Is the Family Worth It?

[ssjcb1186]

"It" being "stress"?

Examples, my brothers created much turmoil within the family, but I choose to ignore it in order to get over it. I don't care if people lie, steal, cheat their way through life. If they want to worsen their lives, so be it. I have no control over the matter of the choices you make in life, so why is it up to me to become crushed, hurt, worried over someone else's missteps?

I understand the "normal" aspect of worrying and trying to help family, but why should I go out of my way to help someone who's not going to take my help to begin with. And it's not like their transgressions are horrendous and shun-worthy. They are still my brothers and I love them all the same. As well as the rest of my family. But worrying about them not getting a GED, ruining relationships, being bad with money, etc. isn't worth the energy to fret over excessively.

I say this because I've been skipping my classes a lot lately and my mother becomes stressed out about it. If I want to drop out or just skip classes when I don't feel like going, why I can't I do it with a clear conscience? Why does she have to hound me and chastise me for my adult decisions in my life. It's not like I've done anything like my brothers have (I'm not saying I'm better than them). I understand the consequences of my decisions and believe they are not bad enough to make me want to go.


Anyway, so is it worth being so involved in family's drama/turmoil just to become stressed/anxious/worried/etc.? Or am I just more accepting than most?

 

[Tyloric]

I'm not sure how to explain myself without sounding like a prick so I apologize in advance if you happen to take this the wrong way.

1) They're family. Family's are supposed love and support each other. In your situation I bring emphasis to support. You mother loves you and wants you to succeed in life and make something of yourself and she probably feels that class if your best bet. If anything, you should feel guilty for not wanting to care.

2) Just because you're an 'adult' doesn't mean you know the world. She's still your mom and she's going to do the best she can to guide you because she might feel that you don't understand the consequences. You're only 20, bro. It's not like you have a heap of life experience.

3) As for your brothers, the same rules apply here as they do in 1 and 2, only from your perspective.

4) drugz r bad 4 u.

Just my $.02.

 

[Arseface]

She's probably just worried that you'll regret your decisions later, and odds are you probably will. As a veteran wagger, I can tell you this from experience. Not that you're going to be the same as me, but still.

And honestly, I don't think "not feeling like it" is a good enough excuse to not go to school, but it's not my decision. If you really want to end the problem, you should just go to school and make your mum happy. It's not like you're really going to suffer. In fact, it's only going to help you.

 

[ssjcb1186]

1. I'll bring emphasis on "supposed to." Just because they're family doesn't mean they're always right or that they know what's best. They "Believe" what's best, and they can go as far as suggesting or slightly disapproving my actions (the minimal ones I make) but getting so worked up over it isn't going to solve anything. There's just so much one can do, and that isn't very much, even if they are family. Don't get me wrong, I love my entire family very much but getting stressed and worried over their decisions isn't the way to go.

2. Just because I'm an "adult" doesn't mean I assume I'm perfect and all my decisions are perfect. Adult are stupid and make as many poor decisions as anyone (not necessarily true). I only made that point to show the un-necessity of the childish reactions (that being pouting and huffing excessively in disapproval). It's my life now and I can kind of do what I want. I'll learn from my mistakes like any other. I understand they want me to avoid that, but sometimes I want to see what will happen. I've had a very sheltered and uneventful life (though I like it nonetheless).

3. ...um...void

4. noezz wai!Zzzz


Here are my reasons for skipping class:
1. It's Drawing
2. The people annoy me
3. They play bad music
4. It takes forever to start and my temper/patience wears faster every time
5. It's Drawing
6. Or Spanish 1 (which I've already taken 3 years of in High School so I know everything).
7. I never have a day off and I'm tired of working and going to school every day.
8. It's Drawing or Spanish 1...

And it doesn't really matter if "not feeling like it" is a good enough reason. I have a clear and conscious mind and know what I'm doing and missing and etc.

And shouldn't my main priority making myself happy? As selfish as it is, I live for other and never do anything for myself (which causes me to spend a lot of money on myself since I never ask for anything and feel lonely and etc.). And I'll suffer enough that I'd rather have stayed home and had a more fruitful experience in life by not going at all. As rude as it is to say: I don't think you have the authority to make such clauses without knowing the entirety of the situation. Though you probably still side with yourself...which is fine. It's not really an issue, anyway.


Other than the fact neither of you answered the question I posed...I'd say we should try again

Is it worth getting worked up over, stressed, and otherwise worry about our family and their decisions? Should we even do this for friends?

