I don't know what to do.

[Skotekal]

I feel lost guys. I don't even know who to reach out to anymore. I was recently dumped by my girlfriend of 5 and a half years and I have no idea what to do. I feel so lost and it feels so surreal as to how it happened. I was texting her about a movie, which we saw, and then later that night at about 1 in the morning, she received a message from me, which I didn't send. She freaked out and I told her I didn't send her a message, especially not at 12am. The message said "I don't think we have a lot of time, but we have time for that ".

Now, she freaks out and all her friends tell her I'm cheating on her. So I rush over to her house the next day after she has a freakout at me and says "goodbye". It turns out I DID send the message, but at 6pm the same night and it was about the movie we were going to see because that is all we had time for. So, she ignores me and I tell her that I'm coming over to her house "right now" to show her my phone and all the messages. So I get there, and she's awake and seems to be really afraid. She won't let me talk in the house and now we are having a discussion outside. I'm near- stranded as it is late at night and she doesn't want to let me sleep at her house, which was slightly weird. Fast forward to the next day (I was able to get home, caught the last train) and I demand we have a talk, as this is unfair to me. She says okay. We meet up after she is done work and talk about some things. Now she says she can't trust me and all her new friends whom I haven't really met yet all say I'm a cheating douchebag. Here is the real kicker: she trusts THEM over ME. So she says she doesn't know if she can trust me and wants some time alone. Here is where, embarrassing to say, I break down. I start tearing up and I can't hold it back. Suddenly my world feels like its crashing all around me. All I can think about is our vacation to Orlando Studios and Harry Potter World. I can't even think straight. I feel like all these years have been wasted. I ask if its because she wants to see other people, to which she responds that she "can't handle that emotionally" but won't say no.

I'm losing it even harder now, not yelling, just accepting what she says while I slowly weep in the passenger seat. She "just wants some time alone". She asks if I'm going to be okay, and I said I didn't know. She asked if I was suicidal, and this is where I pause. I say yes. And truly, I did want to. If one of my very close friends hadn't have talked to me that night I don't really know if I'd be here right now. It seems so god damn petty, but I couldn't handle it. My best ****ing friend of all time and the person I love doesn't trust me. Says I've been lying about my whereabouts for all these years. I haven't been. She claims I lied about getting off work one time to go to an internet cafe and I didn't tell her and that she has a friend that told her this, but she refuses to tell me who. I keep asking and she says she won't tell me. So, I break the **** down AGAIN (I guess I'm a little bitch) and she drives me home. We have a small chat there. Then I go inside, ignore everyone, and go to bed. Next day, we don't say much I don't think. I wake up again the next day, and I'm emotionally hurting. Like, really badly. I haven't slept much in the days that passed. So I tell her that I deserve to know what is going on and how I feel and all that. That she hurt me and I'm confused and I demand that we talk so she can tell me everything. At about noon, I get a very long message stating that she's learned about something new called emotional abuse.

Now, I'm not new to this, my mother has been to therapy for this due to my father, one of the reasons they split. I absolutely lose it. I go home early and have a breakdown and tell her I'm sorry about everything. I can't be like my dad. I just can't. It hurt so bad to hear that. So I go online and see one of the signs. "Emotional withdrawal". Refusing to talk to them. I've done this from time to time when she really ****es me off. But that was one of the only things I could see. She demands I see a therapist. After this, I'm suicidal again. I can't handle it and I just want to end it all. I talk to a friend and he takes me out and we have a good time.

Fast forward to the next day. I do the dumbest ****ing thing I could and I check facebook. She's blocked me and removed her relationship status. This ****ing killed me. I just sat there and cried. I've never really been this emotional before and I didn't know how to handle it. So I talk to my friends and tell them all I've done recently. Tell them about the part where I'm emotionally abusing her, and then they all laugh. They tell me I'm being ****ed with and that I'm the most honest and kindest person they know. So, these are just friends and I don't know if this could be true. Now I go home and ask my mother about it, and she laughs too! Says I'm not emotionally abusive at all and to take another real hard look at a list of signs, but this time point out what shes done on there. And sure as ****, half the list is things shes done to me, mostly in the past, some recently. This was last week. I'm hurt and lost again. I don't know what to do. Days are getting easier but I can't stop thinking about her. Everything reminds me of her.

