How bad is this?

[Silent420]

How bad is this?

My aunt and uncle are over at my house right now, and there daughter who is eight (I'm pretty sure) is forced to eat salad, celery, study, etc. She is so sheltered she has no idea whats on TV, and she's afraid to watch "How to train your dragon."

... How protected can you be?

 

[Shirosaki]

Re: How bad is this?

Show her Scarface or something, it'll be ite.

 

[Firis]

Re: How bad is this?

Show her Blue Waffle. (DON'T... EVER! I am going to kill my friend next time I see him!)

On topic: It isn't a bad thing in my opinion as long as it doesn't make her one of those overprotective protesting mothers. She will probably grow up physically healthier and maybe more intelligent.

 

[Purple Nurple]

Re: How bad is this?

^ Hahahaha. I'm still recovernig from the scars myself.

It's actually true - I used to be really squemish, then I played Manhunt and Fallout 3. All the slo-mo eyeball paste has completely rid me of my squemish-ness.

 

[Silent420]

Re: How bad is this?

Her mother is crazy. Literally, she is WAY to over protective. You would have to meet her to understand but if you did you would see right away.

 

[Skotekal]

Re: How bad is this?

I'll never see overprotection as a good thing. But she is only 8. She probably won't allow it later on.

 

[droded]

Re: How bad is this?

I'm 8 and what is overprotected?

 

[Wonderfoole WINO]

Re: How bad is this?

The end result isn't going to be pretty. She could end up with low self-esteem and no sence of self reliance, as well as social issues. I'm still struggling to overcome that and I wasn't coddled nearly that bad. Kids need pain, they need to learn things the hard way, it helps them become stronger.

 

[Necromancer]

Re: How bad is this?

There's not much else to say on this, but I agree with TJ. She won't learn to be independent enough which could potentially cause some problems in her early adulthood. This also plays into not being able to think for yourself. She's in this closed off environment and more or less won't be able to do things like formulate her own opinions or beliefs.

She probably won't allow it later on.

I doubt that. Maybe at some point in her adult life she'll distance herself from her mom since she would have the ability to do so (providing her mom is still trying to control aspects of her life in her adulthood, which wouldn't be surprising), but her teenage years won't be like that at all. I know some people who had overprotective parents during their childhood. Now, as teenagers, their parents are still a little overprotective, and they're extremely obedient, never arguing or even negotiating with their parents on anything. They're not going through the natural 'rebellious teenager' stage that turns them into their own person.

 

[ScareCrowReturn]

Re: How bad is this?

TV isnt anything that spectacular or great for you, sure everyone loves it.. but its good that shes sheltered from THAT.

 

[Tyloric]

Re: How bad is this?

She'll live with her parents forever and ever and will eventually become a creepy cat lady.

 

[cheezMcNASTY]

Re: How bad is this?

REEFER MADNESS

 

[Aions]

Re: How bad is this?

when i was a kid i was alowed to eat dirt and wonder the streets alone untill the moon came out

 

[Angel]

Re: How bad is this?

I'm 8 and what is overprotected?

2 condoms instead of one.

Clearly didn't work out for your parents, son. But I can't tell you more than that because of your sheltered upbringing.

And this kid is, what, 8? Nah, she'll be fine. She'll hit her teenage years and either rebel and have six kids before she's 15 or just go through life being just another regular person with higher standards than her peers. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing in this day and age.

 

[Arseface]

Re: How bad is this?

You gotta let kids make their own mistakes. The world isn't a totally bad place, and they should be exposed to as much of it as they can. People learn the most by experiencing different, conflicting things. You can't expect a child to become a functioning member of society if all they know is the inside of their home.

 

[Arseface]

Re: How bad is this?

Why make mistakes when you don't have to? I distinctly remember talking about that one already.

You can't tell a kid not to do something and expect them to just not do it. Sometimes it will work, and sometimes it wont. It will almost always work when they realise for themselves that they shouldn't do whatever it is that they're doing.

There's obviously mistakes that it would be better off for them not to make. I guess what I should have said was, "You gotta let kids make some of their own mistakes".

This I will agree with. The idea is not to keep your kid chained in the basement, periodically bringing down corpses for it to feed on, but it isn't to kick your kid outside on the curb each morning and say "good luck" either.

