I was just politely acknowledging a stranger.
What is amusing is that of those times I have seen her I havent seen her with her husband once, she has always been on her own in pubs and shops. I have been with my wife every time she has seen me and had my own child with me the last time too. Dont know how much truth is in it either but was informed by someone that he had cheated on her too at some point and all was not good with them for a while.
Yeah, that's exactly it. I still had all these plans for the future and how things were going to work out and she just didn't, but she must have been mulling it over for awhile and that text message was probably just the final little thing and a good reason to get out. Oh well, I suppose.
And that's pretty brutal, I'm lucky that we didn't really share any friends so I'm pretty good to maintain my social group. And she sounds like a bit of coward, but I have really been in that position so who am I to say haha. But it sounds like she kind of messed up a little bit, as bad as that sounds.
And that's pretty brutal, I'm lucky that we didn't really share any friends so I'm pretty good to maintain my social group. And she sounds like a bit of coward, but I have really been in that position so who am I to say haha. But it sounds like she kind of messed up a little bit, as bad as that sounds.
Live and learn and taught me a lot over that time and made me stronger person from it. You will look back on this in future as another lesson learned and see it as a lucky escape im sure.
Already seeing it as lucky more and more every day. The more I'm with people and the more I think about it I start to realize it wasn't all me. She had other plans and I just need to accept that and try to be a bit better next time.
So long as you stay positive and don't blame yourself it will get better every day and you will find someone else at some point and she will be nothing but a past memory.
I guess that's the only thing to do. Feels so crazy. She used to tell me how lucky she felt to have me and somehow I turned into a piece of ****, or so I'm told. I wish I knew all the answers and the why of everything that happened but I guess I'll never know. Never thought I'd have to forget her, but I that's life I suppose. And after hearing your story, ****, I have it quite a bit easier. Just have to let go now.
Unfortunately thats the way it goes sometimes, people cant really explain why they feel a certain way and push blame onto someone else to justify their actions. Maybe she will realise at some point herself that it wasnt all your fault & maybe she wont but at least you can tell your side of things and you know what you did and didnt do. Concentrate on your life and being happy and things will fall into place on their own.