I want her back so bad and I don't know if she wants a break for a month or for a long time. She cut communication with me completely. I've hopped on tinder and the like but I can't commit to that ****, I still feel like I'm cheating and I just don't know what to do. My mother tells me to run far and fast from her and that she has another motive up her sleeve as I've done nothing wrong, but I feel that her friends, which I'm going to reiterate that I've never met before, are manipulating her into thinking I'm a piece of ****. I just don't know how to handle this guys. I just don't. I just want it all to end and I can't handle it. She was the light of my life and now shes gone. I'm 22 now and I feel like I'm just getting old and whatnot. I don't know how to handle any of this. I've never been through a breakup and I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm a goddamn mess recently and I feel like she's the perfect person that I lost. Talking to friends helps briefly, but then always have plans with the significant others and I don't want to bog them down with my ****. I just want advice guys. I need help.

 

[Dark Drakan]

Having been through a few breakups, yeah they suck and can seem like the end of the world at the time but sometimes you look back on them and think it was for the best. Sometimes no-one does anything wrong and they just dont work out, people can change and theres not always an ulterior motive behind things. Sometimes its just a persons own inner demons and insecurities that can create these scenarios and blow things way out of proportion.

There are MANY factors that can lead to a breakup and sometimes you will never fully understand what went wrong (been there myself) but at the end of the day no one person is worth someone questioning their own life and there are plenty more people out there.

The main thing you can do is to remember you havent done anything wrong and try to stay calm about it, you freaking out makes you look guilty of something and like you are panicking about something else. No relationship can last without trust and she might have trust issues herself and nothing you do might change this. I mean after 5 and a half years she can freak out about a delayed text arriving and blow up like this how would she handle any real relationship stress in the future? Take a step back and take some time to yourself, get into some games and take some down time and avoid social media and texting her and just leave her be to gather her thoughts. If she loves you she might contact you again when shes calmed down and thought about things rationally but forcing her to come back makes people feel like they are being controlled.

I've hopped on tinder and the like but I can't commit to that ****, I still feel like I'm cheating and I just don't know what to do. .

Avoid this at all costs as this makes it look like you WERE looking for someone else, dont try and jump back into anything like this as its not fair on the other person involved and your head would not be in the right place at all. I would remove this profile for now and just concentrate on being happy with yourself, if you arent happy how could you make someone else happy? If your now ex came back into your life you would drop anyone new like a hot potato to go back to what you know and its things like this that cause issues for others and being rejected.

Days are getting easier but I can't stop thinking about her. Everything reminds me of her.

After 5 and a half years this is perfectly normal and everything will remind you of them and that lasts some time. It does get easier and you will be fine, if worst comes to the worst there are millions of people out there and everyone always thinks 'I will never find another like them' but then they find someone better.

You are 22... thats practically a child in regards to the relationship world. I was almost 21 when me and my first girlfriend split and we had been together since I was 16. I too thought nothing would ever break us up and thought things were fine and got blindsided by her leaving me. Then to make matters worse she got with one of my best friends (at the time) 2 months after we split and married him the year after and they have 2 children now (we havent spoken a word to each other for 10 years now). Since that ive been through some good and very bad relationships and some truly awful break ups but Ive now been married for 2 years and with her for 7 years and have a child so it all works out in the end.

 

[Angel]

Aw Sko - this sucks. I mean, really really sucks. There's nothing any of us can say that will make it suddenly feel better and I don't think it would be fair to you for us to do that - you gave over 5 years of your life and now it's gone, just like that, and to try and make out like it could be worse or whatever would be to trivialise something that matters enormously to you. And so it should.

Drakan is right about Tinder - keep away from that shizzle. It's a hollow attraction with zero soul and would not be healthy for you, regardless of where your relationship ends up.

