Ask The Staff 'Anything'

[Firis]

Re: Ask The Staff 'Anything'

Staffies: You stumble into a hole, you cannot climb back out and you have strep throat so it is hard to yell, it is dark and you have only a torch (As in the flashlight, not the flaming stick) and a pocket knife, you see three paths, from one you hear an odd roar, the other a woman scream and a grotesque squishing sound, the third one is silent but has an odd stench and a warm breeze, which one do you go into?

 

[Angel]

Re: Ask The Staff 'Anything'

Staffies: You stumble into a hole, you cannot climb back out and you have strep throat so it is hard to yell, it is dark and you have only a torch (As in the flashlight, not the flaming stick) and a pocket knife, you see three paths, from one you hear an odd roar, the other a woman scream and a grotesque squishing sound, the third one is silent but has an odd stench and a warm breeze, which one do you go into?

Well, the first path could be anything from a lion to someone with severe issues of some sort; the second path is obviously going to involve PMS somewhere along the line so in all honesty, the best option is the third road because the stench is probably Steve's dog and the warm breeze will be whatever she's crapped out recently and that's not exactly news to me.

Alternatively, I'll just stay where I am and see if I can develop epilepsy by flashing the torch on and off and staring into the light. It's a hobby, I suppose...

 

[Firis]

Re: Ask The Staff 'Anything'

Haha, best answer I could ever have hoped for.

 

[HobbeBrain]

Re: Ask The Staff 'Anything'

To Staff/Staffettes, imagine yourself in this scenario:

You have a time machine. One day, the future you comes back and asks for your time machine because Future Youse (?) is broken and only had enough power for one trip. Unfortunately, Future You is a stupid, ugly, disagreeable, arrogant arsehole. What do you do?

 

[Skotekal]

Re: Ask The Staff 'Anything'

To all staff: What would do if you were locked in the same room as JohnDoe and Zarkes?

And if I was knocking on the door to the room nonstop? And offering apple pie if you could find a way to open the door?

Wow that question is lame. Oh well. :lol:

 

[Angel]

Re: Ask The Staff 'Anything'

To Staff/Staffettes, imagine yourself in this scenario:

You have a time machine. One day, the future you comes back and asks for your time machine because Future Youse (?) is broken and only had enough power for one trip. Unfortunately, Future You is a stupid, ugly, disagreeable, arrogant arsehole. What do you do?

Eat the time machine. It's clearly the only recourse.

To all staff: What would do if you were locked in the same room as JohnDoe and Zarkes?

And if I was knocking on the door to the room nonstop? And offering apple pie if you could find a way to open the door?

Wow that question is lame. Oh well. :lol:

first, I would check I was definitely locked in and there were no possible exits. then I would get some popcorn, enjoy the show and shout abuse at you through the door. That ok?

 

[HobbeBrain]

Re: Ask The Staff 'Anything'

Attention, all knowing Staff, please write me 700 words about the Apollo 13 Mssion for my english essay!!

 

[Gikoku]

Re: Ask The Staff 'Anything'

Attention, all knowing Staff, please write me 700 words about the Apollo 13 Mssion for my english essay!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apollo_13

Done.

To Staff/Staffettes, imagine yourself in this scenario:

You have a time machine. One day, the future you comes back and asks for your time machine because Future Youse (?) is broken and only had enough power for one trip. Unfortunately, Future You is a stupid, ugly, disagreeable, arrogant arsehole. What do you do?

Ignore him for being a helpless soul with impostor syndrome. But just to make sure, I'd ask him what the winning lottery numbers were so I can get me some millions. Then I'd continue ignoring him anyway.

To all staff: What would do if you were locked in the same room as JohnDoe and Zarkes?

And if I was knocking on the door to the room nonstop? And offering apple pie if you could find a way to open the door?

Wow that question is lame. Oh well. :lol:

Me and John would just break the door down (assuming this is a wooden door), Zarkes will probably be in the dark corner of the room doing his own little thing.

Staffies: You stumble into a hole, you cannot climb back out and you have strep throat so it is hard to yell, it is dark and you have only a torch (As in the flashlight, not the flaming stick) and a pocket knife, you see three paths, from one you hear an odd roar, the other a woman scream and a grotesque squishing sound, the third one is silent but has an odd stench and a warm breeze, which one do you go into?

Path number two. I'm imagining two girls covered in large amounts of body oil and wrestling with each other, resulting in plenty of 'squishy-squishy'. With the other woman having a hard time shutting up.

But this thought will likely get me killed, I'm sure.

 

[Walker]

Re: Ask The Staff 'Anything'

Is your mama a llama?

Is that actually a children's book or did I make it up?

Or did I confuse it with something else?

Or slightly mess up the title?

Are you a shy fellow?

Have you ever swallowed a cello?

Do you like green eggs and ham?

Is oobleck your thing?

Do your sneetches have stars upon thars?

Are you the lady with the alligator purse?

Do you know an old lady who swallowed a pie?

How about a fly?

A house?

A mouse?

Are you an old lady who lived a shoe, had so many children she didn't know what to do?

Have any of you heard of the book "Christian Mother Goose?" It's ****ing terrifying. As I recall, the lady who lived in a shoe asked god for food to feed her children and he gave it to her. Humpy Dumpty asked god for healing and was healed. Jack and Jill were molested by a Catholic priest. (Well, okay, not that last one, but the rest are genuine.)