 

[Tyloric]

1. I'll bring emphasis on "supposed to." Just because they're family doesn't mean they're always right or that they know what's best. They "Believe" what's best, and they can go as far as suggesting or slightly disapproving my actions (the minimal ones I make) but getting so worked up over it isn't going to solve anything. There's just so much one can do, and that isn't very much, even if they are family. Don't get me wrong, I love my entire family very much but getting stressed and worried over their decisions isn't the way to go.

2. Just because I'm an "adult" doesn't mean I assume I'm perfect and all my decisions are perfect. Adult are stupid and make as many poor decisions as anyone (not necessarily true). I only made that point to show the un-necessity of the childish reactions (that being pouting and huffing excessively in disapproval). It's my life now and I can kind of do what I want. I'll learn from my mistakes like any other. I understand they want me to avoid that, but sometimes I want to see what will happen. I've had a very sheltered and uneventful life (though I like it nonetheless).

3. ...um...void

4. noezz wai!Zzzz


Here are my reasons for skipping class:
1. It's Drawing
2. The people annoy me
3. They play bad music
4. It takes forever to start and my temper/patience wears faster every time
5. It's Drawing
6. Or Spanish 1 (which I've already taken 3 years of in High School so I know everything).
7. I never have a day off and I'm tired of working and going to school every day.
8. It's Drawing or Spanish 1...

And it doesn't really matter if "not feeling like it" is a good enough reason. I have a clear and conscious mind and know what I'm doing and missing and etc.

And shouldn't my main priority making myself happy? As selfish as it is, I live for other and never do anything for myself (which causes me to spend a lot of money on myself since I never ask for anything and feel lonely and etc.). And I'll suffer enough that I'd rather have stayed home and had a more fruitful experience in life by not going at all. As rude as it is to say: I don't think you have the authority to make such clauses without knowing the entirety of the situation. Though you probably still side with yourself...which is fine. It's not really an issue, anyway.


Other than the fact neither of you answered the question I posed...I'd say we should try again

Is it worth getting worked up over, stressed, and otherwise worry about our family and their decisions? Should we even do this for friends?

Well you're obviously going to take the "I'm right you're wrong no matter what you say" approach, so I won't even bother.

Just, next time, don't bother making a thread just so you can try and justify your own actions and then get ****y when someone offers their opinion. It's your fault you didn't offer enough information for me to 'understand' the situation.

tl;dr: Grow up and stop being so selfish.

 

[Angel]

The question you are asking (and the reasons you are giving) smacks of emotional immaturity. That's not a personal attack on you, it's just an observation. That you even have to ask it shows you perhaps lack the ability, as yet, to fully appreciate and understand the complex relationships involved in families.

Tyloric and Arseface answered based on the information you gave - naturally they aren't going to know every intricacy of the situations involved but they offered their opinions based on what was given.

 

[ssjcb1186]

Tyloric: No, I'm not. I was clarifying things I obviously forgot to mention that were important to the conversation you started. It obviously didn't come off the way I wanted to. I was trying to be as playful and pleasant as you were while stating my case in a similar fashion you presented. I'm open to interpretations and opinions to the questions answered, not personal attacks on my morals and ethics. (I'm not saying you did that (because I know you didn't), I'm just taking an extreme).

Angel: No, what I'm upset about is the fact two (three) people came here to judge me and avoid answering my question. So don't blame me for getting "****y" when people decide to bring me down instead of answering a simple/nonjudgmental question.


So, I apologize for my being offended by your words because they are just that, words. (not being sarcastic) I'd rather we just stay on topic.

 

[Angel]

Uhhh...wut?

Anywho, fine - I'll say yes in answer to your question, if that helps.

 

[Tyloric]

Uhhh...wut?

Anywho, fine - I'll say yes in answer to your question, if that helps.

I don't even want to touch his problems with a twenty foot pole. >_>

 

[Angel]

Ah my tired brain - now I'm thinking of all sorts of innuendo concerning poles...

 

[Tsuyu]

So don't blame me for getting "****y" when people decide to bring me down instead of answering a simple/nonjudgmental question.

You asked for advice, people gave it to you. Just because the answers weren't to your liking doesn't mean you can get all douche-y about it.

You might believe it is a cliché told by all parents, but education "is" important. Take it from me; I skipped/slacked my way through school and now I'm stuck in life, still living in my parents' basement (oh the chlichéd stereotype! It burns!), having to go through it all again at community collage to get my grades up. Personally, I'd rather have done well in school, gotten a well-paying job and having my own life rather than still leech of my parents.