I'm glad you haven't done anything destructive and I'm gonna ask that you don't. It's a very final solution to what is ultimately a temporary problem. A painful one, undoubtedly, but not the end of all things. Even though it may feel that way and may continue to do so for some time to come.

In terms of your relationship? I would actually take your mother's advice. It sounds like she knows best and isn't just reacting out of some "you hurt my son!" feelings either. I know you love her and I know she has been a major part of your life for years but she is not treating you the way someone should if they love you. If she is listening to these new friends over anyone else then this, to me, highlights a deep immaturity that you don't need or deserve.

Right now though? Be upset. Seriously, it'll actually do you some good. When a relationship ends your emotions react the same way as if someone has died - you grieve. You grieve for what was, what could have been, what was and wasn't said...the whole nine yards. So by all means be sad, mad and allow yourself the time it takes until you start to be able to see things with a wider perspective. Don't do anything destructive or dangerously impulsive (and for goodness sake don't propose!) but do the things that otherwise help you to feel better. If you enjoy games, play them - and if you picture her friends on zombie faces, all the better for it. If you're more outdoorsy then go for a run, a walk, whatever. Play music, make music, write journals, letters, songs, poems...heck, paint your nails if that's your thing. But grieve. Let yourself feel the loss so your mind can adjust and cope better in the long term. Squashing it all down will just give you an aneurysm or something.

Don't think about whether you will meet someone else (or even if you want to) - that nonsense is too heavy right now. You feel old because a significant portion of your life was devoted to someone and now that doesn't seem so likely anymore. But you are 22 and believe it or not there is a world out there to get to grips with, whether single or dating, and so you need to get to a place where this situation matures you but does not age you.

You're gonna feel tired, sad, helpless, hopeless, lose your appetite, lose interest in anything, get a little obsessive over what she is doing or not doing and who with... these things are completely normal but the trick is to not let them take over. That's hard but not impossible.

It's easy for those who aren't in it or who have been through it to say it'll get better - because they've either never experienced it or it has gotten better. But right now, where you're at, it doesn't feel like it ever will. Then in a week, a month, six months, a year - whatever - you find yourself gradually enjoying your life again, bit by bit. When you see her or one of her idiot friends, it still stings but it doesn't cripple you. And then, in time, you realise that yeah, it does get better. So long as you don't take drastic action, you will get to enjoy it all again.

But it hurts. It hurts so bad. And I wish I had better words to make it suddenly all awesome again, but I don't. What I can say, however, is that if you need to rage, complain, vent or whatever, you can always fire me a PM. No obligation, just know that the option is there for those times when your friends are unable to comply. Hang in there, buddy.

 

[cheezMcNASTY]

Wish I had the experience to talk from to help here, but it looks like the above posts are some gold nugget knowledge.

Good luck to ya man. Keep pluggin'. ^_^

 

[Skotekal]

Thanks for the kind words guys

Things have been getting better day by day, I've been talking to my mother over the phone a lot to help with things. The more I talk to people about it the more they just tell me that the problems are in her head and to let her go. It feels a bit better to know that I'm not a monster and I didn't know. I've been drinking quite a bit the last week and that has helped tremendously after work but I don't know if that should be a path I should pursue any longer, as helpful as it is.

Unfortunately, just yesterday she dropped off all of my things that she had at her house while I wasn't home. I couldn't just throw it all out, so I went through it. God damn, the feelings. Even the tiniest of things in that box were painful to look at. So many memories. I just wish I could see it all in a happier light. Hell, I even found a luggage tag from when we went on vacation for our 5th anniversary. That trip meant so much to me. I never tried to hang on to the idea that we would be together forever, but that trip changed me. I'd never been happier in my life, and I can't stop thinking about it. I've lost my best friend and it all just sucks. But it's getting easier and I start to feel a little more numbed with each passing day, so at least that's working out for me haha.

