Hey, I know we're not great friends or anything, but..I wanted to ask you about something...Ive talked to other people about it, and theyve told me to come to you. So...Ill just come right out with it. I think I might be gay, and I wanted to ask you how I could break it to my parents....
I like when they watch.
Though should I suffer a eyes-pecked-out death, I'll haunt you. Just so you know...