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Ruuku?

Cobalt Gamer

Resident miserable sod.
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Ruuku?

crap Crap CRAP!, the bloods pouring from my chest, the wound is too deep for me to heal with magic. I can barley hold my blade, I'm hunched over, this is it i can't win. I fall and collapse on the floor. It's so cold down here, i think it's over; i put up a good fight that's all anyone can ask of me right? "hey Ruuku!" a voice echos in my head."Ruuuuku!" Again where is it coming from? "Down here!" I look around and everything is dark, I'm on my feet but there is nothing below me, I'm floating?! "Ruuku look at me!" This voice calls for me again, i take a shallow breath "where are you?" I asked nervously. "Look under your feet stupid." I peer below and there sitting on a dark pillar is a boy. He's no older then me about 14 maybe 15 it's hard to tell. He's wearing a white suite with black shoes and a pair of white gloves, his hair is spiky and red and he has a scar across his face. " well you coming or what?" I look at him with a dumb strook glare. "coming where?" I asked. "you'll see" with that he flew down, i called after him."How do i do th-" my yelling was cut short as i began to fall, whatever power was keeping me up had give way, i was gaining speed at an alarming rate. I could see the floor and i pulled my hands in front of my face as i braced for braced for impact, i felt a thud but that was it. I stood up unharmed, i was once again dumb stroke, the kid who knew my name was now laughing at me."you do know in here you cant hurt?" he kept laughing as though i had just been given a wedgie and was up a flag pole."so what i can't die" He stopped laughing at me and gave me a very serious and disturbing glare"you cant come to harm, that doesn't mean your body outside wont die." I was now more confused then ever."my body outside? What does that mean." i asked inquizitively. The boy sighed "This is inside of your sword it's nice ain't it, i try to keep it clean ya know. oh by the way the names Joo." Joo put his hands in his pockets and walked over to me"You want it simpler don't you." He sighed again "I am your sword, your here because your about to die, your here because i wont let that happen" He grinned and gave me a thumbs up "Ive got your back dude." He grabbed my arm and dragged me into another room.

"welcome to my training ground!!" I was taken aback by the sight, it was a huge arena,a coliseum worthy of a roman emperor, "well shall we get started?" Joo jumped up into the air and landed a few feet away,he was facing me and took a fighting stance."you'll become stronger if your weapon is stronger then you now fight me!" I looked at him and grinned "you really are stupid ain't you?" I took a defensive stance "this is gonna be easy" I thought yo myself, "3....2......1... GO!" Joo shouted then he made his move, before i could anything he was in front of me and his fist in my stomach. I opened my mouth and blood poured out, "heh I knew it your weak" said Joo as he pulled his arm back for the second attack, he went to punch me again, i grabbed his arm and he was shocked."So that's how you fight? oh this should be fun" I said as i thrust my palm into his face, he flew back i launched up into the air then launched my foot into his direction my kick connected but to something i didn't expect, Joo had grabbed my foot."hmm well this is gonna be interesting." Joo threw me a couple of feet away. I landed on my feet and took my defensive stance again."The real fight begins now" we both said simultainously.
 
Re: Ruuku?

BOO!!! IT SUCKED!!!!!!!!!!!! +rep... jk
 
Re: Ruuku?

IT's Ryuk :P Unless this is a story about someone else. :O
 
Re: Ruuku?

its his own made up thingy... but good memory sephy! +rep
 
Re: Ruuku?

Rep is so meaningless now.. Haha.

Rep+ for you because your Avatar has "Merry Christmas" on it.. Jokes.
 
Re: Ruuku?

Once again,
Rough draft or not you really need to practice proper paragraph format.
Sentence structure is also good.

Rough draft or not, its no reason to be sloppy.
 
Re: Ruuku?

ScareCrowReturn;245857 said:
Rep is so meaningless now.. Haha.

Rep+ for you because your Avatar has "Merry Christmas" on it.. Jokes.

Why do you say that?

+Rep for effort Ruuku...
 
Re: Ruuku?

Tyloric all I have ever seen you do is get on him for his flaws, I think while his sentence structure IS bad he is almost as good as I am...
 
Re: Ruuku?

Firis;246001 said:
Tyloric all I have ever seen you do is get on him for his flaws, I think while his sentence structure IS bad he is almost as good as I am...

Because to be a good writer you must address your flaws or you will never improve. I'd rather have someone critique my work to no end than be praised. You can't improve if all you're hoping to gain is praise.

I take literature very seriously, I don't just do it with him.
 
Re: Ruuku?

It's true, if he doesn't get criticised then he will never improve as he doesn't know what he is doing wrong.

You could be less blunt though, Tyloric.
 
Re: Ruuku?

[LEFT said:
Tyloric[/left];245862]Once again,
Rough draft or not you really need to practice proper paragraph format.
Sentence structure is also good.

Rough draft or not, its no reason to be sloppy.


Tbh i don't really mind the critisism but when you don't explain how it can be improved only tell me what needs to be improved its never going to get better.
 
Re: Ruuku?

I could have sworn I did in another thread, but okay:

A new paragraph begins when the topic is changed or altered, or someone else begins speaking.

Your use of commas is also scarce. When you're listing something each thing is separated by a comma.

Try practicing capitalizing your I's. An I is always capital. Well, in most cases.

Be sure you're using the right words:
Your and You're are usually confused.
Their, There, and They're are too.

If you enjoy writing so much, I highly suggest looking into a Creative Writing club, most schools have one. If it doesn't, start one! All you need is approval from your principal and teacher as a sponsor.

Also look into AP English and Literature classes.
Taking Latin helps you understand words and use them correctly.

Lastly, look into getting a beta reader.
 
Re: Ruuku?

Damn, you really are a grammar Nazi! At least you know how to correct someone. +rep to both of you.
 
Re: Ruuku?

Skotekal;246181 said:
Damn, you really are a grammar Nazi! At least you know how to correct someone. +rep to both of you.

lol, I've just been writing a long time.
 
Re: Ruuku?

I am sure you have... I will take it as you have not really attacked my fiction yet that I am doing well?
 
Re: Ruuku?

^ no hes just too lazy to read your crap!!! o/j its awesomeXD
 
Re: Ruuku?

Firis;246257 said:
I am sure you have... I will take it as you have not really attacked my fiction yet that I am doing well?

By the time I feel like posting I'm in one of Goku's threads. (You're still goku to me)

All of those points are valid for you, however.
 
Re: Ruuku?

I'm still Goku i feel touched i think XD
 
Re: Ruuku?

sorry that was me :D
 
Re: Ruuku?

droded;245895 said:
Why do you say that?

+Rep for effort Ruuku...

Yeah im sorry im turning into one of those Arguement starters.

My bad guys, My bad.
 
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