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Your Favourite Joke Thread.

Quistrix

Quistrix

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So in this thread post your favourite joke, the one you always laugh at or when you first heard it just made your sides split.

Now mine really has to be heard first hand, but it's my favourite because I was in stiches, mainly because I was already hyper when I heard it but here it goes...

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
An interrupting sheep.
An interrupting sheep wh...
BAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Awful I know, but when the time is right it's classic.

So what's yours?
 
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the hardest i've laughed in a long time was when i saw some of the phony Evony web advertisements.
they aren't child friendly, so i won't link... but go to encyclopedia dramatica and search "Evony". if you've seen the real ads, then you'll understand what they are parodying.
 
This isn't really a joke but it was something funny that I heard whilst talking to my friend on MW2. I will warn you, it is a gay joke.

Friend: "Oh my God! Why is there always somebody shooting me in the A**!?!?"

Friend's Dad in background: "Well, that tends to happen when you're gay, *InsertFriend'sName*"
 
Mine are silly, but I mean no offense by them. My favorite one I will just outright not tell unless you PM me and don't mind racial silliness...of course, if you've seen the Boondock Saints, you know what I'm talking about.

Others:
Q: "How many suitcases does a gay man need for a vacation?"
A: "None, he already has his s*** packed."
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A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve your kind here" and the mushroom says "What, I'm a fun guy."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
God is seriously angry one day and decides to destroy the earth and
all mankind. He claps his hands, and in a puff of sweet smelling smoke
appear Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin, and Bill Gates.

"I've had it with all of you!" God booms. "I am giving you each one
week to go back, and warn your people!" With another clap of his hands, all
three of them disappear.

Upon returning, Bill Clinton immediately calls his cabinet. "I have
some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there is a God...the
bad news is that he is going to destroy the world in one week!"

Meanwhile, in Russia, Boris Yeltsin is having a similar conference
with his ministers of state. "I have bad new and worse news" he tells them.
"First, we were wrong ... there IS a God ... and second, he is very mad and he
is going to destroy everything in one week!"

Strutting around on stage, Bill Gates speaks to all the employees in
Redmond. WA. "I have good news, and better news!" he tells his people.
"First, God considers me one of the three most important people on
Earth! Second, we don't have to fix any of the bugs in Windows!"
 
queenofdisco29 said:
So in this thread post your favourite joke, the one you always laugh at or when you first heard it just made your sides split.
Click to expand...
Noctus said:
Your profile says you're 22. I can't picture this.
Click to expand...
So I guess you didn't laugh when you first heard the mom joke? you make me sad, penis-looking-avatar... guy/girl

You're out to get me, aren't you? plus you didn't contribute to the thread - just ranting on about how immature I am.
Well, yeah, I am... very much so - it really shouldn't surprise you at this point, but I guess you're just a slow learner?
It's cool either way, we can't all have fun... I guess :/

Naw, I kid.. I kinda like you and your avatar - we should all express our sexuality with a picture of what we crave :D
Hah! no, that's not right, I meant to say I'm sorry. so. Sorry, Noctus, but I can't take you serious all the time :)
 
I don't know my favorite, but these are pretty cool (for those of us that understand it):
Be warned: Fisicks!
HAHAHAH, it's actually physics. You fell for it. Okay, not...

A student recognizes Einstein in a train and asks: Excuse me, professor, but does New York stop by this train?

Researchers in Fairbanks Alaska announced last week that they have discovered a superconductor which will operate at room temperature.

What is the difference between a physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician?

If an engineer walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he takes the bucket of water and pours it on the fire and puts it out.

If a physicist walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he takes the bucket of water and pours it eloquently around the fire and lets the fire put itself out.

If a mathematician walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he convinces himself there is a solution and leaves.

An experimental physicist performs an experiment involving two cats, and an inclined tin roof.

The two cats are very nearly identical; same sex, age, weight, breed, eye and hair color.

The physicist places both cats on the roof at the same height and lets them both go at the same time. One of the cats fall off the roof first so obviously there is some difference between the two cats.

