"Love" Rant/Problem

[Shirosaki]

"Love" Rant/Problem

I'm a wee bit ashamed to admit this, but I've been single now since the 2nd of march, and the part I'm ashamed of admitting is that I'm still not over the girl. I tried being angry at her, I tried shutting her out by changing phone numbers and deleting her e-mail address and we both ended up blocking each other.

She forgot about me a long time ago and is probably dating other guys right now, and after all it is summer so we wont be seeing each other for another 3 months at least, and we left on very bad terms anyway.

I don't want to know how to get back with her cause that's pathetic and out of the question, I want to know if anyone has any tips of how to get over her. I firmly believe she was my first love and she's still in my thoughts a large amount of the time, albeit the love covered by a layer of bitterness because of how things are, but I know I still haven't gotten over her deep down - well not very deep at all.

I know this is probably something that most people go through but I don't seem to be making any progress since it has been like 3 or 4 months now. I went out with a girl last night and it didn't feel right. I felt like I was cheating.

In summary, I just want to get over this girl and feel like I'm my own person again, because I'd love to be back with her but it's an impossibility so I feel like I'm devoting myself unwillingly to a lost cause.

 

[Zjuggernaut]

Re: "Love" Rant/Problem

She forgot about me a long time ago and is probably dating other guys right now

You don't know that. She may be feeling just as bad as you.

I want to know if anyone has any tips of how to get over her.

Do something to take your mind off her.
- Sports
- Parties (don't go hard on the drink)

Or just move on. Maybe talk to new people, girls I mean, start something fresh. You may end up liking her a lot.

It'll take a while to move on so don't rush it, take it slow and take all the time you need. Don't force yourself to do things.

 

[Shirosaki]

Re: "Love" Rant/Problem

You don't know that. She may be feeling just as bad as you.



Do something to take your mind off her.
- Sports
- Parties (don't go hard on the drink)

Or just move on. Maybe talk to new people, girls I mean, start something fresh. You may end up liking her a lot.

It'll take a while to move on so don't rush it, take it slow and take all the time you need. Don't force yourself to do things.

The day after we split up her friends took her down the local canal and threw her a party, and she didn't see anything wrong with it Gotta smile, or else I'd let it get to me and be super depressed haha.

I went to a party on my birthday and I've taken up Snooker which I'm real interested in but these things are only 2-3 times a week for a few hours and are more like a distraction/treat than a solution, and like I say I tried to start something fresh with a girl and when I took her out I felt wrong as if I was cheating on my ex.

 

[Zjuggernaut]

Re: "Love" Rant/Problem

I tried to start something fresh with a girl and when I took her out I felt wrong as if I was cheating on my ex.

That's got to with taking time. If you're not ready for it and it feels weird, don't rush it. As I said you're not going to get over her straight away.

Apart from that, there's not much advice I can give without saying "Do drugs".

 

[Shirosaki]

Re: "Love" Rant/Problem

That's got to with taking time. If you're not ready for it and it feels weird, don't rush it. As I said you're not going to get over her straight away.

Apart from that, there's not much advice I can give without saying "Do drugs".

Yeah there was a weird phase where I was going to seek medical help and she convinced me I had severe depression, but she was trying to convince me that taking prozac or something would be unhealthy and make her less likely to get back with me. Looking back on things, she was a pretty crappy girlfriend but you can't help who you fall in love with can ya, and they say the first time is the hardest right?

 

[Zjuggernaut]

Re: "Love" Rant/Problem

you can't help who you fall in love with can ya, and they say the first time is the hardest right?

I can agree with that. I haven't had a girlfriend for a year. Took me a couple of months to finally pull myself together. Now that I look back, she was a b*tch.

I'd also recommend watching some Frankie Boyle. That'll cheer you up.

 

[Ella]

Re: "Love" Rant/Problem

I went out with a girl last night and it didn't feel right. I felt like I was cheating.

March was only 3 months ago, as much as that seems like a long time, you're not gonna heal that fast when you still have strong feelings for your ex. And you never know, she may feel the exact same way you do deep down (thus the word impossible shouldn't exist in your dictionary - nothing is impossible). But as far as getting over her is concerned, keeping yourself occupied is the best remedy. Just do whatever to keep her from crossing your mind, otherwise you'll find yourself sinking into a deep abyss of depression and you'll dwell on everything negative. Always think positive. Eventually you'll be "emotionally healed" enough to move on - and when you DO move on, you might just find the one. The last resort.. you could always write down a list of things that are flawed in her, her negatives, and consistently dwell on them until you come to the conclusion she's not worth having feelings over and any other girl would be much better. Though, that's a very last resort and I do not recommend that unless you have utter desperation. Aaaaaaand if she told you that taking a pill would depend on your future relationship with her, then you probably deserve better than that. Jusss' sayin'.

 

[droded]

Re: "Love" Rant/Problem

I'm going to be the one to point out that you will feel that way about her until stronger similar feelings rise within you about another girl.

Just relax and live life for the mean time, miss her all you want just know that you'll get over her eventually.