Seriously guys, thanks for all the advice. I'm trying to hang on and not feel old. And I've pretty much backed away from Tinder, it's just not want I want. I don't want a hookup; I want a friend. And thanks for extending the offer to PM you Angel, I may do that in the following days or weeks. Everything is a rollercoaster right now so all the support is definitely helping.

Thanks guys.

 

[Dark Drakan]

Thanks for the kind words guys

Things have been getting better day by day, I've been talking to my mother over the phone a lot to help with things. The more I talk to people about it the more they just tell me that the problems are in her head and to let her go. It feels a bit better to know that I'm not a monster and I didn't know. I've been drinking quite a bit the last week and that has helped tremendously after work but I don't know if that should be a path I should pursue any longer, as helpful as it is.

Unfortunately, just yesterday she dropped off all of my things that she had at her house while I wasn't home. I couldn't just throw it all out, so I went through it. God damn, the feelings. Even the tiniest of things in that box were painful to look at. So many memories. I just wish I could see it all in a happier light. Hell, I even found a luggage tag from when we went on vacation for our 5th anniversary. That trip meant so much to me. I never tried to hang on to the idea that we would be together forever, but that trip changed me. I'd never been happier in my life, and I can't stop thinking about it. I've lost my best friend and it all just sucks. But it's getting easier and I start to feel a little more numbed with each passing day, so at least that's working out for me haha.

Seriously guys, thanks for all the advice. I'm trying to hang on and not feel old. And I've pretty much backed away from Tinder, it's just not want I want. I don't want a hookup; I want a friend. And thanks for extending the offer to PM you Angel, I may do that in the following days or weeks. Everything is a rollercoaster right now so all the support is definitely helping.

Thanks guys.

Always helps to have people to talk to and im always around if you want to throw me a message too (same offer as Angels). What stands out to me is that she wanted to leave all the things there while you werent at home, goes to show she doesnt want to face up to anything. Things like that will be painful, my advice would be to leave them in the box and put it somewhere you dont have to look at every day. Losing a partner and best friend is awful and feels like you have lost a limb and dont really know what to do with yourself. You spend so long trying to keep someone else happy that you almost forget how to have fun in your own company. I too drank and played games a lot but have to be careful as alcohol is a depressant and if you are already feeling down it can multiply those feelings.

You will have good days and bad days and days where you feel like yourself again only to come across something that makes you miss her and bring all the feelings flooding back but stay strong and ride it out and everything will be fine in the end. Either way you will learn from the experience and it will make you a stronger person from it.

 

[Skotekal]

Always helps to have people to talk to and im always around if you want to throw me a message too (same offer as Angels). What stands out to me is that she wanted to leave all the things there while you werent at home, goes to show she doesnt want to face up to anything. Things like that will be painful, my advice would be to leave them in the box and put it somewhere you dont have to look at every day. Losing a partner and best friend is awful and feels like you have lost a limb and dont really know what to do with yourself. You spend so long trying to keep someone else happy that you almost forget how to have fun in your own company. I too drank and played games a lot but have to be careful as alcohol is a depressant and if you are already feeling down it can multiply those feelings.

You will have good days and bad days and days where you feel like yourself again only to come across something that makes you miss her and bring all the feelings flooding back but stay strong and ride it out and everything will be fine in the end. Either way you will learn from the experience and it will make you a stronger person from it.

Yeah, I started to cut down on the booze but now everything feels ****ty again. I tried just having a game weekend to myself and it just didn't feel right at all. Felt like I was wasting time I guess. Just gonna keep at life and see what happens I guess. Maybe find a new hobby or something. It just feels so damn hard to enjoy anything.

 

[Dark Drakan]

Yeah, I started to cut down on the booze but now everything feels ****ty again. I tried just having a game weekend to myself and it just didn't feel right at all. Felt like I was wasting time I guess. Just gonna keep at life and see what happens I guess. Maybe find a new hobby or something. It just feels so damn hard to enjoy anything.