If she's super-sheltered, like "so sheltered that she's never seen daylight" sheltered, you can't just press a button to make her go outside, live a normal life and soak up everything the world has to offer, let alone make her want to. What can be done is to let her decide what she's going to do. As Angel said, she's still very young, and she'll come to be one way or another as she grows older.

To answer the question of how bad this is: It isn't bad.

But she'll become afraid of the world from being too sheltered. That's what you have to avoid. You don't want to be sitting at the side of the pool, to afraid to go in because it's too cold. You want to just jump in and meet it head on. They can't just be taking action to avoid a handful of negative consequences, they have to realise all the consequences of that action. It's a fine line, and I'm not claiming to know where it is, but you gotta try to find it.

 

[Skotekal]

Re: How bad is this?

Errr... Yeah. What them smart people said above me.

And cold water is for pansies. Try freezing water.

 

[Arseface]

Re: How bad is this?

It would be better to say that one must accept that kids will make some mistakes regardless of any cautions they are given. My point is that you shouldn't not advise kids so that they don't have to make every mistake. Why learn the hard way? Why not learn from someone else's mistake instead? It's not sheltering them to tell them that having sex in a tree doesn't work as birth control, it's being a half-decent parent.

But again, it's not about telling them not to do something "Just because I said". Teach them to learn, and teach them how things work, and they'll realise for themselves that having sex in a tree doesn't work as contraception. Just because they'll accept you on blind faith doesn't make it a good tool for parenting.

You're going to need a better example than cold water. Parents can always tell their kids that the water is going to be cold, but that they'll get used to it if they stay in a while. Parents shouldn't say that because the water is cold, it would be better to stay out of it, and they shouldn't tell their kids to jump in and stop complaining about how cold it is, and they shouldn't just let kids run wild else the kid may dive into bigger problems than cold water. Ever seen the video of the guy who tries to do a flip while jumping into a pool and instead plants his face on the cement? I bet his parents would have said something like "don't do that, you'll land on your face" had they been there.

I was using the pool analogy as an allegory to what the kid may become through that kind of parenting, rather than for parenting itself. You don't want the kid to become afraid of the world because the parents have been too afraid for their kid.

 

[Arseface]

Re: How bad is this?

It does for when they're young and don't grasp that strangers offering candy to kids who get in the van are bad people. Or would you prefer to explain what the man with the candy does to a young child? When all else fails, a parent can use the "because I said so" because that's a perk that comes with being the parent. Parents who try to be the peers of their children fail. Always. That said, what you're describing there sounds like "well that's a bad idea, but I'll let you do it so you can find out why it's a bad idea." Correct me if I'm wrong.

No, I'm saying I'll teach you why it's a bad idea. You wouldn't need to explain the sexual abuse part of a kidnapping to a kid, just the kidnapping should be enough to frighten them. I'm not saying be the peer of your child. I'm saying teach them about the consequences of their actions.

Aaaaand that doesn't work either. Unless the parents are wickedly crazy and evil, they can't make their child deathly afraid of everything.

It's not like a phobia I'm talking about, but just an underlying unwillingness to do anything that carrys above a noticable amount of risk. A parent who trys to protect their child from every little thing that might hurt them will end up with a child who's afraid of every little thing that might hurt them. There's no point in being alive unless you actually live.

 

[Angel]

Re: How bad is this?

At what age do you teach a child the consequences of certain actions though? Have you a limit on what they can and cannot be taught? A child is not mature enough in any sense of the word to cope with a whole heap of information at one time or intricate and specific details about a particular subject.

Desensitizing them is not always a positive thing - they don't need exposing to all kinds of "explanatory info" - sometimes is really is best to say "because I said so" until such a time as it is appropriate for them to understand why. When I taught Jessica about the dangers of wandering off with a stranger or out of my sight, she was probably about 2 or 3 - I could in no way realistically explain to a child of that age and maturity why she must not do this, only that she must not. Kids don't always fight and strain to get every single answer possible - they need boundaries and will accept them over nothing at all, more often than not.

I agree that giving them reasoning is important - but only when and where it is appropriate. Even when you do provide reasoning, it still might be just extra words which mean nothing to the child. Saying a stove will burn them means nothing to the child who has no concept of being burned. Yet they still obey more often than not - but why? Because "I say so" or because they understand fully how dangerous hot things can be? I'm inclined to believe the former than the latter, to be honest.

In all cases, a proper sense of parental respect and recognising your authority over them is what is most important. I hate to pull this one out on you, but when you have kids you'll understand.