Jokes

[Dead Ratz]

Re: Jokes

rofl

haha

 

[andythegill]

Re: Jokes

i got one its like a story

I was living with my future wife and her family, i loved my soon to be wife and she loved me and they're family accepted us together but her little 16 year old sister seemed to be giving me signals like bending over infront of me and flirting etc. One day, 2 days before the wedding i was alone in the kitchen with the little sister when she suddenly tore of all her cloths, ran up stairs and said im going to bed feel free to join me, hearing this i ran straight to the my car but as i opened the door there was my father in law, with out stretched arms, tears in his eyes saying you passd the test welcome to out family , son
the moral of the story KEEP YOUR CONDOMS IN YOUR CAR

 

[Walker]

Re: Jokes

A large group of people-- a nerd, a bunch of geeks, a swarm of techs, and a programmer walk into a bar in the red-light district.

The techs toss their coffee cups and donut boxes in the trash, go over to the bar, and settle in for a long night of swilling.

The programmer goes and sits at the table, orders a mug of beer, and begins to nurse it, all alone.

The geeks go up to the bar, get sodas, and go to play pool, gibbering incomprehensibly to each other.

The nerd looks up from his book and looks frantically around.

"****! This isn't the sci-fi convention!"

(Um... I just realized... that wasn't funny. Can anyone think of something for the nerd to say that makes it so? I suddenly realized that I should stick to trying (and failing) to write sci-fi and fantasy...)

(Note: in this instance, techs=lighting and sound and stage/TV techs.)

 

[droded]

Re: Jokes

I thought it was funny Walker.^_^ +Rep

 

[Walker]

Re: Jokes

I am astounded. Am I funnier than I thought, your taste horrible, or you trying to make me feel all warm and fuzzy?

(Thanks for the reputation, by the way.)

 

[FableFreak]

Re: Jokes

Whats the only part of a vegetable you can't eat?

Spoiler

The wheelchair... :lol:

 

[loony ninja]

Re: Jokes

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.
In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?"
"Sam," the man moaned.
"Where ya from, Sam?"
With pain in his voice Sam replied "The balcony."

 

[FableFreak]

Re: Jokes

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.
In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?"
"Sam," the man moaned.
"Where ya from, Sam?"
With pain in his voice Sam replied "The balcony."

Heard that one before... You get it off Ebaumsworld?

 

[loony ninja]

Re: Jokes

Nope, it was passed on to me by someone else.

 

[Walker]

Re: Jokes

I actually think someone already said it in this thread.

 

[FableFreak]

Re: Jokes

I actually think someone already said it in this thread.

You know I think you're right. I think (by think I mean know) it was me...

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied "The balcony."

I quoted myself, this is off page 3.

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.
In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?"
"Sam," the man moaned.
"Where ya from, Sam?"
With pain in his voice Sam replied "The balcony."

Yours...

 

[loony ninja]

Re: Jokes

So sue me if I wasn't up to scrolling through 10 pages of jokes.

 

[FableFreak]

Re: Jokes

You mean 3 pages of jokes... I don't mean anything by it, I'm just pointing out the fact that I already made this joke, and that they are literally, word for word, the same.

 

[Walker]

Re: Jokes

Deal. I'll call my lawyer, you head to the bank-- I need some money. [predatory grin]

Seriously, I need some money... now if only I could get some that easily...

And no, it's not three OR ten... it's eleven. [grin] It was nine when I went through and read them all and added my own... I think. Maybe it was already ten by then.

 

[DrZoid]

Re: Jokes

Why did the girl fall off the swing?

Spoiler

She didn't have any arms.

 

[FableFreak]

Re: Jokes

Why did the girl fall off the swing?

Spoiler

She didn't have any arms.

Thanks for reviving this thread DrZoid, I've got some more jokes to tell.



Whats the difference between a hooker and a crack dealer?

Spoiler

Keep clicking

Spoiler

And one more

Spoiler

Last spoiler

Spoiler

A hooker can wash off her crack and use it again

 

[Triz]

Re: Jokes

If you name Cloud, God, Barrett says,"The plant is dying' God!"Then Cloud says,"I don't care, I just my money!". I thought that is funny...
Note: This is form Final Fantasy 7.

 

[HodgePodge]

Re: Jokes

Ummmm...huh?

 

[Triz]

Re: Jokes

Ummmm...huh?

In the start of the game Barret says that the Plant is dying and Cloud doesn't care at first, but then Cloud starts to care. So, if you name Cloud, God, Barret says,"The plant is dying God!" Then Cloud, or is now know as God says,"I don't care, I just my money....". Also if you name everyone Sephiroth, it gets confusing... Also, if you name Barrett, Aeirths says,"Go Mr.T!"... I think is funny...

 

[andythegill]

Re: Jokes

[FONT=Verdana,] A lady called her gynecologist, and asked for an "emergency" appointment. The receptionist said to come right in.

She rushed to the office, and was ushered right into an examination room. The doctor came into the exam room and asked about her problem.

She was very shy about her emergency problem, and asked the gynecologist to please examine her vagina.

So the doctor started to examine her. He stuck up his head after completing his examination. "I'm sorry, Miss," he said, "but removing that vibrator is going to involve a very lengthy , delicate and expensive surgical operation."

"I'm not sure I can afford it," sighed the young woman. "But while I am here could you just replace the batteries?[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana,]A woman is driving her car when she is pulled over by a a cop.
He says to her: "Ma'am, may i see your licence please? you were speeding".
The woman answers: "Oh no, officer, I don't have a licence, they took it after the 4th time i was caught driving drunk.".

The officer replies: "That is serious. Give me the car's registration forms, please".

The woman answers: "Oh, this is not my car. I stole it from my boss after i killed him. His body is in the trunk, by the way".

The cop is amazed and immidietly calls for backup while slowly moving away from the car, his hand on his gun.

When backup comes, the chief of the police approaches the woman with his gun pointed at her and orders her to get out of the vehicle.

The woman walks out, as ordered. Then the cheif says: "Ma'am, the officer said you reported a dead body in your trunk. please open it".

The woman acts amazed and when she opens the trunk, there is nothing there.

The surprised cheif says: "Can i also see your driving-licence?".

The woman opens her wallet and hands her licence to him.

The chief says: "Well, i'm soory ma'am, i don't know what to say. The officer over there told me you had a dead body in your trunk and that you didn't have a licence".

The woman smiles and says: "bet you that ******* also told you i was speeding, didn't he?[/FONT]