You will feel like that and it's perfectly natural, just have to keep occupied. It's when you are sat alone with only your own thoughts that you start to go over everything in your head again and it brings all the feelings flooding back. Hobbies are a good distraction and take some time to yourself and have to find a way to enjoy your own company again. I had a huge backlog of games to get through and just immersed myself in those to keep busy.

 

[Skotekal]

You will feel like that and it's perfectly natural, just have to keep occupied. It's when you are sat alone with only your own thoughts that you start to go over everything in your head again and it brings all the feelings flooding back. Hobbies are a good distraction and take some time to yourself and have to find a way to enjoy your own company again. I had a huge backlog of games to get through and just immersed myself in those to keep busy.

Been trying that, it's been helping a little. I had a somewhat lengthy email session with her (seeing as she blocked me in almost any way she could) that calmed me down quite a bit. I learned more about what happened and, well, it appears shes not very bright I guess haha. Her evidence of me cheating is that a couple of our mutual friends saw me on a Saturday that I took to myself to study, which is 100% true, I was on the train, but I was picking up a cheque from my boss. So all in all, I feel so relieved to have the whole story. It still hurts a lot, don't get me wrong, but I have resolution. It just turns out she isn't so bright, which I kind of knew in the first place - not to sound like a dick. Basically told her that I didn't really care that she thought I was cheating and she could go ahead and get herself checked out at the sexual health clinic and whatnot, told her my side of the story. Guess there was some inconsistencies with my story and her/our friends. But **** it, that happened 2 months ago, I'm not gonna remember the exact details of the day. Said I shouldn't have to keep a log of my whereabouts nor should I have to inform her when I need to run errands. It still sucks immensely that our breakup came down to this but what am I supposed to do? I guess there was some other **** too, like me having "mean" opinions on things and the like and me not really liking her family very much (even though she pretty much hates mine) amongst a few other things. Told her that she needs to speak up when an issue arises or when she feels I'm being mean. Communication is king, I suppose.

But if things ended over that, I guess it was better now than later to find out she is borderline psycho. Even ended our conversation on a positive note letting her know how much shes had an impact on me and my personal growth over the years. Didn't get a response, but I guess that is fine. Told her I'd never block her and she could communicate me any time.Also, I've decided not to toss out her pictures or anything shes given me. She was an important person and I'll always remember that. Can't just try to forget about her even though that is what she is attempting to do to me. I still feel that this is mostly my fault, but everyone I've told all the info to has had the same response: "she's immature and/or insane".

Gonna try to move on now, I guess. Keep on going and doing things. Maybe get some outdoor hobbies or other things. Thanks for all the support guys, it's been more helpful than you may know over the past couple weeks. I may toss a few PM's your guys' way in the future as well, you guys have some great advice

 

[Dark Drakan]

Been trying that, it's been helping a little. I had a somewhat lengthy email session with her (seeing as she blocked me in almost any way she could) that calmed me down quite a bit. I learned more about what happened and, well, it appears shes not very bright I guess haha. Her evidence of me cheating is that a couple of our mutual friends saw me on a Saturday that I took to myself to study, which is 100% true, I was on the train, but I was picking up a cheque from my boss. So all in all, I feel so relieved to have the whole story. It still hurts a lot, don't get me wrong, but I have resolution. It just turns out she isn't so bright, which I kind of knew in the first place - not to sound like a dick. Basically told her that I didn't really care that she thought I was cheating and she could go ahead and get herself checked out at the sexual health clinic and whatnot, told her my side of the story. Guess there was some inconsistencies with my story and her/our friends. But **** it, that happened 2 months ago, I'm not gonna remember the exact details of the day. Said I shouldn't have to keep a log of my whereabouts nor should I have to inform her when I need to run errands. It still sucks immensely that our breakup came down to this but what am I supposed to do? I guess there was some other **** too, like me having "mean" opinions on things and the like and me not really liking her family very much (even though she pretty much hates mine) amongst a few other things. Told her that she needs to speak up when an issue arises or when she feels I'm being mean. Communication is king, I suppose.

