Hypothetical Situation, I swear (douchebag post)

[Walker]

So, I want opinions on a totally hypothetical situation, I swear. Let's say that there is an attached (not single) young man, called Asshole, and an unattached (single) young lady, named Miss Doctoral Candidate Hotness, or MDCH for short. MDCH and Asshole worked more-or-less closely together on volunteer projects in college, and Asshole had a massive, unrequited, and unvoiced crush on MDCH.

MDCH graduated and went on with her life in another city, while Asshole remained in his current locality, found a nice girlfriend, and was doing boring ****. Six months ago, Asshole wrote MDCH a little graduation note wherein he apologized for what he perceived as past dickishness towards her, told her how much he liked and respected her and that he wished he could have been more of a friend to her, and very definitely avoided mentioning his massive and unrequited crush.

For the next six months their only contact was one exchange of emails where Asshole asked if MDCH would be willing to have her name used as a personal reference, and she said "Yes, good luck, I got your note, need to reply, thanks" and one text exchange initiated by Asshole wherein he asked if he'd be seeing her back at the (annual) major volunteer even they had worked on in college that was brief and awkward and ended with her not replying to one or two follow-up texts after saying she wouldn't be there.

MDCH then subsequently sent Asshole a Christmas card in which she basically said "thanks, I understand, apology accepted. Sorry I won't be there at the major volunteer event, dunno when we're gonna see each other again since I'm gonna be in [other far away city] for the next decade, love MDCH."

And, unfortunately, this reactivated Asshole's massive and unrequited crush and he's now obsessing about her again.

Opinions?

 

[cheezMcNASTY]

Opinions? She won't be there. Bury it until digging it up again will do you some good.

Also, be very careful in how you refer to yourself as a "friend" to girls you like. Keeps things less complicated that way.

Better if there are no misconceptions and what happens, happens.

 

[Tyloric]

My opinion is that it sounds like the pilot to a new drama that would more than likely premiere on ABC.

But that's just me.

 

[Tsuyu]

That's it. After having read this, I am swearing off women forever. Ty, lets go make out or something?

 

[Dark Drakan]

MDCH is simply not interested in even a friendship by the sound of it so personally to cut a long story short id forget her and carry on with my life. Would be simply chasing a shadow that no matter how hard you obsessed would never be caught & would only cause upset, heartache & a huge waste of time & losing something you already have.

 

[Necromancer]

Before I give my opinion (and I do have one already prepared), I'd just like to ask Walker something. If this situation is completely hypothetical, what brought on the urge to ask about it?

 

[ScareCrowReturn]

That's it. After having read this, I am swearing off women forever. Ty, lets go make out or something?

Can I watch?

 

[Angel]

Opinions? You mean internet facts, right?

Ok, so she's not coming across as interested and the whole "I'm unavailable for 10 years" thing is either true or a massive exaggeration that is just...yeah, a bit crazy, but drives home the point that she's not interested. You, young man, need to move on because you have a girlfriend who, if memory serves, adores you and I am guessing there is some reciprocation there or you would be a real grade-A knobhead.

To move on will require you getting over this other female and I honestly don't know how you would do that other than letting time take its course. If you were a girl, I'd suggest devouring your bodyweight in ice cream, watching chick flicks and having the girls over for a girly night in where you sigh over unobtainable men and then return to your other halves, more content with what you have than what you don't. As you are not a girl (as far as we all know) I am unfamiliar with the manly terms and conditions conerning unrequited obsessiveness.

This girl is clearly unobtainable, has made it clear she does not wish to be obtained by you and you will do yourself and those close to you quite a bit of emotional damage if you pursue this even in the realms of fantasy. Because when you start thinking about someone else, it cannot help but spill over into reality and affect current relationships. If you ever did start obsessing to this point then you'd have to come clean to your girlfriend and see what happens - it's not that you're being unfaithful or anything, but no one should have to sit second-best to a fantasy and just wait until you're ready to move on.

Now I hope you're happy with diverting my attention like this because not only have I just missed the ending to Real Housewives of Orange County, but Jake has stolen my coffee and is currently spinning around in circles yelling, "SICK!" at the top of his voice.

 

[Arseface]

You should stop obsessing over her.



I mean...



Yeah, you should stop obsessing over her.

 

[HobbeBrain]

You should stop obsessing over her.



I mean...



Yeah, you should stop obsessing over her.

You mean Asshole should stop obsessing over MDCH

However, I agree, she seems fairly uninterested. Asshole should let it go.

 

[Walker]

Shockingly, I agree with the assessment of 90% of you. But that didn't stop me googling the **** out of law enforcement and security jobs in her city.

My opinion is that it sounds like the pilot to a new drama that would more than likely premiere on ABC.

But that's just me.

Yeah, my vagina is getting pretty itchy here.

Before I give my opinion (and I do have one already prepared), I'd just like to ask Walker something. If this situation is completely hypothetical, what brought on the urge to ask about it?

I'm sorry, sometimes I have to be true to myself, but I apologize for saying this ahead of time:

Because it isn't hypothetical, durrr.

Opinions? You mean internet facts, right?

Exactly.

Ok, so she's not coming across as interested and the whole "I'm unavailable for 10 years" thing is either true or a massive exaggeration that is just...yeah, a bit crazy, but drives home the point that she's not interested. You, young man, need to move on because you have a girlfriend who, if memory serves, adores you and I am guessing there is some reciprocation there or you would be a real grade-A knobhead.