How about you?

 

[ssjcb1186]

Angel: I'm honestly interested in the reason why "protecting" myself from familial "harm" is "emotionally immature." I'm trying to be genuinely curious and civil, I apologize if it seems otherwise.

So, I was thinking it over (clearly not the best thing to do) and came up with this reason: it's family and you should care and try to help. Is this wrong? I'm just trying to get in your brain. I honestly want to know where you're coming from. And I'd like to have a conversation about it so you know where I'm coming from and I know where you're coming from without negative judgment for each other. I think you're a cool kid and I respect you (regardless of my past transgressions).

I'd also like to know why you think it's worth getting stressed/worried/anxious about your family.


Tyloric: I'd rather you didn't. I guess it's a good thing I never asked that of you.


Tsuyu: No, they didn't. I asked a question which they went beyond answering. Clearly you musn't have read it over.

I understand that education is important, but skipping class 3 times in the semester isn't horrendous or going to affect my grade significantly. You're assuming (though subconsciously) that I'm not doing well regardless of my decision to skip. The only reason I choose to skip is because I know I can afford it. I don't plan to do poorly in school and plan to transfer when I get my Associates. And you did exactly what I was getting ****y about. You went the path of talking about my life like you know what's going on when you don't. I didn't ask for advice for my problems. I was asking a Philosophical question that anyone could answer that everyone seemed to ignore.


But that's fine. Clearly my rant couldn't go unmentioned/uncriticized and my question can't be effectively answered.

I mean, I guess it's my own fault for putting my feelings/rants online before asking a question while not understanding that it's not going to be the center of attention. I didn't want the focus to be on my decisions or my life or my opinions, this was here to get other's opinions and reasons for them. I actually thought this group of people would be capable of that, but I guess that's what I get for expecting the best of people.

It's also interesting how I've had issues with each participant in this thread in the past and they're getting upset that I'm upset. But, I'm over it now and don't expect anything. I don't expect it to get any better and I don't expect it to become productive or relevant to the topic at hand.

 

[Tyloric]

The question is invalid as you don't meet the specified parameters.

"Am I just more accepting than most?"

You're not accepting, you're tolerating. There is a difference.

 

[Arseface]

Angel: I'm honestly interested in the reason why "protecting" myself from familial "harm" is "emotionally immature." I'm trying to be genuinely curious and civil, I apologize if it seems otherwise.

Because you're wagging school, and then blaming your mum when she gets upset with you for it. Take responsibility for your actions and suffer some boredom/irritation for the sake of your mum. Make sure at least one of her children turns out right.

 

[ssjcb1186]

I really don't know where all this hate is coming from. I tried to be civil and direct but I guess fighting for clarity isn't getting me anywhere. And I know I was abrasive before, but I was only giving what people were giving me.

I'm just at a loss. I thought this group was mature and understanding and could look at something without judging it, especially when it's not the topic at hand. Also, putting words in my mouth and actions and reasons in my life is actually offensive. But, there's nothing I can do about that and I know arguing my case is simply not worth it.

I'm sounding a lot like a previous member of the forum...I guess he had the right idea...I tried to give the benefit of the doubt...but, whatever.


Edit: I just realized how harsh my wording was and how inaccurate it was to the situation at hand. Regardless, the answer was left unanswered.

And I don't believe there to be a significant enough difference between "accept" and "tolerate" to make the parameters for my question unanswerable.

 

[Tsuyu]

The "hate" is probably because you were seemingly asking for help, and once given you proverbially spit bile in our faces as thanks.

As for "affording" to skip a few classes, how was I supposed to know that you could "afford" to skip a few classes? You were being either intentionally or unintentionally vague, so of course people are going to read "between the lines".

 

[Arseface]

I really don't know where all this hate is coming from. I tried to be civil and direct but I guess fighting for clarity isn't getting me anywhere. And I know I was abrasive before, but I was only giving what people were giving me.

I'm just at a loss. I thought this group was mature and understanding and could look at something without judging it, especially when it's not the topic at hand. Also, putting words in my mouth and actions and reasons in my life is actually offensive. But, there's nothing I can do about that and I know arguing my case is simply not worth it.

I'm sounding a lot like a previous member of the forum...I guess he had the right idea...I tried to give the benefit of the doubt...but, whatever.


Edit: I just realized how harsh my wording was and how inaccurate it was to the situation at hand. Regardless, the answer was left unanswered.