But if things ended over that, I guess it was better now than later to find out she is borderline psycho. Even ended our conversation on a positive note letting her know how much shes had an impact on me and my personal growth over the years. Didn't get a response, but I guess that is fine. Told her I'd never block her and she could communicate me any time.Also, I've decided not to toss out her pictures or anything shes given me. She was an important person and I'll always remember that. Can't just try to forget about her even though that is what she is attempting to do to me. I still feel that this is mostly my fault, but everyone I've told all the info to has had the same response: "she's immature and/or insane".

Gonna try to move on now, I guess. Keep on going and doing things. Maybe get some outdoor hobbies or other things. Thanks for all the support guys, it's been more helpful than you may know over the past couple weeks. I may toss a few PM's your guys' way in the future as well, you guys have some great advice

Well from your side of things that's all very positive and at least you know where you stand. At least something like this happened before things got to living together/marriage or children stage, you have seen her in a different light with this attitude now. Maybe she didn't know you and vice versa as much as you thought, that's a long time to be together for someone to assume you are cheating based on some trivial evidence.

 

[Skotekal]

Well from your side of things that's all very positive and at least you know where you stand. At least something like this happened before things got to living together/marriage or children stage, you have seen her in a different light with this attitude now. Maybe she didn't know you and vice versa as much as you thought, that's a long time to be together for someone to assume you are cheating based on some trivial evidence.

It's what I keep telling myself. At least it is now and not later. We've been throwing more emails back and forth (she didn't give back my skateboard, something with sentimental value) and she just keeps slamming me with more and more **** about what I did wrong. There's so many holes in the arguments, but I don't know what to think. I've gone ahead and ignored it for the past few days and figure I should continue doing just that. I'm getting mixed input from people on whether or not I should meet new girls and was wondering what your input is, considering that you have far more experience in this field than I do haha.

 

[Dark Drakan]

It's what I keep telling myself. At least it is now and not later. We've been throwing more emails back and forth (she didn't give back my skateboard, something with sentimental value) and she just keeps slamming me with more and more **** about what I did wrong. There's so many holes in the arguments, but I don't know what to think. I've gone ahead and ignored it for the past few days and figure I should continue doing just that. I'm getting mixed input from people on whether or not I should meet new girls and was wondering what your input is, considering that you have far more experience in this field than I do haha.

To be honest all you can be is civil, you have done nothing wrong and shouldn't feel any need to defend yourself or justify anything. Let her think what she wants, she will either believe you or she won't. If she doesn't then she simply doesn't trust you and no relationship can last without that.

Don't bother with meeting new girls or anything as your head isn't in right place yet. You will likely still have many thoughts in your head about her and unresolved issues so it would be unfair to bring anyone else into your life with that going on in your head. Concentrate on yourself and getting your head in the right place and have to mentally move on before you can physically move on with anyone and bring anyone else into your life.

 

[Skotekal]

I've done my best to be. I've been as level-headed as I can with her, but it hasn't had the best effect. And her lack of trust is a bit insane. ****, I went as far as to stop checking girls out regardless of if she was with me or not. Just didn't wanna make her feel bad. But still, not trust. Oh well. Can't win them all.

Trying to work on me a little bit, been learning how to cook a little better and things like that. Just little things to improve. Makes me a feel a bit happier, anyways haha

 

[Dark Drakan]

I've done my best to be. I've been as level-headed as I can with her, but it hasn't had the best effect. And her lack of trust is a bit insane. ****, I went as far as to stop checking girls out regardless of if she was with me or not. Just didn't wanna make her feel bad. But still, not trust. Oh well. Can't win them all.

Trying to work on me a little bit, been learning how to cook a little better and things like that. Just little things to improve. Makes me a feel a bit happier, anyways haha

Some people are a lost cause, sounds like she has some issues herself that she might need to work through and only so much you can try and help others and put your own life on hold. Best to stay at arms length and be there if she needs you but other than that just concentrate on your own life and try to move on with things.

 

[Skotekal]

Some people are a lost cause, sounds like she has some issues herself that she might need to work through and only so much you can try and help others and put your own life on hold. Best to stay at arms length and be there if she needs you but other than that just concentrate on your own life and try to move on with things.