It's true. Very intensive, long and involved academic program.

Aaand yes, I AM a grade-A knobhead.

Now I hope you're happy with diverting my attention like this because not only have I just missed the ending to Real Housewives of Orange County, but Jake has stolen my coffee and is currently spinning around in circles yelling, "SICK!" at the top of his voice.

I'M SO SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

MDCH is simply not interested in even a friendship by the sound of it so personally to cut a long story short id forget her and carry on with my life. Would be simply chasing a shadow that no matter how hard you obsessed would never be caught & would only cause upset, heartache & a huge waste of time & losing something you already have.

Y'see this is the problem. If I'd asked her out four years ago, I'd've been shot down and could move on. As opposed to obsessing long after it's pointless.

 

[Angel]

Well....at a push you could just email her and say "will you be my girlfwend" and then get shot down and move on?

Presuming she is going to shoot you down

If not, you'll be in whole new region of hell that not even we can help you out of.

 

[Walker]

I've actually already done that twice. Emailed someone to ask them out on a date (and been shot down.) Doing it while in a relationship with someone else is just a new level of pathetic that I refuse to countenance.

 

[Necromancer]

I'm sorry, sometimes I have to be true to myself, but I apologize for saying this ahead of time:

Because it isn't hypothetical, durrr.

Look, we all know that sarcasm isn't delivered quite as well through text as it is through speech, so give me a break. I started to get that that was probably the case when Angel started referring to you specifically, but you don't have to belittle me just for interpreting it incorrectly. That aside, here's my opinion:

In these types of situations, I almost always give the same advice: make a move on the girl. However, in this situation, considering that you're in a relationship, you should only make that move under certain conditions. If you have stronger feelings for this girl than you do for your girlfriend, and/or you think a relationship with this other girl would be better than the one you're currently in, then do it. Otherwise, focus on deriving happiness from your current relationship in order to purge all thoughts of this other woman from your mind. Now, if one or both of the aforementioned conditions are true for you and you're still not convinced that making a move is the best choice, here are the two main reasons why you should do it:

1. "What could have been?" is never something that you want to wonder. That's something that I live by whenever there's a girl who's made her way into my heart. I've always done something about it in every situation like that. It's never easy to muster the courage to say something to a girl that interests you, but you never want to look back and wonder about what could have happened. Even in this kind of situation where you're almost entirely sure that you'll get shot down, you never know until you give it a shot.

2. No matter the result of asking her out or telling her how you feel, you'll finally be done with it all. If she says yes or the feelings are reciprocated, then good for you. You got what you wanted and everything's awesome. If she says no or says she doesn't feel the same way, then as previously stated, use your current relationship as a means of forgetting about her. You may feel sh*tty for a little while, but at least after that fades away, you won't have to worry about her or the situation anymore.

As a side note, it's good that you're not going to ask her out in an email. A phone call would be good enough, but if there's any opportunity that you get to do it in person, that would be the best option.

 

[Dark Drakan]

Y'see this is the problem. If I'd asked her out four years ago, I'd've been shot down and could move on. As opposed to obsessing long after it's pointless.

Surely if you pretty much know you would have been shot down back then what makes you think you have any better chance now? Even after she moved away, avoided you on purpose it sounds & has now got a job as far away as she could from you from what she had said then pretty much told you there is no point in contacting her because she has no interest in seeing you anytime in the next decade. From the sound of it to be blunt it sounds like she has no interest in ever seeing you again never mind taking things any further.

 

[Angel]

Walker, please purchase a copy of The Alphabet of Manliness by Maddox. I think it will solve all your problems.

If not, it does show you how to perfect punching a man in the balls, how to grope women without getting arrested and the role of Chuck Norris in every man's life...

 

[Necromancer]

Walker, please purchase a copy of The Alphabet of Manliness by Maddox. I think it will solve all your problems.

If not, it does show you how to perfect punching a man in the balls, how to grope women without getting arrested and the role of Chuck Norris in every man's life...

 

[Tyloric]

Guys, this thread.

Guys.

GUYS.

THIS THREAD.

It is... glorious.

 

[SelfAppointedGunslinger]

Walker, please purchase a copy of The Alphabet of Manliness by Maddox. I think it will solve all your problems.

If not, it does show you how to perfect punching a man in the balls, how to grope women without getting arrested and the role of Chuck Norris in every man's life...

Off topic like, but I don't understand how they could advise ball busting in any way at all in a book about manliness. Personally I've always thought it pretty dishonourable to punch a guy in his private parts in a fight or in general, when you do that you pretty much rule in the way for eye gouching and other dirty tactics like spitting in your opponents face. Unless your opponent was armed with a knife and you were desperate, then it would be justified but only in that kind of situation if there was no other choice.

 

[Necromancer]

Off topic like, but I don't understand how they could advise ball busting in any way at all in a book about manliness. Personally I've always thought it pretty dishonourable to punch a guy in his private parts in a fight or in general, when you do that you pretty much rule in the way for eye gouching and other dirty tactics like spitting in your opponents face. Unless your opponent was armed with a knife and you were desperate, then it would be justified but only in that kind of situation if there was no other choice.

Indeed. There are few ways to justifiably hit a man in his pleasure sack.