And I don't believe there to be a significant enough difference between "accept" and "tolerate" to make the parameters for my question unanswerable.

I certainly didn't mean to sound snarky, man. I'm just trying to help you see things through your mum's eyes. She only wants you to do well.

 

[D3m190d]

The "hate" is probably because you were seemingly asking for help, and once given you proverbially spit bile in our faces as thanks.

I think that's the problem. He wasn't asking for help, he was asking a question.

He added some information about his situation so you can understad what the question really means. But what I see happening is that you go on and talk about the information that was given and judge his actions, and what is right to do, rather then specifically aswer just the question.

This is only my observation, and I may be misinterpreting it.

 

[ssjcb1186]

The "hate" is probably because you were seemingly asking for help, and once given you proverbially spit bile in our faces as thanks.

As for "affording" to skip a few classes, how was I supposed to know that you could "afford" to skip a few classes? You were being either intentionally or unintentionally vague, so of course people are going to read "between the lines".

You're not supposed to know and you weren't supposed to read in between the lines and I wasn't asking for advice. I don't know what you're still going on about with this, though. I was being intentionally vague because I clearly didn't come here to talk about my problems. I know better than that.

I think that's the problem. He wasn't asking for help, he was asking a question.

He added some information about his situation so you can understad what the question really means. But what I see happening is that you go on and talk about the information that was given and judge his actions, and what is right to do, rather then specifically aswer just the question.

This is only my observation, and I may be misinterpreting it.

Yes, you are exactly right Demi. I'm glad one person understood the situation. Makes me feel a lot better, actually. Thank you Demi.

I certainly didn't mean to sound snarky, man. I'm just trying to help you see things through your mum's eyes. She only wants you to do well.

Well, I certainly appreciate that. It just didn't seem like it at the time. I understand all the repercussions of my actions and suffer them. I think I just didn't change the "tone" I was reading as I went from Ty to you to Angel to Tsuyu to you again. I'm not saying you were all excessively negative or mean or rude or anything else. What bothers me most is my question went unanswered and I felt "attacked" though now see that it wasn't from everyone. It was really only Tyloric and Tsuyu.

 

[Angel]

I specified this was not a personal attack - had anyone else asked the same or a similar question, I would deem it as such so it's not a "hate" thing or whatever you want to call it. No one is attacking you either, it could just be your frame of mind at the time of reading. That "previous member" you mention, if we're thinking the same person, also had a similar habit when it came to perceiving posts and it did him no good whatsoever and will continue to not help him both on and offline, but that's another issue.

Here's why I said yes to the question you posed: a family (provided it is not so utterly dysfunctional that it is hurting people such as abusive situations etc) is designed to provide the love, support, care and concern for all included within the familial group. This in turn leads to vulnerability and therefore the old cliche of "you only hurt the ones you love" comes out. Without knowing anything about your personal circumstances I can only generalise, you understand, so whether anything applies to you I don't know. A family is your immediate support network, your safe haven...blah blah blah. The love between family members is different to romantic love, friendship love and the love of chocolate - there is an almost inexplicable bond between siblings, parents, kids etc which serves to impress the love and care they have for each other as well as the pain and hurt they feel when one member suffers in some way. One would assume, therefore, that a certain level of worry and stress over family situations and circumstances would be normal to feel/experience. To not feel or concern oneself with this sort of thing would be considered somewhat abnormal, if we take into account all of the above.

However, as regards your first post, I do not think it is worth digging yourself an early grave with worry - it serves no constructive purpose. I think an appropriate level of concern would be justified in whichever situation is presented but overreacting can be more harmful than beneficial. That being said, not everyone is capable of appropriating concern - especially when there are strong emotional ties involved as in the case of parent to child. Easier to fly off the handle than take a step back, as in many areas of life.

The thing I'm unclear on is the phrase you offered :"protecting myself from familial harm" - I don't quite know what you mean? One cannot answer the question on a purely disconnected basis when a sentence like that is thrown in. To me, familial harm indicates something quite serious but perhaps it was just a poor choice of words to express your point?

tl;dr - the bond between family members should provide more than enough reason to feel concerned and worried for each other, within the context of an average family. If there is no concern there then one must ask themselves if love is present. If it's not, one must then ask what has gone so wrong that a total absence of feeling is present. There's a difference between being laid back about stuff and genuinely not giving a crap either way.

tl;dr once more - prolly doesn't even answer your question but then philosophy was in the next class - I did Classics instead.