Definitely been trying to move on with my life but for the past 5 years or so my life has been, well, her. I just don't really even know who I am anymore. My life revolved around her problems and making her happy, but I guess I wasn't very good at the latter haha.

My mind won't stop racing about how what she's doing or who she might be with and I don't know why. I shouldn't care. I just shouldn't but I do. It blows my mind still. How she ended it, why she did without talking, how fast I was deleted and cut out of her life with almost no warning. I don't get it man. I almost just want all this to be my fault so I know what went wrong haha. But that girl ain't right.

Hobbies and hanging out with friends it is for now. Been trying to learn German as well, but I doubt that'll go far haha

 

[Dark Drakan]

Definitely been trying to move on with my life but for the past 5 years or so my life has been, well, her. I just don't really even know who I am anymore. My life revolved around her problems and making her happy, but I guess I wasn't very good at the latter haha.

My mind won't stop racing about how what she's doing or who she might be with and I don't know why. I shouldn't care. I just shouldn't but I do. It blows my mind still. How she ended it, why she did without talking, how fast I was deleted and cut out of her life with almost no warning. I don't get it man. I almost just want all this to be my fault so I know what went wrong haha. But that girl ain't right.

Hobbies and hanging out with friends it is for now. Been trying to learn German as well, but I doubt that'll go far haha

Likely it wasn't a matter of anything you did or didn't do but she wasn't mentally happy in herself. Sometimes there is just no reasoning for anything, it just doesn't work as simple as that.

I've had the same a couple of times and seemingly thought everyone was happy and then out of the blue it's been over and all contact was cut. Normally it's a sign of their guilt over something and them not wanting to face up to it rather than anything you have done.

 

[Skotekal]

Likely it wasn't a matter of anything you did or didn't do but she wasn't mentally happy in herself. Sometimes there is just no reasoning for anything, it just doesn't work as simple as that.

I've had the same a couple of times and seemingly thought everyone was happy and then out of the blue it's been over and all contact was cut. Normally it's a sign of their guilt over something and them not wanting to face up to it rather than anything you have done.

If it only it was that simple! haha. Yeah, it was just so insane to me that after 5 and some years that it was over so quickly, but I guess I couldn't have ****ed up THAT bad. Oh well, I guess I'll never really know the whole story behind it. What a confusing month. Gotta keep on keeping on. Man, I'm glad I've had some advice to go on with, this has been a wild ride so far, like damn. It's been helpful.

 

[Dark Drakan]

If it only it was that simple! haha. Yeah, it was just so insane to me that after 5 and some years that it was over so quickly, but I guess I couldn't have ****ed up THAT bad. Oh well, I guess I'll never really know the whole story behind it. What a confusing month. Gotta keep on keeping on. Man, I'm glad I've had some advice to go on with, this has been a wild ride so far, like damn. It's been helpful.

One of my exs ended it with me just before our 5th anniversary, I had cooked her a meal, filled house with candles, bought her some presents and poured her a glass of wine for when she got in from her nurse placement from Uni (long hours). She was really off with me when she got home and distant, I asked what was wrong and if she had, had a tough day working and eventually she broke down crying. She had turned down the meal and everything else and eventually she told me she loved me but wasnt 'in love' with me anymore and walked out just like that. I had no idea anything was wrong and we had spent that morning planning our next holiday and we hadnt long got back from 2 weeks in Bulgaria.

I tried for weeks to get her to talk to me and tell me what was wrong and even went round to speak to her mum as we really got on and I had spent years pretty much living at her house. She told me she didnt know what was wrong and that she had spent the entire time crying and lazing around the house afterwards really upset. So I tried to cheer her up and left her gifts and messages in an attempt to brighten her day after Uni and work placement but just made it worse so I stopped.