 

[Shirosaki]

Re: "Love" Rant/Problem

Wait... then what am I supposed to make fun of here? Crap, I might have to give a sympathetic reply to this one.

It's okay to be angry, but it's not something you should actively do to try and get over someone. In being angry with her, you're still holding on to something and the idea is to let it go. When her name can cross your mind without you getting sad or angry or in any way upset, then you're golden. What you're hoping to achieve is "I spent time with this person, I used to care about her, but now we're separated and I'm okay with that, so I can move on." But you already know this much.

Time. If you can't get back out there right away, time can help heal wounds if you let it. If you're not ready and you know it, best not line up any dates just yet. Time and... training wheels. Starting over after a serious relationship is like learning how to ride a bike all over again. A small part of you will probably try to pick up with the new one where you left off with the old one, and I speak from experience in saying that this is a very bad mistake that just about all guys do at least once. I did it like nine times because I was incredibly stupid. Aside from the facts that it isn't healthy and that it doesn't help you get over your ex, it also chases women off. Start from the very beginning and explain your situation to your date but carefully, you don't want her to think that you'll leave her for your ex-girlfriend if she were to waltz back into your life. In this way, your date then becomes a bike with training wheels, she's not the BMX you used to have but she'll help you get to the point that you can see other women without getting that unwarranted shame feeling......

...you might want to phrase it differently though, I suggest using words that doesn't make it seem like you're just using your date. She won't appreciate that.

I think the main problem is that I'm introvert and therefore not too sociable, I like to have a small circle of friends and I only let in few people. She was probably the most important thing in my life in the time we were together and when it ended I feel, in reflection that it was like rigormortis My feelings seized around this notion that she was the centre of the world because she was - of my world.

Now whenever I think about her I just have a blob of negativity, but the sort that is addictive and although you hate it you want it sort of thing? Bah I'm probably not explaining properly but I hope you know what I mean. To an extent its like (nerd reference) that Prof. Slughorn from Harry Potter editing his memory.

In the end I already sort of knew the answer, time heals all wounds of course. The reason I posted is because I'd been okay for the past month or so, and these past few days have been really hard for me. I think it was probably because I was preoccupied with exams and stuff like that, as well as seeing her on a day-to-day basis might've been like a nicotine hit or something.

Now that I'm objectifying my ex as an addictive drug, I think it's best to post and wait for a reply instead of diving into, as Ella put it so very rightly, an abyss of depression.

 

[Sean]

Re: "Love" Rant/Problem

I think ZJug, Ella and droded pretty much have good answers for ya. If all else fails, go for the we-- never mind.

 

[Evan]

Re: "Love" Rant/Problem

Play video games. Helps me...

PS: Congrats JD on your 4000th post.

 

[LobotomizedLOVE]

Re: "Love" Rant/Problem

After my last boyfriend dumped me (online, actually. What a pansy; couldn't even say it to my face) I was upset for 6 months and did everything to try to get him back. It wasn't until he started dating another girl that I felt free. It's weird to explain but it felt like I didn't need to try anymore and reality hit me and after that day, I had no more feelings for him.

 

[Havik]

Re: "Love" Rant/Problem

Well really you will get over this. Its not if or how you will... but you will. Best answers for you? Time... being busy... Umm Time.. Time and Time some more. Im sure everyone remembers when they lost there first true love. What really helped me was working. It kept me busy.
Sure you will think about her ALL the time. And you think you really lost something great and how if you could go back.. ETC...But give it a while longer and you will know that wow,You wasted some time you could of been doing something else. .Or being with someone else. Trust me.. You will get over it.
All you need it time man.
And it looks like you got plenty of it.
Havik

 

[Necromancer]

Re: "Love" Rant/Problem

It's very relieving to hear that you're not trying to get back together with her. Doing that just makes the pain last so much longer.

I went out with a girl last night and it didn't feel right. I felt like I was cheating.

Keep doing that, and remind yourself, "Hey, I'm allowed to do this!" I'm not sure about you, but that'd make me feel happier.

they say the first time is the hardest right?

Indeed

I'm going to be the one to point out that you will feel that way about her until stronger similar feelings rise within you about another girl.

Even though I'm suggesting he goes out with other girls in this situation, that's not always the case.

the sort that is addictive and although you hate it you want it sort of thing?

That happens to me on a fairly regular basis with many different kinds of situations. I'm very familiar with that feeling and it seems that everyone I've tried explaining it to doesn't understand it.

I think most everybody has hit the nail on the head though. It really is all about time. Keeping yourself occupied and doing other things that make you happy can be nice additions though.

 

[Purple Nurple]

Re: "Love" Rant/Problem

If all else fails, go for the we-- never mind.

If you were giong to say weed, don't. You'll work yourself into a huge depression. Only smoke weed in happy times

Way I got over my first was with a bit of bro-mance and GCSE's. Just trust in other people that make you happy, ala friends or family. That's where bro-mance comes in. GCSE's just took my mind off everything.