 

[droded]

Re: Ask The Staff 'Anything'

Staffies: You stumble into a hole, you cannot climb back out and you have strep throat so it is hard to yell, it is dark and you have only a torch (As in the flashlight, not the flaming stick) and a pocket knife, you see three paths, from one you hear an odd roar, the other a woman scream and a grotesque squishing sound, the third one is silent but has an odd stench and a warm breeze, which one do you go into?

I'd take the first path to find myself a friendly dragon pet of sorts, then I'd go back and take the second path to save the damsel in distress with my dragon pal.

Also:

Spoiler

 

[Angel]

Re: Ask The Staff 'Anything'

Attention, all knowing Staff, please write me 700 words about the Apollo 13 Mssion for my english essay!!

Just hand in the film - everyone knows reading is for people too stupid to watch TV.

Is your mama a llama?

Is that actually a children's book or did I make it up?

Or did I confuse it with something else?

Or slightly mess up the title?

Are you a shy fellow?

Have you ever swallowed a cello?

Do you like green eggs and ham?

Is oobleck your thing?

Do your sneetches have stars upon thars?

Are you the lady with the alligator purse?

Do you know an old lady who swallowed a pie?

How about a fly?

A house?

A mouse?

Are you an old lady who lived a shoe, had so many children she didn't know what to do?

Have any of you heard of the book "Christian Mother Goose?" It's ****ing terrifying. As I recall, the lady who lived in a shoe asked god for food to feed her children and he gave it to her. Humpy Dumpty asked god for healing and was healed. Jack and Jill were molested by a Catholic priest. (Well, okay, not that last one, but the rest are genuine.)

Um...help?

 

[cheezMcNASTY]

Re: Ask The Staff 'Anything'

what is your favorite sports team??

 

[Walker]

Re: Ask The Staff 'Anything'

C'mon, man, they're Brits. They're all just going to say some soccer team, and no one cares about soccer.

Well, Tsuyu is a Swede, so his national sport is of course rape and pillage. But in these dissolute modern times, he's limited to pale shades of his ancestral rituals. Perversion and going after those kids' Trix.

Also, PG United... :ninja:

Another question: WHY OH WHY ARE LIBRARY PATRONS ASSHOLES? YOU DIDN'T RETURN YOUR FREE BOOK WITHIN 45 DAYS OF THE DUE DATE I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE A "LOYAL PATRON" YOU'RE GETTNG FREE ****ING BOOKS AND I CAN'T CLEAR THE ****ING FINE BECAUSE IT'S NOT A FINE, IT'S A 14 DOLLAR CHARGE FOR THE CD YOU DIDN'T RETURN YOU STUPID ****ING ***** I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT THIS **** PLEASE GO BOTHER MY BOSS **** **** **** **** YOU. RETURN THE DAMN THING OR PAY FOR IT OR REPLACE IT I DON'T ****ING CARE JUST GO AWAAAAAAYYYYY.

Um...help?

NO HELP FOR YOU.

 

[HobbeBrain]

Re: Ask The Staff 'Anything'

Staffies: Why does Walker have something against Brits?

 

[Tsuyu]

Re: Ask The Staff 'Anything'

Staffies: Why does Walker have something against Brits?

It wasn't as much "hate" as it was joking about the stereotypical lack of caring about football that them yanks harbor.

(what the heck is 'soccer'?)

 

[droded]

Re: Ask The Staff 'Anything'

Sale Sharks.

 

[Walker]

Re: Ask The Staff 'Anything'

It wasn't as much "hate" as it was joking about the stereotypical lack of caring about football that them yanks harbor.

(what the heck is 'soccer'?)

What he said. I like jokes of the "divided by a common language" general type. Don't have anything against our former colonial overlords.

Also, staff, did Droded get lost and think he was in the Word Association thread?

 

[Angel]

Re: Ask The Staff 'Anything'

what is your favorite sports team??

I did answer this but my post has disappeared...weird.

I'm not a fan of sports of any kind so I don't have a favourite team. If there is a sport on TV which involves a high mortality rate then I'll watch it on the off-chance someone might die horribly but otherwise, no interest whatsoever.

Another question: WHY OH WHY ARE LIBRARY PATRONS ASSHOLES? YOU DIDN'T RETURN YOUR FREE BOOK WITHIN 45 DAYS OF THE DUE DATE I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE A "LOYAL PATRON" YOU'RE GETTNG FREE ****ING BOOKS AND I CAN'T CLEAR THE ****ING FINE BECAUSE IT'S NOT A FINE, IT'S A 14 DOLLAR CHARGE FOR THE CD YOU DIDN'T RETURN YOU STUPID ****ING ***** I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT THIS **** PLEASE GO BOTHER MY BOSS **** **** **** **** YOU. RETURN THE DAMN THING OR PAY FOR IT OR REPLACE IT I DON'T ****ING CARE JUST GO AWAAAAAAYYYYY.

Because people are morons and even moreso when they are too stupid to adhere to a simple and rather generous deadline. I'd fine them extra just for wasting my precious time.

 

[Gikoku]

Re: Ask The Staff 'Anything'

(what the heck is 'soccer'?)

Someone who punches people in the face.

Also, staff, did Droded get lost and think he was in the Word Association thread?

With a fro that big, he probably did.

 

[Shirosaki]

Re: Ask The Staff 'Anything'

What he said. I like jokes of the "divided by a common language" general type. thread?

[youtube]xUdaPNXC_68[/youtube]

Checkmate.