She pretty much cut contact with me and I heard nothing for ages and wasnt until I was randomly told in the pub that she had been hooking up with guy I know a couple of times and had given a friend of mine her number in pub (which he told me about and he had binned it). Then 2 months later she randomly messaged me on MSN (retro I know) and said she wanted to speak about something. I had already guessed what it was about and told her I didnt want anything to do with either of them anymore. She had hooked up with one of my (so called) best friends, who were rumoured previously to have a thing for each other and they had been best friends since childhood. They are still together and are married and have 2 children now and true to my word I havent spoken to either of them since (over 10 years ago now).

To this day im none the wiser about what happened back then to make her feel that way and I tried my best to keep her happy but just didnt work. Blamed myself for years and thought I did something wrong but sometimes things just dont work out & have to accept that. Looking back on it now there were some subtle signals she was unhappy but nothing that stood out enough for someone so close to the person to notice. Probably better off not knowing to be honest and just moved on with life and had some good and bad relationships since that too but all worked out in the end.

 

[Skotekal]

One of my exs ended it with me just before our 5th anniversary, I had cooked her a meal, filled house with candles, bought her some presents and poured her a glass of wine for when she got in from her nurse placement from Uni (long hours). She was really off with me when she got home and distant, I asked what was wrong and if she had, had a tough day working and eventually she broke down crying. She had turned down the meal and everything else and eventually she told me she loved me but wasnt 'in love' with me anymore and walked out just like that. I had no idea anything was wrong and we had spent that morning planning our next holiday and we hadnt long got back from 2 weeks in Bulgaria.

I tried for weeks to get her to talk to me and tell me what was wrong and even went round to speak to her mum as we really got on and I had spent years pretty much living at her house. She told me she didnt know what was wrong and that she had spent the entire time crying and lazing around the house afterwards really upset. So I tried to cheer her up and left her gifts and messages in an attempt to brighten her day after Uni and work placement but just made it worse so I stopped.

She pretty much cut contact with me and I heard nothing for ages and wasnt until I was randomly told in the pub that she had been hooking up with guy I know a couple of times and had given a friend of mine her number in pub (which he told me about and he had binned it). Then 2 months later she randomly messaged me on MSN (retro I know) and said she wanted to speak about something. I had already guessed what it was about and told her I didnt want anything to do with either of them anymore. She had hooked up with one of my (so called) best friends, who were rumoured previously to have a thing for each other and they had been best friends since childhood. They are still together and are married and have 2 children now and true to my word I havent spoken to either of them since (over 10 years ago now).

To this day im none the wiser about what happened back then to make her feel that way and I tried my best to keep her happy but just didnt work. Blamed myself for years and thought I did something wrong but sometimes things just dont work out & have to accept that. Looking back on it now there were some subtle signals she was unhappy but nothing that stood out enough for someone so close to the person to notice. Probably better off not knowing to be honest and just moved on with life and had some good and bad relationships since that too but all worked out in the end.

Oh my god man, that's ****ed. Why would a friend do that? And that's just horrendous man. Definitely the best choice to not talk to either of them. And I feel you on the part about everything feeling like it was a fault with ourselves, I definitely feel that way. I'm told constantly that its not, but I just feel that way. But man, that's rough. I have an inkling that my ex was fiddling around but I'd never get her to admit to something like that. It would never work. Did knowing what she did bring closure?

 

[Dark Drakan]

Oh my god man, that's ****ed. Why would a friend do that? And that's just horrendous man. Definitely the best choice to not talk to either of them. And I feel you on the part about everything feeling like it was a fault with ourselves, I definitely feel that way. I'm told constantly that its not, but I just feel that way. But man, that's rough. I have an inkling that my ex was fiddling around but I'd never get her to admit to something like that. It would never work. Did knowing what she did bring closure?

Just makes you feel like a bit of an idiot for wasting so much time and effort on a person at the time. Felt a fool for not seeing any signs & for trying to "fix" things and putting effort into finding out what was wrong and blaming myself for everything. Just ****ed me off in the end that people I trusted would have done something like that after everything I had done for them over the years. You live and learn however & had many lessons from relationships since then and been a stronger person afterwards too.