What is the difference?

One cat has a greater mew.

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?

To get to the same side.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Issac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest, chickens in motion tend to cross roads.

A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, 'How much for a beer?' The bartender looks at him, and says 'For you, no charge.'

Two fermions walk into a bar. One orders a drink. The other says 'I'll have what he's having.'

Two atoms bump into each other. One says 'I think I lost an electron!' The other asks, 'Are you sure?', to which the first replies, 'I'm positive.'

Renee Descartes walks into a bar, the bartender says 'sir can I get you a martini 'Descartes says 'I don't think...' and he disappears

W hy did the chicken cross the road? Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference.

There is this farmer who is having problems with his chickens. All of the sudden, they are all getting very sick and he doesn't know what is wrong with them. After trying all conventional means, he calls a biologist, a chemist, and a physicist to see if they can figure out what is wrong. So the biologist looks at the chickens, examines them a bit, and says he has no clue what could be wrong with them. Then the chemist takes some tests and makes some measurements, but he can't come to any conclusions either. So the physicist tries. He stands there and looks at the chickens for a long time without touching them or anything. Then all of the sudden he starts scribbling away in a notebook. Finally, after several gruesome calculations, he exclaims, 'I've got it! But it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum.'
 
SimonKalevra said:
So I guess you didn't laugh when you first heard the mom joke? you make me sad, penis-looking-avatar... guy/girl

You're out to get me, aren't you? plus you didn't contribute to the thread - just ranting on about how immature I am.
Well, yeah, I am... very much so - it really shouldn't surprise you at this point, but I guess you're just a slow learner?
It's cool either way, we can't all have fun... I guess :/

Naw, I kid.. I kinda like you and your avatar - we should all express our sexuality with a picture of what we crave :D
Hah! no, that's not right, I meant to say I'm sorry. so. Sorry, Noctus, but I can't take you serious all the time :)
Click to expand...
I didn't laugh because generally they're baseless, and I normally find things funnier when there is an ounce of truth behind it.

Oh and don't be condescending to me, boy. My avatar is a deer, the shadow of a deer in clouds - and yet I'm apparently the slow learner. Good job being self-defeating, brah.
 
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Noctus said:
I didn't laugh because generally they're baseless, and I normally find things funnier when there is an ounce of truth behind it.


Oh and don't be condescending to me, boy. My avatar is a deer, the shadow of a deer in clouds - and yet I'm apparently the slow learner. Good job being self-defeating, brah.
Click to expand...
I love you too <3
My widdle teletubby

There's always an ounce of truth behind every mom-joke >_>
 
I like how only half of the posts in this thread have a joke.

Here's one:
What's with this Harry Potter anyway? I mean, I get all the stuff about wizards and witches, but a ginger with two friends?



N.B. Opinions told in the above joke are not those held by PurpleNurple.
 
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SimonKalevra said:
I love you too <3
My widdle teletubby

There's always an ounce of truth behind every mom-joke >_>
Click to expand...
Just keep posting your non-sensical banter, it won't be long until nearly everyone wants you gone - and it won't be my problem.
SimonKalevra said:
I like how you don't contribute anything even remotely related to the subject of this thread - well done.
Click to expand...
oh the irony
 
Ladies, ladies - please. Let's try and play nice, mmmkay?

Ta. xxx
 
Noctus said:
I didn't laugh because generally they're baseless, and I normally find things funnier when there is an ounce of truth behind it.

Oh and don't be condescending to me, boy. My avatar is a deer, the shadow of a deer in clouds - and yet I'm apparently the slow learner. Good job being self-defeating, brah.
Click to expand...
To be fair, many people have misinterpreted that avatar Noctus...
 
That's not my problem hence I don't care. Point is, he's dug that old point up several times before, which is why I found it ironic that he called me a slow learner.

plus honestly if that's what people thinks a scrotum looks like they should see a doctor because mine certainly doesn't curve outwards like a jellybean
 
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